Sunrise
by Queen of Crystallopia
Summary: Bella never got pregnant on Isle Esme. And due to the Volturi's impatience, is forced to become a vampire earlier than expected. What dangers await the Cullens in this AU version of Breaking Dawn?
1. Chapter 1: Home Again

_Author's Note: This story is a Breaking Dawn AU. It is canon through their honeymoon with one exception. Bella doesn't get pregnant. She and Edward enjoy their honeymoon and return. This is a story exploring what would have happened if Bella had not had Renesmee. It will be in Bella's point of view. Enjoy._

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight._

**Chapter One: Home Again **

I was startled out of my peaceful dream by a jolt of turbulence. I gasped, grabbed Edward's hand, and squeezed it tightly. I closed my eyes again and moaned softly. He chuckled quietly.

"What's so funny?" I asked through clenched teeth. The plane shook again, and I gripped his hand so hard, my skin was white against my knuckles.

I felt his breath against my cheek, and I breathed in his sweet aroma. Edward placed a tender kiss on my temple. "You, of course."

I frowned. "You do remember the fact that I am a danger magnet, right? With my luck, the plane will go down in flames," I muttered lowly. "Does that sound funny to you?"

To my slight irritation, he laughed again before nuzzling my neck, making me shudder. "Bella, do you honestly believe I would let you be harmed, plane crash or not?"

I looked at him. "Harmed? I think you mean dead, Edward."

Edward raised an eyebrow.

"You could get us out of a plane crash," I said skeptically.

He shook his head. "Oh ye of little faith. Of course I could. I am…special, after all. I'm not saying it would be fun, or that I wouldn't worry about your safety, but I would still manage to get us out of there in one piece. So relax," Edward leaned forward so his cold lips barely brushed mine. His hand trailed down my neck, shoulder, and arm, then paused at my hand, tracing patterns in my palm.

"Relax," I panted. "Right."

I imagined Edward pulling me into his arms, kicking a man sized hole into the wall of the plane, and leaping into the air, landing gracefully on the ground and speeding us away before the plane crashed onto the ground. I shuddered.

After that, Edward and I found ways to occupy my attention until the plane was safely on the ground. "See?" he had said with my favorite crooked smile. "We made it."

Alice and Jasper were waiting for us at the airport. Alice was bouncing on the balls of her feet, her eyes bright and her smile wide with excitement. I laughed as she pulled me into a tight hug. "Edward! Bella! I'm so glad you're back! How was it?"

I smirked at her. "Don't you already know?"

She grimaced. "Actually, a little too much," she smiled again. "But it looks like I packed you the right items."

My face flushed a bright tomato red, and she laughed. Edward snaked his arm around my waist, and I leaned against him with a small sigh.

"Looks like your honeymoon wasn't long enough," Jasper raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"Leave her be, Jasper," Edward said with a grin.

"I wasn't talking to her," Jasper replied with a smirk.

We piled into their car and began the drive back to Forks. I snuggled close to Edward, and our hands intertwined. I caught Alice staring at me from the mirror. "What?"

She smiled and shook her head. "You're glowing, Bella."

I blushed again. "I'm very happy," I mumbled, and Edward kissed the top of my head affectionately.

I waited for Alice to laugh or make some sort of embarrassing comment, but it didn't come. Edward stiffened in the seat beside me, and I looked up to see his eyes fixed on the back of Alice's head. Jasper shot her a wary look.

"Alice?" I asked, with no response. I turned to Edward. "What is it? What does she see?"

Edward's face, which was soft and loving only a few moments ago, was stiff. He shook his head and gave me a small, unconvincing smile. "It's nothing."

I glared at him. "That's what you said last time, about Victoria, before you whisked me off to Florida. Don't lie to me again."

He winced. "Alright. But let's wait until we get home. The others need to hear this."

"Ok," I agreed, and squeezed his hand. Alice snapped out of her vision, glanced at Jasper nervously, then stared at the road. Butterflies squirmed in my stomach, and I tapped my foot restlessly. For once, the vampire driving speed of one hundred and ten miles per hour was too slow.

The atmosphere in the car, which had been relaxed and happy, was now unbearable to be in, and I waited anxiously until we pulled into the drive.

We got out of the car and Edward slipped his hand into mine as he called out softly, "Everyone? We need to talk."

We followed Jasper and Alice into the living room, where Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, and Emmett were already waiting. They wore mingled looks of happiness and wariness.

"Bella, Edward," Esme smiled. "I'm glad you're home."

I smiled back at her.

"Edward?" Carlisle questioned. "What has happened?"

"Alice had a vision," Edward said, and the family grew serious.

"The Volturi have made a decision," Alice said, her golden eyes on me. I gasped and grabbed Edward, who pulled me tighter in his arms. "They were not pleased to hear that Bella was still human, and have become impatient. If they haven't received news that Bella has been changed within the next two weeks, they are sending a party here to…"

"To kill me," I whispered.

"That's not going to happen," Edward said tersely.

"Well there's an obvious solution, isn't there?" Emmett shrugged. "Bella was going to be turned anyways, so let's just do it. Problem solved."

"We, we had changed our plans," I muttered. Their eyes turned on me. "I wanted to stay human for awhile. We were going to Dartmouth in the fall."

Silence hung in the air. I took a deep breath, "It's fine. It doesn't matter. We'll just change me. I can always go to college later. It's not like I won't have enough time," I smiled weakly.

"No," Edward turned me around, looking miserable. "It's not right. You shouldn't be forced into this, no one should."

"But what can we do, Edward?" I asked. "The Volturi will destroy us if we don't do this, if you don't change me. I already made the decision to become one of you. So it's happening sooner than I thought, big deal. I'm ready for this. I'm ready for us."

Edward still looked unhappy, but I continued on, turning to Alice. "We still have a week or so to do it, right?"

She nodded. "But the sooner the better."

"It's settled then. We'll do it on Saturday," I said firmly. Saturday. That was four days from now. Four days and I would become a vampire.

"If you'll excuse me, I'm going to contact the Volturi and let them know we have a date set," Carlisle said, heading out of the room. Alice blinked, stared at nothing, then smiled.

"That's a great idea, Carlisle," she called after him.

Esme took my hand and pulled me onto the couch. She smiled. "So, how was Isle Esme?" she asked, apparently eager to change the subject to something lighter.

I grinned. "Absolutely wonderful. It's so beautiful there."

"Yes it is," she gazed at the doorway where Carlisle had exited, no doubt imagining her time there. I blushed. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself."

Emmett laughed, a big booming sound. My face flushed. "So, how was he, Bella?" he asked suggestively.

"Emmett!" Esme said sternly. Rosalie rolled her eyes and slapped the back of his head.

"Ow!" he said with a grin. "What did I do?"

"Just being yourself again," Rosalie folded her arms. "Try and be a bit more couth, will you?"

"Fine," he said, then winked at me. My face burned with embarrassment. Edward was the one to rescue me.

"Bella and I are going to unpack," he said, heading upstairs.

"But the suitcases are still in the—" I stopped speaking as he shot me a heated look. "Oh."

Emmett laughed loudly, and Jasper joined in.

"Come on, let's hunt," Esme herded them outside. "Give them their privacy."

I could have died with humiliation, but another hot look from Edward drove it all away. I blinked and I was on the white bed in his, now our, room.

"I only have four days left as a human," I said breathily, gazing into his almost black eyes. "Four days as myself. Four days until I won't want this as much as I want blood. Edward, I need you to make this the best four days of my life."

He growled and captured my lips in a searing kiss. His hand grabbed my thigh as I wrapped my legs around him. His other hand ran all over me. Edward's cold lips trailed down my throat, my collarbone, and when my shirt got in the way, he tore it off of me.

I gasped and writhed under him. "Edward, I need you," I moaned.

I looked into his eyes, and I was back at Isle Esme, safe and wanted in his arms. Everything was perfect. Everything was bliss. All there was, was him and me, as one, making love.

We held each other tightly as we came down from our high. Edward leaned his head on my chest and breathed deeply.

"What are you doing?" I asked between breaths as I ran my fingers through his hair.

"Savoring the moment," he said with a gentle sigh. "Logging away every heartbeat." His hand pressed against my chest. "Every breath." His cold fingers brushed against my lips. "Every sigh and sound." He kissed me. "Every smell. Everything about you in this moment, I will remember forever."

I kissed him back. "I love you, Edward," I whispered between kisses, placing my hand tenderly on his cheek. "I want to be with you, forever."

"Forever," Edward agreed, and placed his cold hand over mine. "Forever."

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><p><em>Well, that's it for chapter one! I know it is kind of short, but it seemed like a good place to stop it. So I have about forty pages of this story typed up on my laptop, and a vague outline for the whole thing. The forty pages needs to be revised, and I need to make sure it flows right and all that, so basically, just because I have it typed up, does not mean updates will come soon. Plus I am starting back at classes this week, so I'll get less time to work on this. But hopefully I'll be able to keep on updating until the story is finished. I really like it, and I hope you do to. That's enough of me rambling. I LOVE reviews, and would LOVe to know what you think.<em>


	2. Chapter 2: Four Days

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twlight. _

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><p><strong>Chapter Two: Four Days<strong>

I ran my hand over my face as Edward and I pulled onto Charlie's street and parked. We were here for dinner with my dad. I had arrived a few hours early so I could prepare the meal.

I stepped out of the car with the bag of groceries, which Edward quickly removed from my arms. I rolled my eyes as he led the way into my house and held the door open for me.

"Thank you, good sir," I mocked as I passed him and entered the kitchen. He set the groceries on the table and sat down at Charlie's usual seat.

"You're quite welcome, madam," he grinned crookedly.

I couldn't help but smile back. I turned my back to him before my face could fall. My stomach was heavy with dread, and my throat was dry.

Hoping he wouldn't be able to pick up on my mood, I threw myself into the preparations for dinner. I wanted this meal to be special, so I had picked up some nice steaks and potatoes from the store. It was the first meal I had made for Charlie. I quickly threw a marinade together, tossed the steaks in, and set it in the fridge. I took the first potato and started to peel over the trash can.

Cold pale hands gently paused mine. I looked up at him, bemused.

"May I?" he asked gently. Without waiting for my reply, he took the half peeled potato and the peeler from my hands. I blinked, and a handful of potato skins fell into the trash, and he handed me the bald spud.

I shook my head, muttering to myself. I gestured to the rest of them and said. "Get on it. You're wasting valuable time."

He chuckled and finished the bag within minutes. To my annoyance, he wouldn't let me dice the potatoes either. Although they were done a thousand times faster than I ever could have managed, and accident free.

Of course now I was done with things too early, and I had to wait to cook everything for at least an hour.

I frowned at him. "You did that on purpose," I accused him.

Edward gave me an innocent look that was entirely unconvincing. "Did what?"

"Uhuh," I raised an eyebrow. "Just what are you planning, Mr. Cullen?"

He put his hands on my waist and yanked me close. I gasped and looked up at his smoldering eyes.

"Edward, my father should be here in another hour or so," I said as my heart accelerated and my breathing became shallow.

"Perfect," he said.

Edward pulled me up, and my legs automatically wrapped around him. He sped up the stairs and into my old bedroom.

"All those times we had to show restraint," he murmured as he ran his hands on my stomach under my shirt. "All those times I had to control myself and resist you."

Edward pushed a stray hair away from my face. I kissed him. "We don't have to restrain ourselves anymore."

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><p>I ran frantically downstairs, my hair mussed and my clothes half sliding off of me. Running and stairs don't usually go well for me, so it wasn't much of a surprise when my shoe caught on the third stair from the bottom, and I felt the terror of falling until I landed into Edward's cold and hard form.<p>

He shook his head. "What am I going to do with you?" he asked as I straightened and rushed into the kitchen.

"Not distract me with sex anymore," I took the steaks and threw them into the oven. After that I tossed the potatoes into the pot of water and turned the heat up to boil.

"Bella?" Edward asked, and I turned, hearing his smile.

"You might want to run into the bathroom before Charlie gets home," his lips were curved into an amused smile.

"Oh god," I paled, putting a hand up to my hair. "I have the—the look, don't I?"

"You mean the 'I recently just had wild sex with the love of my life' look?" Edward laughed. "Then, yes, you do."

My face burned, and I punched him lightly before running up to the bathroom. It was worse than I thought.

My hair was tangled and wild, my face was flushed, and my lips were swollen and looked freshly kissed. My blouse was on backwards, and my fly was down on my jeans. I groaned and yanked a brush through my hair and scrubbed my face. It took me a few minutes to reapply what little makeup I had on before. (Alice had handed me a small makeup bag to put in my purse, giving me a shake of her head as she did so). I fixed my clothes and checked my reflection. Better, much better.

I headed back downstairs, slower, this time, and entered the kitchen. I folded my arms over my chest and gave him a stern look. As I opened my mouth to reprimand him, his head turned, and his eyes looked to the door.

"Charlie's almost here," he said, standing. "I better go."

"Don't think you're off the hook, mister," I jabbed his chest. "We will be having a serious discussion about inappropriately timed seduction later."

Edward laughed and kissed me quickly. "I look forward to it. I'll pick you up at ten."

I bit my lip, and my cheeks flooded with heat as I turned back to dinner. I giggled, trying not to think of what just happened in my bedroom, and what was most likely going to happen tonight.

I was almost done with dinner when Charlie walked in. "Bells?" he called.

"In the kitchen," I called back. I heard him take off his holster and jacket before he entered the kitchen.

Looking at his face, I was reminded why I was here, why I was so full of dread. I forced a smile on my face as I made his plate. "Hey Dad."

"Smells real good, Bella," he sat down as I handed him his food. "Looks good too."

"Thanks," I said, as I sat down with him.

Charlie looked at the empty chair suspiciously. "Edward couldn't join us?"

"He thought that it would be nice to have just the two of us since it's our first day back," I answered. And our last evening together, I added silently.

Satisfied, Charlie tucked into his meal. We ate in a comfortable silence, but I couldn't enjoy it as much as I wanted too. My throat was thick, which made it hard to swallow, and my eyes kept burning. At the end of the meal, I was proud to say that I had kept my tears hidden from Charlie.

"So," he said uncomfortably as he pushed back his plate. "How was your…trip?"

"It was great," I said, grabbing our dishes and heading to the sink. I was grateful for something to do during this part of the conversation. "He took me to an island."

"An island?" Charlie asked gruffly. He didn't sound too happy.

"I'm back, safe and sound, aren't I?" I gave him a look over my shoulder.

I finished the dishes and sat back down at the table.

"What's the plan?" Charlie asked. "You're off to Alaska, right? When does the semester start?"

This was the part I was dreading. I hated lying to him. I bit my lip nervously and glanced at the table. "Yeah, we're leaving next week."

"Next week?" his eyes were wide. "That soon?"

"Yeah, the semester starts early, and we want to get settled in before school starts," I picked at a scratch on the table. "His parents are coming with us."

"What? Why?"

"They have family up there, and their cousin isn't doing so well," I couldn't look at him, afraid he would see through my obvious lies.

"That's a shame," he sat back in his seat. "Forks is definitely going to miss them. Carlisle was a good doctor. What about Alice?"

I smiled. "She and the others are off to college too."

Charlie frowned. "Looks like everyone is leaving, huh?"

"Not Billy and Jake," I supplied half-heartedly.

"Yeah," he mumbled.

Silence again. My stomach ached fiercely. This was something I had to do. It was the best decision for all of us. Charlie would never be allowed to see me again. I'd be too dangerous and too different. This was the last evening with my father, and I had to lie to him.

"Is there a game on?" I asked.

"Yes, actually," he said, glancing longingly at the television. "But that's ok. I want to spend time with you, Bells."

"Come on, Dad. Go watch your game. I brought a book," I smiled at him.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

I curled up on the couch while Charlie settled into his usual chair. He clicked on the television, and the sound of wild fans screaming under the deep voice of the announcer filled the living room.

I stared blankly at my book, seeing the words, but not understanding them. I didn't even know what book this was. I kept glancing up at Charlie, my eyes moving over and memorizing his face; the deep wrinkles that had begun to sit around his chocolate brown eyes, his unbalanced lips topped by a bushy mustache that twitched when the opposite team scored.

This was the hardest part of my transformation. Even though I was a little upset it had to happen sooner than I had wanted, I could live with it and be happy. But lying to my parents, saying goodbye, and then never seeing them again, it was more than I could bear.

Those times that I had left Charlie to protect him had hurt him, more than he let on. How would he cope without me? How would he deal with the mystery of my disappearance? How would he eat anything other than fried eggs?

"Something on your mind, Bells?" his voice made me jump. He had caught me staring, and I flushed and looked down at my book.

"Nothing," I replied, then said hesitantly, "I'm just going to miss you, Dad."

Charlie cleared his throat gruffly and turned his eyes on the television, as uncomfortable with this share of emotions as I was. "I'll miss you too. But Alaska isn't too far. Maybe I can visit the school sometime."

"Yeah," I nodded as my stomach sank. "That'd be great."

Time went by too fast, despite the fact that I just sat on the couch with nothing to do. I was savoring every second with my dad. Maybe someday I could come back to Forks, just to see how he was doing. He wouldn't be able to see me, but I would be able to watch him from afar, once I was able to control myself.

Ten o'clock rolled around, and there was a knock on the door. Charlie's eyes met mine. "That's Edward," I said, getting to my feet.

I opened the door, and he greeted me with a smile. He looked passed my shoulder at Charlie, who had gotten up when I did.

"Chief Swan," Edward stuck out his hand. "I promise I will take good care of your daughter. She means everything to me, and you have my word that she will be safe, forever."

"Forever's a long time," Charlie took his hand and shook it firmly. "I'll hold you to that."

"I'll just be a minute," I told Edward as I tucked my hair behind my ear.

"I'll wait in the car," Edward replied. "It was good seeing you again, Chief Swan."

"Call me Charlie," my dad said, staring him straight in the eye. "Have a good semester."

Edward left with a smile, and I turned hesitantly back to Charlie.

"I've stocked the cupboards and the fridge, and there are leftovers from tonight on top of the eggs," I said.

Charlie chuckled. "I was able to feed myself before you came along, you know."

"Somehow I don't think fish and eggs is a healthy diet," I replied wryly.

"Do you have everything you need for school?"

I nodded.

"Well, don't hesitate to call me if you need anything," Charlie was staring at his shoes. "And if you get homesick, feel free to come home anytime, and if Edward starts bothering you-"

"Dad, I got it," I laughed. My face turned serious as I looked up at him. "Thanks for everything."

I wrapped my arms around him. He stiffened slightly, then embraced me warmly. He kissed the top of my head. "No problem. Take care of yourself in Alaska, alright?"

"I will," I whispered, afraid that he would hear my voice shake. "I love you, Dad."

"Love you too, Bells."

We pulled away, both blinking furiously and looking away from each other. We said goodbye, and I headed down the steps and out to the car. Edward held the door open for me, and I slid into the Volvo.

I wiped at my eyes and stared at the window, swallowing thickly.

Edward got in the car, started it, and drove down the street. His arm reached for me and pulled me close. I laid my head on his shoulder and sniffled the entire way home.

When we were close to the house, he spoke. "Are you alright, Bella?"

"I'm fine," I wiped my face. "It was just hard, you know, saying goodbye."

He squeezed me gently as he stopped the car. "Are you tired? I can take you to bed if you'd like."

"I'd like to go to bed," I said, getting warmer as I looked at his face. "But I don't want to sleep yet."

I was eager for a distraction, and his touch was reminding me of a certain conversation we still needed to have. I climbed into his lap and looked at him seriously.

"You are in serious trouble," I said.

"Oh?" Edward leaned forward to kiss me, but I stopped his lips with my hand.

"Your distractions nearly caused me to mess up dinner, not to mention I would have had an incredibly awkward conversation with my dad, and he would have tried to kill you," I replied in a dangerous voice.

"And what are you going to do about it, Mrs. Cullen?" Edward raised an eyebrow.

"This," I pressed my lips to his in a searing kiss. I felt bold, brave even, and I ran my hands down his chest and stomach. I writhed against him as we kissed.

Abruptly, I pulled away and hopped out of the car. I headed towards the house at a brisk walk.

A cold hand seized my wrist and twisted me around, and I gasped, face to face with an almost furious looking vampire.

"Where do you think you're going?" Edward asked incredulously, his eyes blackened with desire.

"To bed," I said lightly. "I've had a long day, and I-_mmph_!"

He crashed his lips against mine and pushed my body back until I was against the wall of the house. His hands gripped my waist as he kissed me furiously.

I was starting to see stars, unable to breathe through out frantic kisses, and when Edward pulled away, I started to slide down the wall. He caught me.

"Whoa," I said, panting.

He chuckled. "Upstairs?"

"Upstairs," I nodded. It had only been a few hours, and already I needed him again. And it looked like he needed me just as badly.

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><p>The smell of maple syrup, sweet strawberries, and warm, fluffy pancakes permeated my dream and made my stomach growl. I woke up licking my lips.<p>

Edward put the tray of the prettiest, yummiest breakfast I had ever seen on the side table. He sat on the bed and greeted me with a kiss. "Good Morning."

"Good morning," I stretched and winced, slightly sore.

He looked at me with concern, but I waved it off. "Just a little stiff."

I eyes my food with obvious desire. "Breakfast in bed?" I asked. "What's this for? Not that I'm complaining."

Edward set the tray over my lap, catching my glass of milk before it toppled onto the covers. "I want every meal you have to be the best," he answered.

"And you made this?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Esme," he said in response.

"She didn't have to do that," I said, cutting myself a bite.

As soon as the food hit my tongue, my eyes rolled back in pleasure and I moaned softly. It had to be the best pancakes I had ever tasted.

I looked at Edward's smirking face. "You like it?" he asked unnecessarily.

I spoke between mouthfuls. "Better than sex."

Emmett's laughter was muffled, but I could still hear him all the way from downstairs. Edward scowled, leaned over, and kissed me tenderly, then passionately.

We broke away after a few minutes, and I panted. "Ok, second to sex."

I ravenously devoured my breakfast in front of Edward, who watched me with amusement. "What would you like to do today?" he asked as I finished my breakfast.

"I don't know," I said, patting my full stomach. "I need a human moment though."

I rushed through my shower, yanked a brush through my hair, and pulled on jeans and a tight, v-neck red sweater that Alice had laid out for me.

I blushed as red as my shirt when Edward's eyes darkened as he looked me up and down. "Alice picked it out," I stammered nervously.

"You look stunning, Bella," he said, and I blushed again.

"Thanks," I muttered.

The next three days passed in a blur. I was constantly aware of every breath, every heartbeat, louder because of my awareness that they were limited.

I spent most of my time with Edward doing various…activities. Emmett teased us mercilessly, and we were forced to go elsewhere in order to get some privacy.

There was one thing I wanted to do before I was changed on Saturday, and that was to see Jake. But he had taken off again after my wedding, and no one knew where he was. I doubted that he'd want to see me anyways. He was probably tired of me hurting him, and never wanted to see me again now that I was to become a bloodsucker. I missed him terribly, and wished that I could see him one more time.

Alice kidnapped me on Friday to take me shopping in Seattle. I had expected Edward to save me, but when he stepped back, his hands in surrender, I had glared at him the best I could. It wasn't easy.

Alice's excuse was that since I was a vampire, I needed an entirely new wardrobe, and she of course, would be the one to pick it out. It was torture. I went to what seemed like thousands of stores and tried on millions of outfits, gritting my teeth and forcing myself to be compliant. I wanted to make Alice happy, but she had been pushing it.

When she started heading towards a formal dress boutique, I put my foot down. There was no way I was trying on those, and there was no reason I would need one.

Friday night, Edward had taken me to our meadow, and I was surprised, touched, and incredibly awed at what he had done. Strings of lights that looked like flickering candles lined the trees surrounding the clearing, and a soft fur blanket was waiting for us. It was absolutely stunning, and as perfect as the first night of our honeymoon.

I couldn't think of a better way to spend my last evening as a human than in the arms of my husband. After that, I was more than ready for Saturday to come, so that I could lay in his arms forever.

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><p><em>Ahh, another chapter done. :) This one was a lot longer, as a treat to those of you who reviewed. I hope you enjoyed it, and I really would love some more feedback to let me know how I am doing. Reviews are my favorite, and my motivation to update faster. I really hope you guys liked it. <em>

_Next up- Chapter Three: The End and the Beginning_


	3. Chapter 3: The End and the Beginning

_A/N: Warning-some parts of this chapter are based off of scenes in Breaking Dawn, so they will sound familiar, but aren't word for word._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight _

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><p><strong>Chapter Three: The End and the Beginning<strong>

I woke up with a frown. I rolled over, my sleepy eyes blinking in the morning light. Edward was not lying next to me. On his pillow was a carefully folded note. Yawning and sitting up in bed, I opened the note and read,

_"Dearest Bella,_

_I've gone hunting with Emmett. I should be back after you finish breakfast. I love you,_

_Edward"_

I stared at the note, confused in my sleepy haze. Hunting? Hadn't he gone just a couple days ago? Surely he didn't need to hunt so soon. Suddenly, realization hit me like a slap in the face. Oh. He was just being cautious and prepared. He wanted to make sure he wasn't too thirsty. He wanted to be ready. It was Saturday.

Today was the day I would become a vampire.

A shudder of anticipation went down my spine. I was not afraid, and I certainly didn't have cold feet. I had been ready to become a vampire for a long time, and there was not a doubt in my mind that this was what I wanted to do. I wanted to be with Edward, my husband, my soul mate, forever.

Even though my decision had moved up due to the Volturi's impatience, I was still just as ready to become like him, and could not regret it.

I could no longer sit in bed as pre-"change" nerves jittered around in my belly. I sprung out of bed and was about to head to the closet to grab some clothes when something blue glared at me from the corner of my eyes.

I picked up the satiny, deep blue material and held it up. My jaw dropped. The obviously skin tight silky cocktail dress had Alice's name written all over it. I hadn't tried this on when we went shopping, which meant she had bought something behind my back. I shook my head in disgust. Only Alice would pick out such a monstrosity to wear to become a vampire. I tossed the dress back onto the chair, but before it could land, it was in a pair of pale hands.

"Just what do you think you are doing?" Alice glared at me accusingly.

"Getting dressed," I answered, making my way into my closet and opening the drawer containing my jeans. Alice must have had a vision of me rejecting her handpicked outfit. The drawer slammed shut. "Hey!"

Alice held the dress out in front of her, her lips locked in a stubborn line.

"I'm not wearing that, Alice," I folded my arms. I had let her dress me before, but there was no way in hell she was forcing me into that today of all days. "It's not practical."

"Not practical?" her voice was dangerously low. "Bella, this dress is stunning, and I am not having your first outfit as a vampire be scrubby jeans and a t-shirt!"

I planted my feet firmly and looked her in the eye. "It's my day, and if I am going to be thrashing around in pain for the next 72 hours, I am not going to be wearing a dress. Sorry, Alice."

My vampire sister had never looked so dangerous. For a moment I thought she was going to tie me down and force me into it. Instead, giving me an angry, betrayed look, she left the room in a flash.

I quickly grabbed my favorite pair of jeans and a white, long sleeved shirt before heading for the shower. I couldn't take the time to relax like I wanted to. I had way too much energy, and I even had a hard time washing my hair with my hands shaking the way they were.

I dressed and blow dried my hair half-hazardly and looked in the mirror. An ordinary girl with an excited flush on her pale skin stared back at me through warm, brown eyes. This was the last time I would see her. A wave of nerves rushed through me again.

It wasn't that I was nervous about my becoming a vampire. No, I was ready for that. I was nervous about the pain. I had experienced a taste of the agony that vampire venom inflicted once before, and I was not to keen to feel that again.

Carlisle had a stock of morphine ready for me, and he was anxious to see if it would dim the pain of the changing process. I grimaced. I knew that it wouldn't. The drugs had offered no relief for me in that ballet studio, but I wasn't going to tell him that. I wasn't going to say anything that would make Edward hesitate or change his mind. I was determined to go through with this. Today was the day.

I headed downstairs, drawn by the smell of bacon and eggs. I entered the kitchen just as Esme placed a plate of eggs, bacon, toast, and a glass of orange juice in front of me. "Good morning, Bella."

"Morning. Wow, this looks great!" I said, eagerly tucking into my breakfast. "Thank you."

"Your welcome," she gave me a motherly smile, and patted my hair. "I wanted your last human meal to be a good one."

I froze mid-bite. My last human meal. I hadn't thought of that. Esme frowned, slightly alarmed by my reaction. "No, I'm fine," I quickly reassured her. "I just hadn't thought of that before."

Esme smiled softly, worry still in her eyes as she turned away to clean the dishes. I began to eat slower, savoring the salty taste of bacon, the rich butter on my crispy toast, the soft, fluffy texture of my scrambled eggs.

I finished my breakfast and walked with Esme to the living room. Jasper and Alice were sitting on the couch. Alice gave me a fleeting look before turning her head with a sniff.

"Someone's mad she didn't get her way," Esme muttered with a smile. I grinned as Alice turned to glare at her.

Carlisle entered the room. "Bella," he smiled. "How are you?"

"Fine," I said. And truly I was, minus the small butterflies anticipating the pain.

"Everything is set," he said. "All we need is Edward, and we can get started whenever you are ready."

My heart skipped a beat, and I silently cursed their vampire hearing as his look became one of concern. "Bella," he started.

"I'm fine," I insisted. "Really. I am ready to do this, just a little nervous, that's all."

"They're back," Alice said, turning her head towards the front door.

I whipped around and my breath caught in my throat at the sight of my angel standing in the doorway. His bronze hair, freshly tousled from his run, shone in the light. His eyes were a buttery gold, and he smiled. My heart went into overdrive, and I flung myself at him.

Edward caught me and pulled me into a passionate kiss. Heart racing, heat soaring, I returned it eagerly, caught in the moment. It wasn't till Emmett cleared his throat dramatically that Edward pulled away with a chuckle.

I breathed heavily and smiled back.

Edward stroked my cheek fondly. "I'm going to miss that," he said softly.

"What?" I asked.

"Affecting you like this," he answered. "Hearing your heart pound, your breath quicken, seeing your face flush."

I placed a hand on his chest. "You will never stop affecting me, Edward Cullen," I responded firmly. "Never."

He smiled, kissed my forehead, and led me by the hand to a cozy armchair, where he pulled me onto his lap.

"How did you sleep?" he asked.

"Fine," I responded with a shrug.

"There's no hurry, you know," Edward said seriously. I twisted my head back to look at him. "We can do this anytime you want. Tonight, tomorrow, next week…"

I placed a finger on his lips and smiled. "Today, Edward. You promised. I'm ready, and it does us no good to put this off."

I saw him stifle a sigh. Then he smiled. "Alright, Mrs. Cullen. Are you ready to become a vampire?"

"Now?" my heart's pace quickened.

He frowned. "Unless you want to wait…"

"No, now," I said, standing quickly and almost falling. Edward caught me. I saw the many looks of concern and sighed. "Look, like I said before, I am just a little nervous. There is no doubt in my mind. None. I want this. I'm ready."

"Alright then," Carlisle smiled and gestured his hands toward the stairs. "Shall we?"

Edward took my hand, and we followed Carlisle up to his study. Alice, Jasper, Esme, and Emmett followed. The study had been converted into a more suitable room for the change. A soft bed had been placed in the center of the room, and his desk was covered with medical supplies. I took deep breaths to calm my nerves.

I felt a wave of calm, of certainty, settle into my body, and I relaxed with a sigh. I shot Jasper a grateful smile. "Thank you," I whispered. He nodded with a smile of his own.

I was suddenly swept up into a big bear hug and gasped. "Emmett!"

He smiled and set me down. "Just wanted to make you blush one more time."

Esme hugged me gently. "Everything will be fine. Don't worry."

Alice seemed torn. Finally she sighed and hugged me too. "Don't worry about a thing, Bella. I've seen it, and you are going to do great."

I hugged her rightly. "Thanks, Alice. And don't worry, you'll have an eternity to dress me."

Her excited smile made me laugh. Movement caught my eye and I glanced at the doorway. Rosalie shot me one last indiscernible look and nodded before she disappeared. Before I could start to process it, Edward took my hand. I looked into his beautiful eyes. "Are you ready, Bella?"

I nodded, unable to speak. He gently lifted me and placed me on the bed. Edward leaned over and kissed me softly, slowly. I grimaced slightly at the feel of the needle in my arm, and Edward's lips crashed more hungrily onto mine. I could feel nothing but the pounding of my heart and his cold, marble lips on mine. He pulled away with a smile.

I was suddenly very drowsy, and I blinked up at him. "Edward," I whispered. "I love you."

He kissed me again. "As I love you, my Bella."

I gazed sleepily at his angelic, perfect face, before darkness filled my vision.

* * *

><p>The peaceful inky black that was my world lasted less than a minute. Spots of heat appeared on my neck, my wrists, my ankles. The heat was the only real thing in the darkness. More heat, this time in my frantically beating heart. The heat got warmer, hotter, uncomfortable, too hot, way too hot. I was burning. Fire all around me, biting at my skin and singeing my hair. Fire inside me, tearing through my body, igniting my nerves.<p>

I wanted to scream. I wanted to thrash. I wanted to move and claw and twist. I wanted, no, I needed relief. Darkness held me tight. I could not move my body, could not twitch my fingers, could not open my mouth and scream.

This must be hell. Where else could I be? Pain, there was nothing but pain, intense, fiery pain. Realization hit me. The morphine. The drugs were not minimizing the pain, like Carlisle had hoped, it only pinned me down. Through my pain I imagined what I must look like, lying on the bed, unmoving, eyes closed. I must look peaceful, as if I was asleep.

I was paralyzed by the drugs, and no one knew I burned.

Maybe it was for the best. At least this way Edward would not know I was in unbearable agony. At least this way he wouldn't feel pain, or guilt. At least this way he would not know I suffered.

Endless, unimaginable pain. Fire, burning hotter and hotter. Slowly, eventually, the drugs began to wear off. The pain did not lessen, but the heavy pressure that weighed my limbs lifted. I did not move in fear that Edward was watching me. If I moved, if I twitched, I would scream. I couldn't do that to him.

After what seemed an eternity, the horrible pain began to fade. Slowly, it inked away from my fingertips, my toes. My heartbeat increased. Finally, it was almost over. As the fire ebbed away from my body, it increased in my throat. I was parched. My throat had never felt so dry, so thirsty.

The fire surged to my chest and lingered in my heart, burning faster and faster, my heartbeat quickening with the flames. It was so painful, I had to scream, I needed to…_Edward_, I thought, and clamped my lips shut. I couldn't scream…I couldn't!

The fire flared in my heart and suddenly, it was over. I lay there on the bed, my eyes shut, and waited. The fire had finally been extinguished. My stunned mind began to register several things. First, that my throat still burned. Second, I could no longer hear my heartbeat. Instead, I heard six sets of lungs breathing.

Then something grabbed my hand.

Air rushed through my throat in a violent hiss as I flipped off the bed and landed in a defensive crouch in the corner of the room. I snarled defensively, warning whoever touched me to keep away.

Edward still sat on the corner of the bed, Jasper and Emmett were crouched defensively at the door. Behind them I could see Alice, Carlisle and Esme, looks of caution on their face. Though a part of me recognized them, and that I shouldn't be afraid, my body stayed tensed. My eyes flicked from face to face. When I registered the amount of scars on Jasper's face, I hunched back further. These were experienced, aged vampires, a danger, a threat.

"Bella?" Edward's voice filled the tense silence.

My head snapped in his direction, and my snarls stopped. He rose, slowly, his hands held out in a gesture of surrender and stepped towards me.

"Edward," Jasper warned.

My instincts forced me to take another step back, another warning growl spitting through my lips.

"Bella, it's alright," Edward kept moving forward, his buttery eyes trained on me. "It's just me. I'm not going to hurt you. I'll never hurt you. You're safe."

Edward, I blinked. His sweet, calming voice soothed my fear, my uncertainty. What was I doing? It was just Edward, and his family. Our family. I straightened out of my crouch and relaxed, pushing past the instincts and relying on my thoughts and feelings. Edward stood in front of me, and I marveled at his beauty.

My dull human senses had not done him justice. He was perfect, flawless, and absolutely stunning. His face was cautious, his eyes searched my face for recognition.

My lips curved into a smile, and I threw my arms around him. He chuckled and embraced me tightly. "There's my girl."

After a moment, I felt him flinch. I pulled back in confusion, and he grinned. "Careful, love. You're stronger than me now."

I frowned, looked at him, then glanced at the others. Jasper and Emmett had not completely relaxed.

"I'm a vampire," I said, sounding mildly surprised. I didn't recognize my singsong voice.  
>The others laughed. Edward held my face in his hands and kissed me. Passionate, rough, and unyielding, he pressed his lips to mine. I gasped and responded with vigor. He had never kissed me like that before.<p>

We broke apart after a few minutes. "Wow," I said, eyes wide. Now that I was free from my instinctual fear, I gazed around me in wonder. Everything was so clear, so defined. The colors, the lights, everything was precise and beautiful. I could hear everything; the breathing in the room, the sound of the slight breeze rustling the leaves, a car driving by on the highway miles away.

I held my hand up, wriggling my fingers and flexing my hand before tightening it into a fist. I could feel the limitless strength and energy in every movement. I felt as if I could lift up the entire house, or run across the world in a matter of seconds. Every movement had purpose and grace. I was no longer a soft, fragile human. I felt invincible. I was strong, and I was fast.

I was a vampire.

* * *

><p><em>AN: WOW! I can't believe the reviews that I have recieved so far! I want you guys to know that this chapter is for everyone who was kind enough to leave me such amazing feedback. I was going to wait another week to post another chapter, but you guys convinced me to do it earlier. I feel the exact same way as those of you who didn't care for the second half of Breaking Dawn. I was never a huge fan of Renesmee, and I just didn't care for the end. So I started writing my own, and now I have fifty pages of a story! Thank you so so so much if you reviewed or favorited or subscribed to my story, and I will keep posting chapters as long as I have them. My update time might slow down eventually, since I have about seven chapters completed, and then an outline. Anyways, I am rambling. I would love more feedback, and I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. _

_Oh, and by the way, in this version of Breaking Dawn, Bella doesn't have as much control as she does in canon. She isn't as bad as other newborns, and actually does quite well, but I wanted her to be more dangerous, more unstable, and so that is why some of her reactions will be more extreme than in the book._


	4. Chapter 4: First Hunt

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight_

_A/N: So I know that last chapter was pretty similar to Breaking Dawn, which caused a few worries, and this chapter has scenes pretty close to canon too, with some differences. Bare with me, please. These couple chapters I felt were necessary to get where I wanted to go. Next chapter will be completely different from canon, with some major plot changes. That being said, enjoy!_

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><p><strong>Chapter Four: First Hunt<strong>

I took a deep breath and grimaced at the agonizing burn in my throat. Jasper tensed. I turned to Edward, needy and desperate. My hand flew to my throat.

He understood. "Let's hunt, Bella."

I nodded eagerly, aware only of my desperate thirst.

"Emmett, you should go with them," Jasper said, eyeing me carefully. Edward gazed at him and nodded.

"Come on, Bella," said Edward, taking my hand and pulling me to the door. I tensed slightly as we passed the rest of his family, barely suffocating the fear I felt around these experienced vampires. Jasper watched me warily, and I felt a low, fearful growl rumbling in my chest at the sight of his tense, defensive posture.

Edward squeezed my hand, and I eagerly left the room, making sure not to turn my back on the possible threat. Emmett followed, a smirk on his face. I took another painful breath and forced myself to face forward, away from him. It wasn't easy.

Edward led me down the stairs, moving at a brisk pace, far faster than I could have moved as a human. I smiled to myself when I did not trip, not even once.

"Looks like you won't be the world's first clumsy vampire. Now I owe Jasper two hundred dollars," Emmett grinned and slapped a hand on my shoulder.

I immediately tensed, whirled around, and hissed at him. He moved his hand and stepped back, but his smile remained. "Easy, Bella. Down, girl!"

"She's not a dog, Emmett," Edward scowled. "Bella, are you alright?"

"Yeah, sorry," I bit my lip, then grimaced. Ouch. My teeth were sharp, even to the hard marble of my skin. "I don't know what came over me."

"It's just your instincts, love," Edward reassured me. "That's completely normal for you to react like that. Now come on."

I swallowed thickly as I followed him out of the house, wincing at the dry burn in my throat. I was_ so_ thirsty. I rubbed my hands on my clothes in a nervous gesture, still slightly tensed from before.

It was then I realized what I was wearing.

We were now in the yard, and I turned back to see Jasper and Alice watching us through the upstairs window. "Alice!" I snarled.

She peeked over Jasper's shoulder, a sheepish smile on her face.

"_What_ is _this_?" I asked, eyes narrowed dangerously. "Why am I wearing this dress?"

"Bella, I'm sorry, but I could hardly let you go out on your first day as a vampire wearing plain, ordinary clothes that you wore for three days in a row," Alice protested. Jasper eyed me warily, though I heard the others laugh.

I hesitated, my eyes flickering back and forth rapidly between the house and the forest. I wanted to change, if nothing more than to spite Alice, but it was getting harder to form coherent thoughts with the burn worsening in my throat. I needed to feed.

I growled softly, deliberately chucked the heels I was wearing back through the window, and ripped two slits in the sides of my dress, exposing my thighs and allowing for better movement. Emmett whistled, and I growled at him.

"Bella," Edward called gently, and my thirst overwhelmed me again. I swallowed hard and took his outstretched hand. He leapt with me over the river, which was phenomenally easy and really quite fun, and then we began to run through the trees, Emmett on my other side.

I laughed, and it sounded like tinkling bells. It was completely exhilarating. The trees flew by us, though I could see every detail on every branch and leaf. My feet were bare, but the ground might as well have been made of thick, plushy carpet. The wind whipped my hair back. A scent on the breeze caught my attention, and I stopped immediately, digging my heels into the earth. Emmett and Edward flew passed me, then doubled back, their expressions full of comprehension and eagerness.

They watched and waited. I sniffed the air again, tasting a musky aroma that only slightly appealed to me. I was not picky, however, as my thirst was so powerful I thought I would die. Another sniff to be sure, and I was off, sprinting through the trees to get to my prey.

The sound of heavy paws on dry leaves had me change my direction slightly. The smell was getting stronger. Venom pooled in my mouth, and my nostrils flared. I emerged through the trees on a very short cliff overlooking a clearing framed by thick, thorny bushes. A large bear rustled through a berry bush, grunting and sniffing.

With a feral snarl, I leapt down onto my prey. It barely had time to look up before I was on him, my strong, pale arms wrapped around his thick neck. He roared and stood up on his hind legs, with me still attached to his body. He swung his paws wildly, his claws feeling like little more than soft brushes against my marble skin.

I threw my head back, then sank my teeth deep into his throat, piercing the artery. Warm, wet blood spilled onto my tongue and down my throat. It had a strange, not totally unappealing flavor, not enough to completely quench my thirst, but well enough to soothe the burn. I drank greedily, ignoring his flailing paws.

I did not flinch as he fell on his back, and sucked the remaining mouthfuls of blood from his body. His heartbeat faltered and died. I released my grip on the bear, pushed his body off of me, and stood, unnecessarily breathing quickly. That bear would have crushed me, would have mauled me had I been human. But as a vampire, a bear was all too easy. Edward and Emmett stood in front of me. Emmett grinned wildly. "Hot," he commented, his eyes looking me up and down.

I looked down on my body and would have blushed if I could have. The blue satin dress that clung tightly to my body was ripped in large chunks in several places. I ran my hand through my hair, noting it was messy and tangled. A drop of blood fell from my chin and landed on the deep blue material. I cringed. "I guess I could have done that better," I said.

Edward unbuttoned his shirt and slipped my arms through it. "You did perfectly. It was hard for me not to jump in."

I tilted my hand and looked at his eyes. "Why? Are you that thirsty?"

He laughed. "No. it was just difficult watching you take on a fully grown bear."

"I had no problem whatsoever. What a show," Emmett clapped his hands together. "Who's ready for some more?"

I grimaced. My throat still burned, though not as badly as before. I was ready for more. I nodded. "Let's go."

Two large deer and one mountain lion later, I was finished. My thirst was not completely satisfied; a constant, dull burn remained in my throat. But it was not overwhelming anymore, I could mostly ignore it.

"Race you back to the house," Edward raised an eyebrow in challenge. I grinned, eager to test my newfound speed and strength. I shot forward into the trees, Edward right at my side. He was definitely faster, but I had the advantage of newborn strength, which propelled me through the forest slightly ahead of him.

Seconds later, he was in front of me. We were approaching the river. Determined, I took a flying leap, soared gracefully through the air, and landed with a gentle thud on the other side. Another few seconds, and I was at the house, a grin on my face. Edward wrapped me in his arms and kissed me.

"Damn, you guys are fast," Emmett flew passed us into the house.

Edward pulled away, and I frowned. His eyes gazed down my body, then back at my face. "Perhaps you'd like to change?"

I grimaced and nodded. Taking my hand, we sped through the house to his-our bedroom.

"Here, let me help," Edward said gently. Within moments he pulled out a soft green layered blouse and jeans.

"Thanks," I smiled, stood on my toes, and kissed him quickly. "Be right back."

I rushed to the bathroom, intent on cleaning the blood that remained on my face and running a brush through my hair and froze, my clothes in my unmoving hands.

Shock ran through me like electricity, and I stared with wide eyes at the reflection in the mirror. I heard a muffled growl, and then Jasper and Edward were standing at the bathroom door.

I took in my new appearance; pale, pearly white, flawless skin, lips perfectly shaped and full, slight bloodstains on my chin, pronounced cheekbones, and sleek shiny hair, even though it was tangled from my hunt. It still looked like me, but an airbrushed, supermodel version. The most shocking part was my eyes. Ruby red, instead of buttery gold. I was so overwhelmed, I began to hyperventilate, despite the fact that I no longer needed to breathe.

"Bella! Bella, it's alright," Edward gripped my arms and turned me away from my reflection. Jasper stood behind him at the door.

I was shaking, and my shock turned to irrational fear. I hissed through my bared teeth and broke from his grip. I hunched into the corner, my wide, terrified eyes glancing back and forth at their tense, concerned expressions.

"Bella," Edward took a step forward, and Jasper's hand shot out to grip his shoulder. Edward pushed it off. "Bella, you're okay. The eyes will eventually turn amber, like ours. It will only take a matter of months as you continue to drink animal blood, and then they'll be normal. I promise."

Waves of calm washed over me, and I placed a hand to my forehead and straightened with a sigh. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. What's _wrong_ with me?"

Edward wrapped his arms around me. "Shh, there's nothing to be sorry for. You are a newborn vampire. It's very overwhelming at first. Everyone struggles with their instincts, their emotions, and their thirst. This is all normal. You will adjust, I promise."

I gazed over his shoulder at Jasper, who nodded. "Thank you," I whispered, and he disappeared from the doorway. I pulled away from Edward. "I'm fine now, really. I'll just be a minute."

Edward kissed my forehead. "I'll be downstairs when you're ready."

Careful to avoid looking at my eyes again, I splashed water on my face until it was clean and quickly brushed my hair. My appearance was still flawless, I noted with slight satisfaction. I tossed the ruined dress over the shower curtain and slipped on my new clothes.

I walked down the stairs, aware of every muscle, every movement. Alice waited for me, her arms crossed, a scowl on her face. I held my hands up. "Hey, it's not my fault your dress got ruined. You should have known better than to put something like that on a newborn vampire during her first hunt."

"It's not that," she pouted. "I wanted to be there when you saw yourself for the first time."

I winced. "Trust me, you didn't."

Alice hugged me briefly and smiled brilliantly at me. "You're absolutely stunning, Bella."

I waited for the telltale blush that would never come, then smiled shyly. "Thanks, Alice."

"Bella," Carlisle stepped into the room. "How are you?"

I shrugged. "Ok, I guess. It's hard dealing with all the mood swings, and the thirst, not to mention adjusting to this body. It's all a little much."

He nodded sympathetically. "That is all perfectly normal, Bella. In fact, I am surprised you are doing so well."

"This is well?" I raised an eyebrow. "I've gone psycho like three times already."

"Most newborns are completely controlled by their bloodlust and instincts for the first few months," Jasper spoke up. "The fact that you can focus on other things, as well as suppress some of your instincts is remarkable. Your control is quite good for a newborn."

If this was good behavior, I would hate to see what a normal newborn was like on a daily basis.

"That's my Bella," Edward smiled at me. I grinned back, grateful that I still had my feelings for him, that I still felt mostly like myself despite some mishaps.

"Bella, I wondered if I could speak with you about your change," Carlisle inquired, his eyes alit with anticipation.

I stiffened slightly, then forced myself to relax. "Of course."

Carlisle headed up to the study, and I went to follow him, Edward by my side. My stomach clenched. It would be harder to lie with Edward around. I glanced back at the room. Jasper seemed to notice my discomfort, but a bemused look was sent my way, assuring me that he did not suspect the reason for my nerves.

I sat down on a chair my Carlisle's desk as he pulled out a journal. "If you are uncomfortable talking about this, we can do it another time," he offered me an out.

I was tempted to take it, but wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. "It's fine."

"Alright, so what did you experience when you first went under?" Carlisle's golden eyes bore into mine. Edward squeezed my hand reassuringly.

"It was dark," I said carefully. "I couldn't see anything, feel anything, or move at all."

"Did this change at all?"

Brief hesitation. "No."

"You felt absolutely no pain? None whatsoever?" Carlisle asked excitedly, and I felt Edward's eyes on my face.

I shook my head, "None. I just remember the darkness, and then my heart speeding up and stopping. Then I woke up."

Carlisle wrote furiously, muttering to himself. I could hear his words perfectly, though I tuned them out. Edward was smiling at me, relieved that the morphine had worked.

"Thank you, Bella," Carlisle looked up gratefully. "The morphine is definitely something to keep in mind should another situation arrive, as unlikely as it may be. I am most relieved to hear that you experienced no pain."

Guilt squirmed in my insides. I hated lying to him, and knew I would have to find a way to tip him off when Edward wasn't around.

"What about the Volturi?" I asked as the thought suddenly occurred to me. Edward stiffened. Carlisle looked perfectly at ease.

"I let them know during your change. They will remain in Italy," he said.

I sighed with relief. Carlisle hesitated, like there was something else on his mind. Edward did not relax. "They will want to see you for themselves, but they understand that you are a newborn that can't be around people. In a few months time, however, they will be expecting a visit."

I shuddered, and Edward squeezed my hand. "You won't be going alone," he assured me.

We headed back downstairs to join the rest of the family.

Suddenly, the atmosphere changed, and everyone in the room had frozen. My body tensed instinctively, and I wondered what had happened to cause such a reaction.

And then I smelled it; earthy, musky, and repulsive, and I wrinkled my nose in disgust. I could hear a raging heartbeat, the sound of heavy breathing, of a roaring motorcycle. Then my eyes widened in recognition. Jacob was here.


	5. Chapter 5: Stormy Weather

_A/N: Ok, so this chapter may not seem as different from Breaking Dawn as some of you readers would like, but I promise that everything will work out. The things that happen in this chapter have some pretty significant decisions that effect the course of this story. So stick with me through the build up. I assure you that this story will take a very different path than canon. That being said, enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight_

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><p><strong>Chapter Five: Stormy Weather<strong>

"Jacob," I breathed.

Edward was at my side in a flash.

"What does the dog want?" Rosalie growled.

"I can feel the emotions coming off of him in waves," Jasper's tense eyes met Edward's. "He's very upset."

Edward scoffed. "That would be an understatement."

"Why is he here?" I whispered. The last time we had seen each other hadn't gone over so well. I had been sure that he would never want to see me again. Not like this.

"Charlie told him you were leaving for college early," Edward spoke through clenched teeth. "And he figured out we were still here. He wants to see for himself if you've been changed or not. He is very…irrational right now."

Emmett popped his knuckles menacingly. "I'll take care of it."

"No," Carlisle said sternly. "There will be no fighting here."

"I can take it outside," Emmett grinned. Esme gave him a stern look of disapproval.

"I can't say the same for Jacob," Edward said. "He's ready to start something."

We remained, tense and silent, as the sound of his heartbeat, his heavy breathing, and his motorcycle got louder. I grabbed Edward's hand for reassurance. Though Jake's smell was unappealing to me, I feared his reaction, and mine. I was relieved that his wolfy scent was so awful, and that there was no desire to drink his blood. Part of me was pleased to see him, excited even.

The motorcycle's roar died, and I heard Jacob's heavy footsteps coming up the steps. Carlisle sped to the door and opened it before Jacob could knock. "Jacob, what can I do for you?"

"She here?" his gruff voice asked, and my heart, had it been beating, would have skipped a beat.

"Bella?" Carlisle clarified unnecessarily. "She's right inside. Would you like to come in?"

Jacob stepped passed him and entered the living room, his body tense, his eyes dark and wild. He froze, and his eyes met mine. I hesitated. "Jake?"

His eyes widened as he looked me up and down, hardly breathing as he did so. His heart sped up as his gaze locked with mine. I saw a myriad of emotions flash through those brown eyes; shock, denial, pain, hopelessness. I winced, hating that I was causing him pain _again_.

Edward cleared his throat. When he spoke, his voice was strained with anger. "Is there something you wanted, Jacob?"

Jacob's head snapped towards him, fury written all over his face. "Outside, now," his fists clenched and tightened. Edward made to step forward, and I moved in front of him in a flash, a warning hand on his chest.

"No!" I said. Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper all growled quietly. The air was thick with tension and anger.

Jacob had a hard time meeting my eyes, and instead focused his angry gaze over my shoulder at Edward behind me. "Jacob," I started.

"Don't!" his voice was tense and pained. "Stay out of this."

"No," I said firmly, my eyes narrowed. "You two aren't going to fight and try to kill each other."

"Move, Bella," Edward ordered.

"I won't," I glared at the pair of them. "Stop it, both of you! You're behaving like children!"

"Jake," my voice softened. "It's still me, you know. I'm just…less breakable now. This was my choice, mine, not his. You knew this was going to happen."

"What's the matter, bloodsucker? Too afraid I'll beat you?" Jacob ignored me.

Edward laughed coldly. "Hardly."

"Jacob," Carlisle spoke, and Jacob shifted uncomfortably. "You are understandably upset, but I'm afraid we cannot permit you to attack any member of our family. It would be best if you left and took awhile to calm down."

"Calm down?" Jacob asked incredulously. "Look at her!"

He gestured wildly at me, and I flinched. Jacob began to tremble and shake. He was losing control. Edward growled as Jacob continued. "He killed her, he murdered Bella! Am I supposed to celebrate now that she's a bloodsucking monster?"

If I had been human, I would have cried. His words stung and hit me harder than they should have. My face crumpled. Alice and Jasper snarled at him. The pain I felt made me feel defensive, and I bit my lip to keep a hiss from spitting from my lips.

"Leave, now," Edward radiated anger.

"No," Jacob refused angrily. "Sam and the others might think you didn't break the treaty, but I know otherwise. You killed her, and now you have to pay."

He took a step towards Edward, and I reacted automatically, hunching into a defensive crouch, snarling at the one who threatened my mate. Jacob froze. His eyes widened with shock and hurt. His body was tense, and he bit his lip. I could see his conflicted emotions warring over each other.

Jacob shot Edward one last, furious, broken look before storming out of the house. I heard his clothes tear as he shifted and changed into a wolf and charged through the trees, leaving his motorcycle in the middle of the drive.

I shook my head, snapping out of it and realizing what I had done. "No," I whispered. I stepped forward to run after him. "Jake, wait!"

Edward's hand seized my wrist before I could reach the door. "Bella…"

"Let go. I have to—I need to apologize to him," I said frantically. "I didn't mean to snarl at him like that. He's hurt, and he doesn't understand. I have to make this right!"

"It won't do you any good, Bella," Edward said.

"He's right," added Jasper. "Jacob is not himself, and he needs time more than anything right now."

"But-"

"Trust me, Bella," Edward said, his eyes serious. "You would be doing more harm than good by going after him."

I sank into the nearest chair, my eyed wide with hurt. What had I been expecting? That Jacob would see me, realize that I was fine, and we could all be friends and hang out together? I scoffed inwardly. Yeah, right.

Poor Jacob. I knew it would hurt him to see me as a vampire. He had made that much clear. And I had made it so much worse by acting like a vicious, unsteady newborn. How could I ever fix this?

Waves of calm washed over me, and I sank into the feeling of numbness eagerly. I only just realized that I had been shaking. Edward knelt in front of me and took my face gently in his hands.

"Bella, don't listen to a word he said, do you hear me?" his eyes gazed deep into mine. "What happened wasn't your fault."

"I'm alright," I replied automatically.

I received several doubtful looks and sighed. "I, it just- that wasn't how I wanted it to go. I was hoping that maybe he could, I don't know, understand after I was changed. I was stupid."

"Hey," Edward said firmly. "Hoping that someone will care about you and support your decisions is not stupid, Bella."

"He'll come around," Esme said lightly.

Rosalie snorted, and Alice shot her a dark look.

"Alice?" Jasper asked just as Edward's head turned to look at her. She gazed at the floor unseeingly, then broke from her trance with a smile.

"Storm's coming," she said cheerfully.

"So?" I asked, confused.

Alice grinned. "I think it's time for Bella's first baseball game."

My stomach leapt. I was anxious to test out my speed and strength again, but…what if I was horrible at baseball, as I was when I was a human? What if I was still clumsy, even as a vampire? What if I made a fool of myself? My face must have been an open book, because Alice said, "Don't worry Bella, you'll do fine. I promise."

I smiled in relief, eager to close the Jacob drawer once more and have some fun. In the distance I heard a low, heartbroken howl. My smile twitched, threatening to disappear entirely. Alice seized my hand.

"Come on, Bella! I have the perfect outfit for you to wear!" she gushed excitedly.

I rolled my eyes, but smiled, grateful for the distraction, even if it was a dangerous one.

* * *

><p>I stepped up to the plate, nervously biting my lip as I tightly gripped the bat in my hands. I could just see it now, me swinging wildly, missing the ball and falling flat on my face. This was going to be humiliating.<p>

What had Emmett said earlier? About being the world's first clumsiest vampire? I had done amazingly well this morning and afternoon, so I shouldn't mess this up, right?

Alice winked at me from where she stood off-field. That made me feel slightly better. Perhaps I wouldn't make a total fool of myself.

It was girls versus guys. Rosalie offered me a small smile that looked more like a grimace. She still didn't care for me, or my decision to become a vampire. But at least she was trying to be civil.

"Don't be going easy on her, Edward," Emmett called.

Edward just smirked in response. Jasper wound his arm back, and I held my breath, raising the bat. The ball would have zipped past me without me even seeing it, had I been a human. Instead, my vampire eyes zoned in on the moving ball heading in a swift curve directly at me. I waited, then swung with all my might at the right moment. The sound was earth shattering.

The ball flew out of my line of sight, which was saying something, and Edward and Emmett were off into the trees. Throwing the bat to the ground, I ran as fast as I could around the plates. I listened carefully as I ran. The boys were racing back towards me. I put on a new burst of speed, fell back gracefully, as if I was in the Matrix, and slid to home base just as Edward tagged me with the ball.

"Safe," Esme called, and my face split into an excited grin.

"I did it!" I squealed, jumping to my feet and wrapping my arms around Edward.

"You did!" he grinned and kissed me.

"Hey, the game's still going!" Emmett growled.

"And we'll need that extra bat I brought," Alice skipped to the plate, where the bat I used lay splintered into several pieces.

"Oops," I grimaced. "Sorry."

The game continued, and it was the most intense game of baseball I had ever witnessed or participated in. Edward was fast, and Emmett was strong, but I was stronger. I laughed as I ran, exhilarated by my new body and what it could do.

Much to Emmett's frustration, the girls won. By a lot, thanks to me, I'm proud to say. Being a newborn vampire had its disadvantages, but it had its perks too.

Night had begun to fall, though it hardly affected my vision. I looked around me, full of new wonder at the world around me. I could penetrate the darkness with my eyes, still able to see every detail of every rock, bush, tree, and leaf. The stars glimmered, and they were brighter and clearer than I had ever seen them before. My ears could detect all sorts of sounds. Crickets chirped loudly, and nocturnal animals began to scurry about, rustling the leaves on the ground.

Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder and gave me a proud smile. "Good work, Bella."

"Thanks," I tucked a stray hair behind my ear.

I took a deep breath, and caught the faraway scent of deer. Flames flared in my throat, and I gripped it tightly with my hand.

I was met with sympathetic looks. "So soon?" I whispered hoarsely.

"The thirst gets easier to bear as time goes on," Carlisle answered. "This is normal for a newborn."

Edward took my hand. "Shall we?"

"Don't go East," said Alice. "There will be hikers straying from the trail."

"Thanks, Alice," I shot her a grateful look before letting Edward lead me into a sprint towards the trees. Despite having been running for the past hour or so, I was not tired. I never tired, or got out of breath.

I followed the scent of deer desperately and didn't hesitate when I came upon the herd. Seizing the antlers of the largest buck, I twisted its head so its neck was exposed to me and sank my teeth deep into its throat. My sharp teeth sank easily through the hair, skin, and muscles to the artery as if it were made of butter. I drank greedily as blood washed over my tongue and eased the burning of my dry throat. After seconds it stilled, and I eased the body to the forest floor.

I turned. Edward was watching me. His eyes were burning.

"What?" I licked the remaining blood off of my lips.

"Do you have any idea how…sexy you look right now?" Edward stepped towards me and pulled me in his arms.

I felt a flash of heat and desire melting inside of me and gasped. With a low growl I captured his lips in mine, suddenly hungry for something else. Our mouths battled for dominance as we kissed fiercely, and I was very, very pleased that neither of us needed to breathe. When we did actually pull apart, we were both panting.

Edward's eyes were dark with desire, and I imagined mine must look the same. He gently kissed my lips and moved down my jaw, licking the leftover blood from my kill. As his lips trailed down my throat, I shuddered. "I…I thought that I wouldn't…feel this way for you….for awhile…"

Edward's lips had reached my collarbone. "I'm not complaining," he murmured against my skin. We fell to the forest floor, our bodies entangled together. The moon was full, bright, and blinding as it bathed us in its pale light.

* * *

><p>Life couldn't get any better than this. Or un-life, I should say. Every positive emotion that ever existed wrapped around me in a warm, secure blanket, and Jasper wasn't even around to make it so. Edward's head lay on my bare chest, and I idly stroked his silky hair as I stared up at the starlit sky. The edges of the sky that I could see through the trees had begun to lighten, and dawn was approaching.<p>

I breathed in his scent, and a satisfied smile curved my perfect lips. We lay there on the forest floor, our arms wrapped tightly around each other.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"We should probably get back."

I frowned, my peaceful bubble destroyed in an instant. I growled, and he chuckled.

"Trust me, I would rather stay out here with you forever, but the others will start to worry," Edward kissed my neck.

"No they won't," I shifted under him. "Alice will see that we're fine. Better than fine."

"You're insatiable," he grinned.

"Absolutely," I replied, then frowned.

"What is it?"

"This is all so…different," I bit my lip, slightly relieved at the familiar gesture. "I feel like me, but I don't. Does that make sense?"

Edward gazed at me

"It's like a completely different world," I continued, staring up at the stars. "Like a dream, maybe. I've known for awhile that this is what I wanted, but I could never have expected this. I see differently, I feel differently, I smell and taste things differently, I have a new body with unbelievable strength and speed, and it's just so _different_. My wants, my desires, my needs, I mean, it's just so much to take in."

I looked back at Edward. His face was carefully controlled in an expressionless mask, but his eyes could not hide the anxiety and misery he must have been feeling. "Edward?" I asked in alarm.

He rolled on his side, took my hand, and pulled us both up into sitting positions. "I know that this is overwhelming, Bella," he began in a slow, careful way that made me nervous. "I should have done better explaining it. I should have showed you more, taught you more about what to expect, prepared you better for what this life would be like…then perhaps-"

"No!" I gasped, horrified. "Edward, that isn't what I meant. I don't regret this choice."

He turned away, his eyes pained. I grabbed his jaw and turned him towards me, pleased that I had the strength to do so. "Listen to me, Edward Cullen. I do not regret this choice. I do not regret this life. I do not regret you, and I never will. Sure, this is all overwhelming and new, and I'll admit, a little scary. But I knew that this would happen, and I chose it anyways. Do you know why? Because I love you, and I want to be with you forever."

I kissed him, desperate to prove to him my words were true. He responded just as desperately. Over and over again we proved our love, day and night. Time was inexistent, as was everything else except for each other. Everything I felt, every emotion, sensation, and feeling was overwhelming and wonderful, and I held on to that endless moment. It was just Edward and I, and we were content.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Let me just say I am so so so thankful for all of you who have left reviews. I really enjoy writing this story, and the feedback is what motivates me to update every couple of days. Don't expect it to be like that forever though...I might run into some rough patches. Anyways, I really appreciate it. So it kind of pains me to have to write this, but there will be a warning at the top of the next chapter, and what will happen...well, not everyone will like. And I know I might lose some fans over this, but I really want it to be different from Breaking Dawn, and I think this is a good way to go. Just a warning. I hope you guys continue to read and review, and I love you all! Til next time..._

_Coming up: Chapter Six: Life and Death_


	6. Chapter 6: Life and Death

_Warning: This chapter contains character death._

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Six: Life and Death<strong>

Edward's eyes were definitely the most beautiful things I had ever seen. I could not look away from him as we lay on our bed the next afternoon. The fact that neither of us really needed to blink was a bonus. I could just get lost in the black depths, ringed with golden amber. He gazed just as deeply into mine.

"I love you," the words slipped from my lips before I even knew I said them.

"I love you, Bella," his velvety voice replied as his soft fingers trailed against my cheek.

My perfect lips curved into a smile. "I'm a vampire," I said giddily, feeling strong euphoria bubbling inside of me.

He chuckled and kissed my nose. "You are."

"I never thought this day would come," I leaned my forehead forward till it rested against his. "Where I would finally stand on equal ground with you. You can't break me, nothing can. I can protect you, just as you protected me. I have no more human limitations."

"And we have forever," he added.

"Forever," I sighed happily.

"So what do you want to do today?" Edward asked.

"I have a few things in mind," I said suggestively.

"Vixen," he muttered. "Do you have nothing but sex on your mind?"

I winced as my throat burned, a painful reminder of my new limitations. He frowned. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring it up."

"It's fine," I said, sitting up. I shrugged offhandedly.

"You are so beautiful," he murmured, his eyes trailing down my body. "You've always been beautiful, but now, you're a goddess."

I waited for my cheeks to grow warm, and was grateful that that human trait was gone.

"I am slightly disappointed, however," Edward said.

My face fell and my eyes widened with hurt. I flinched away from his hand and folded my arms around my chest, stung at his assessment.

"Look at me," he commanded, pulling my face closer so our lips were just a breath away. "I had hoped that after you changed I would be able to read your mind. It's just as hidden from me as before. You are stunning, Bella. The most magnificent creature I have ever seen in my lifetime."

We kissed tenderly, and I melted into his arms.

I was so focused on the feel of his lips on mine, the smell of his sweet breath, and the sound of his breathy moans, that I didn't realize someone was at the door of our room until they knocked loudly. Edward growled. "What?" he asked irritably.

Emmett opened the door, a smug grin on his face. He folded his arms over his chest and leaned against the doorframe casually.

I realized I was dressed in a very revealing nightie, and I pulled the sheets up above my chest in a flash, my eyes narrowed at him.

"You guys seriously need your own place," he commented. "It's kind of nauseating."

"Believe me, as soon as we get to Alaska, we will," Edward glared at him darkly. "What do you want?"

"Alice told me to bring you guys downstairs. She's had a vision," Emmett replied seriously.

I stiffened, and Edward took my hand. "Is it serious?" I asked warily.

He shrugged. "Don't know," Emmett said. "She just said it was important, so hurry up."

"You know, you could have just called us from downstairs," Edward said. "We are vampires."

"Where's the fun in that?" Emmett waggled his eyebrows and left.

I hurried to my closet, intent on throwing on the first clothes I saw, when a thought struck me. I turned to Edward. "Alaska?"

He nodded as he pulled on his jeans. "Cordova, to be specific. We can't stay in Forks much longer. The wolves are getting anxious with you here, and our alibi requires that we leave."

"Right," I replied, slipping on a white shirt.

"Don't worry, love," Edward said as he took my hand. "You'll love it there. It's perfect."

We headed down the stairs. "Why didn't you see Alice's vision?" I asked.

"I was a bit preoccupied," he said with a wry smile.

I giggled, but froze when I saw the family gathered in the living room, serious looks on their faces. My eyes sought Alice, who looked up at our arrival.

"It's time," she said solemnly, looking at Edward, whose eyes widened. He promptly burst into laughter, and I jumped at the unexpected sound.

"Time for what?" Rosalie asked, her eyes narrowed. "What's going on?"

Edward turned to me, his eyes bright with amusement. "Bella, love, you remember that favor I asked you before? About once you were a vampire?"

"N-" I stopped and thought, searching my fuzzy human memories. Comprehension washed over me. "Oh. Now?"

"Now," he nodded.

"Is someone going to fill us in, or do we have to play twenty questions?" Rosalie put her hands on her hips.

Carlisle and Esme wore confused smiles and waited.

"Emmett," I said as seriously as I could. "Are you up for a challenge?"

He jumped to his feet with a grin. "Absolutely. What did you have in mind?"

"We're going to fight," I said with a swift glance at Edward, who nodded. "First one pinned loses."

"Alright," he laughed. "Won't be much of a challenge, though."

"We'll see. Ladies first," I motioned to the door.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and headed for the stairs. "This is so not worth my time."

Emmett laughed and popped his knuckles menacingly as he passed me. I suppressed a shudder.

I followed him outside, trying not to freak out. This went against all of my instincts, which were screaming that this was a huge mistake. This was dangerous and wrong and foolish, and why was I doing this again?

"Relax," Edward whispered so low, I barely heard him. Emmett was stretching, his face dangerous and exited. "You will be fine. Trust me."

I nodded, trying to believe him and do as he said. Alice winked at me, but I couldn't smile. I was terrified.

Emmett was huge, the largest of the Cullens by far. His huge muscles and stature were intimidating even to humans. My newborn instincts were going wild.

Part of me wanted to flee as I looked into his eyes, which promised defeat. This was a mistake, and he would win. I should run. The other part wanted to hiss, spit, and growl at him, then tear him apart limb from limb. I didn't know which part scared me more. But Edward was confident, and so was Alice. So this would be safe, right?

"Farther away from the house, please," Esme called. It looked like everyone except Rosalie was going to watch. Perfect.

Emmett backed away into the trees. "It's not too late to back out, Bella," he smirked. "If you're too scared, that is."

My eyes narrowed. Warm fire singed through my chest, and body shifted slightly, responding to the challenge. Emmett grinned excitedly.

I watched his body carefully, noting every shift in his muscles. My gaze was predatory and calculative, and competitive confidence rose up inside of me.

And then he moved.

Emmett charged towards me, and something inside me snapped. A mixture of fear, instinct, anger, and power guided my movements. I shifted my weight, digging my feet into the ground. I raised my hands as he did, and a fourth of a second later, he slammed against me.

I slid backwards only a couple of feet from the impact. Our fingers intertwined, and I could feel him pushing all of his weight against me. His teeth were clenched, and his body shook with pressure.

I barely felt his strength. A feral smile graced my lips, and I could see Emmett's frustration building. I was stronger than him by far, and it was only too easy for me to hold him back.

Moving as fast as I could, I removed my hands from his and sidestepped him, crooking my foot around his ankle and pushing against his back with my left hand. Arms flailing, looking much like a cartoon, Emmett slammed face first into the dirt. I put my foot on his back, and with a huge grin, said, "I win."

Alice cheered, Esme and Carlisle clapped, and Edward and Jasper laughed loudly. I felt exhilarated. I had driven back my threatened feelings and took down the strongest vampire I knew.

"Emmett, no!" Alice called suddenly.

Emmett gave a roar of frustrated anger as he pushed himself to his feet. I staggered a few steps back, and at the look on his face, crouched back defensively and hissed.

Emmett took a step forward, his posture screaming danger, and I attacked. Growling, I swiped at him, my fingers curled into claws. My nails scraped through his shirt as he stepped back, and I was about to lunge when an arm snaked around my waist.

A sweet familiar scent blew into my face as a voice said, "Easy, Bella. It's alright. He's not going to hurt you."

I immediately relaxed, as all my fear and anger dissipated. I blinked. Jasper stood in front of Emmett, his face an impassive mask. "Thanks," I said.

He nodded, and I looked over his shoulder at Emmett, who seemed to have calmed down. His body was relaxed and his face bore a grin. "Damn, Bella."

"I'm sor-" a finger against my lips cut off my apology.

"Again, Bella, you have absolutely no reason to apologize," Edward said firmly. "Any of us would have reacted just the same. You perceived a threat and you attacked. No harm done."

"Great job, Emmett," Alice folded her arms across her chest. "You just had to throw a little hissy fit didn't you?"

"It wasn't a hissy fit!" Emmett cried indignantly.

"Temper tantrum, hissy fit, whatever you want to call it," Esme said. "That was very immature of you, and dangerous."

"And you owe me five hundred dollars," Jasper added.

Emmett swore and stalked off into the trees, obviously in a foul mood. I turned to Edward. "You're welcome."

He chuckled. "Thank you, Bella. That was very impressive."

"I know," I said nonchalantly.

Carlisle had to leave, something about finishing up some paperwork at the hospital, and Esme went inside to start moving preparations. "Edward?" she called from inside. "Could you come help me for awhile?"

Edward turned to go inside, and I made to follow him, but Alice stopped me. Edward gave her a look of annoyance.

"Bella and I are going out," she told him.

"You know she can't-"

"Not out in public, Edward," she said with a roll of her eyes. "I'm not stupid. We're just going for a run. We haven't had much private girl time since you got back. It's my turn with Bella."

Edward looked like he wanted to argue, but Esme said, "Edward, let the girls go. I need you for awhile anyways."

Edward kissed me lovingly, then with a final look of regret, went inside. Alice scoffed. "Honestly, he's such a drama queen. It's not like it's the last time you guys will see each other."

Edward growled from inside, and I giggled.

"Come on, Bella," Alice said, skipping backwards. "Let's go."

"Alice," Jasper said, a wary tone in his voice.

"Nothing's going to happen, Jazz, I promise," Alice smiled sweetly at him. "I've checked, and Bella and I are going to be just fine on our own."

He frowned, obviously uncomfortable with the idea of us being so far away from them. I could tell what he was thinking. What if Bella reacted to something and hurt Alice? We would be too far away for him to help.

"I promise," Alice said, and led the way into the trees.

* * *

><p>"How much longer are we staying in Forks?" I asked Alice.<p>

"Not much," Alice mused. "We haven't made any official decisions about it yet. But we already told Charlie you and Edward left for college, and that the rest of us are going off as well. It would be best if we moved somewhere quieter, out of the way of a human population, you know, just in case."

I winced. "Yeah."

"Don't worry. Alaska is great," she smiled serenely. "I'm guessing we will leave within the week."

"Have, have you heard anything about…Jake?" I said his name with difficulty.

She shook her head. "He hasn't contacted us since…And then of course, I can't see any of their futures," she scowled. "Sam called Carlisle yesterday, though."

I stopped running to look at her. "Sam? What did he want? Where was I?"

"You and Edward were…busy," I blushed. "The pack is getting nervous about having a newborn in the area, even if it is you," Alice said sympathetically. "They saw what happened when Jacob came over, and they are also afraid that he will do something rash."

I sighed and rubbed my hand over my face. "Right. So they definitely want us gone ASAP."

Alice nodded. "They are one of the pushing factors, yes. But don't worry," she smiled lightly. "They probably won't do anything. Carlisle let them know that we are leaving pretty quickly. Until then, we do as we please."

We lounged by the river, streaks of sunlight filtering onto our pale skin. I marveled at the sparkling diamonds on my bare arms, and gazed in awe at my glittering fingertips. "Whoa," was all I could say.

Alice giggled. "Neat, huh?"

I nodded. "That would be an understatement."

"I'm so glad you're not as vicious as other newborns, Bella," Alice leaned her head back in the sun. "You wouldn't be near as fun."

"Gee, thanks," I rolled my eyes, then frowned. "Are they much worse than I am? Cause from my point of view, I seem pretty bad, you know, flying off the rocker, attacking everyone…"

"Oh please," Alice waved offhandedly. "Didn't you see the newborns that attacked us? Oh, I guess you didn't. But seriously Bella, you know how you are in those moments when you lose control, when instinct takes over? Most newborns are like that _all the time_."

"All the time?" my eyes widened in horror.

Alice nodded. "So you see, you are doing extremely well. The most controlled I have ever seen before."

"I know it's only been a few days, but I kinda feel like I am losing my mind," I admitted, brushing against the surface of the water with my toe. "I don't want to lose control anymore. I hate it when my body just reacts."

"Hey," she said sympathetically. "Give it time. You'll adjust. Within a few months, your instincts will start to settle down. And after a year or two, we might be able to start getting you used to being around humans."

"Thanks, Alice," I smiled at her.

"Hey!" she opened her eyes excitedly as an idea came to her. I was immediately wary. "Some things came in that I ordered for you. Let's go back to the house so you can try them on."

I groaned. "Alice! No more clothes will fit in my closet. I don't want anymore. And didn't we just go shopping? You bought, like, a thousand pieces of clothing."

"You can never have too many clothes. How many times do I have to say that? I have room in my closet," she waved off my excuse. "Besides, I already know you'll love them."

"And they say I'm the monster," I shook my head. "Let's get this over with."

Alice and I headed back towards the house, taking our time and laughing as we talked. I heard the sound of a car in the distance, and as it got closer, Alice and I looked at each other.

"Who is it Alice?"

"I don't know," she frowned. "I can't see anything. Must be-"

She trailed off, smelling the same unappealing scent that I did. I sighed. "It's Jacob again."

The car was close now, and under the repulsive smell of Jacob, I suddenly caught scent of something far more appealing than anything I had ever smelled before. My throat burned, my nostrils flared, and suddenly that scent was the only important thing in the world. I needed it, it was mine.

I was off in a flash, speeding off towards my prey, the sound of its beating heart pumping blood through its body calling to me like nothing had before. Sweet and delicious, it made my mouth water with venom. I had to have it.

In seconds I had reached the road where the car was driving, and with one hand, stopped the car in its tracks. Racing to the door, I yanked it off. The smell of its blood was stronger now, it was somehow injured when I had stopped the vehicle. I breathed it in, my senses going wild at the incredible lure of human blood.

Strong hands pulled on me, but they were not strong enough. Nothing could distract me from my meal. I pulled it forward by its jacket and easily sank my razor sharp teeth into its warm neck. _Yes._ My eyes rolled back into my head as I drank greedily, draining my prey desperately, eager to ease the burning in my throat with its sweet blood. It was the best thing I had ever tasted, far better than the blood of animals. It was exactly what my burning throat has been craving. Its heartbeat began to falter, and I was suddenly ripped from my prize.

_No, no, no! It was mine! I needed more! Let go, let go of me! I need it!_

It took three vampires to pull me back, and I thrashed desperately, snarling and roaring. _Enemies_, they wanted my prey. It was _mine_. I struggled harder, clawing and kicking, but to no avail. More vampires appeared, and I thought I saw a wolf. There were voices, screams, but I couldn't understand any of it. All I understood was that they were taking my meal away from me.

Farther and farther I was dragged into the woods. The scent of blood began to fade, and eventually disappeared altogether. Still furious, I snarled and tried to fight off my attackers. Slowly I began to feel this foreign calm, removing my anger, my thirst, my drive to kill.

Minutes later, I sagged in their iron grips, breathing heavily and trembling. For the first time since I had become a vampire, I could not feel the burn in my throat. Everything was muffled, and slowly the red began to fade from my vision.

"Bella?"

I looked up, blinking, trying to make sense of everything. Edward was standing before me, his face taught with misery and guilt.

"It's okay, she's under control now," one of my captors, _no_, I told myself firmly, _Jasper_ said. And I was released. Emmett and Jasper came into my line of sight, both with matching expressions of sympathy.

"Edward?" I whispered, blinking slowly. I felt dazed, coming off of an extreme high. It slowly began to dawn on me, what I had done. The bloodlust, the chase, sinking my teeth into its throat and drinking, being taken away…

"Oh, oh _god_," I trembled violently, feeling sickened and horrorstruck. "_Oh!"_

"Bella, Bella, you have to calm down," Edward took my face in his hands, trying to make me look at him.

"No, _no, no_, no," I muttered wildly. "What have I done? _What have I done_?"

"Bella, it's alright," he held me tightly to him. "It wasn't your fault. Do you hear me, it wasn't your fault!"

Images that were shrouded in red before became clearer as I played the scene over and over in my head_. The car, the _police cruiser_, ripping the door open_…I was shaking harder and harder, horror, terror, shock, fear, disbelief all engulfing me…the world was spinning around me…_its face, _his_ face, staring at me in shock and confusion_…_seizing his jacket, the material familiar in my hands, and pulling him towards me_…_his brown eyes wide…his voice, trembling as he said my name…sinking my teeth into his skin, into his throat, drinking, sucking the life out of him…his heartbeat faltering…his body falling limp from my arms as I was dragged away, snarling._

I was screaming, a wild, feral, desperate scream that rang through the forest. Edward's arms held me tightly to him as he muttered words of comfort that I could not hear. My body was wracked with tearless sobs as I moaned and shrieked.

Feelings of peace and calm grazed against me, but could not penetrate the overwhelming feelings of horror and grief.

Time meant nothing to me as I knelt in the soft earth of the forest, in Edward's arms, shaking, and heaving, and screaming. Hours might have passed, days, weeks, months, years. I beat against Edward's chest, and though it must have hurt him greatly, he let me do so, and refused to let me go.

I begged between screams for him, for _anyone_ to kill me…to rip me apart and burn the pieces. I did not deserve to live. I was a monster, cruel and vicious, uncontrollable, and horrible.

My throat did not grow hoarse after hours and hours of screaming. My body did not tire from trembling and sobbing. For an eternity I suffered, drowning in my anguish, never tiring, never ceasing.

A long time passed, and a numb feeling finally seeped through my shell and covered my grief and pain with its sweet release that I did not deserve. I slumped wearily in Edward's arms, and he carried me bridal style back into the house. My eyes stared, unseeing, and I had lost the ability to speak, to hear, to feel.

I was placed on a bed, and I curled up into a ball, staring at the wall in front of me. A body slipped in behind me, curled up against me and pulled me closer. He might have spoken, but I didn't understand. I couldn't hear anything except the words replaying over and over in my mind.

I had killed Charlie.

I had murdered my father.

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><p><em>AN: So how many fans did I lose? :) _

_I know, I'm horrible. I really like Charlie as a character, but I wanted to break away from canon and do something that will set the characters on different paths. The previous chapters saw Bella unable to control her instincts, and this one exemplified that with her inability to control her thirst for human blood. You might have soe questions, and maybe you are wondering, what was Charlie doing at the Cullen's? It will be explained in the next chapter, told from Jacob's point of view. As always, thank you to those who reviewed, especially Ravenous Vamp, who is very encouraging, adn let me know wha tyou think of this chapter._


	7. Chapter 7: Monster

_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight_

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><p><em>This chapter will be told in Jacob's POV <em>

**Chapter Seven: Monster**

I glared darkly at the moon. It cast a white, serene glow over the tops of the trees. The constant cloud cover that hung over Forks had parted slightly, and I could easily see the bright, round moon and a handful of twinkling stars. It was a beautiful night.

I hated it.

How could everything look so damn perfect after what had just happened? It rained almost constantly here, but trust the weather to mess things up when you need it most. It should be raining. It should be storming. But instead it was beautiful.

How did everything get so messed up? I ran my hands over my face and pushed my fists against my eyes. Correction: How did_ I_ screw everything up?

Going to Charlie and telling him the truth had seemed such a good idea at the time. And now he was _dead_, and it was my fault.

I went through my thought process again, trying to find the logic, an excuse for my actions. Seeing Bella had been harder than I thought. She was beautiful, stunning, and absolutely perfect. Except she wasn't. She was a bloodsucker, cold and dead and vicious.

I had wanted to believe that it was her, and I wasn't expecting to see that much of Bella in that demon's body. But it had been her, for those few moments, and then she…

I sighed and shook my head. Blinded by my hurt, by my fury, I had charged off. The pack had heard my thoughts, and their response was simply relief that I hadn't done anything stupid. That infuriated me even more. Couldn't they see what those bloodsuckers had done to my Bella? And they were just going to sit there and pretend everything was ok?

That's when I took off again, letting my wolf instincts take over as I left Forks and the reservation far behind me. Bella had broken my heart _again_, and I had let her. What had I been expecting? That she would have gone on her honeymoon, realized she had married a monster, and come crying back to me, begging my forgiveness?

Yeah, right, and I was a Chihuahua.

Even though I remained as a wolf, trying to once again let my instincts push back my humanity, the pain and anger would not lessen. In my unstable state, I had come to a conclusion, and a decision I would come to regret more than anything I had ever done. Charlie believed his daughter was off to school in Alaska, happy and well, with her _husband_.

It wasn't right. It wasn't fair. Didn't he deserve to know that Edward had murdered his child and turned her into a bloodsucking demon? He had put up with so much over the years, and to not offer him closure, to just keep hurting him by saying, "Hey, sorry Dad, can't come home for Christmas again," or "Sorry Dad, I can't come to you on your deathbed," and never tell him the truth was just cruel. Charlie didn't deserve that.

I had raced to his house on my motorcycle, knocked on his door, and asked him to take a walk with me. He had been worried, and a little suspicious, but had followed me to the woods.

I told him that he had been lied to, that he was still being lied to, that he didn't live in the world that he thought he did.

And then I had changed.

For a moment I thought his eyes were literally going to pop out of his head, or that he was in shock, or that he was going to keel over.

I had changed back quickly, explaining about what I was. He didn't let me get far, telling me he didn't want to know all the details.

I grinned sadly to myself as I shook my head. Charlie had been a strong guy, stronger than I gave him credit for.

Then I made the worst decision of my life and told him about the Cullens. I told him what they were, what they did, what _Edward_ did. Shocked and horrified, he had asked if Bella knew about any of this.

I told him yes, and she had went anyways, so completely enthralled with Edward that she was willing to become one of them. Charlie had immediately went into protective mode, terrified for his daughter. Finally, someone was on my side. I told him that Bella had been changed, and he had been furious.

He stalked to his police cruiser, and when I asked where he was going, he said he was going to have a word with the Cullens. I followed on my bike. Part of me regretted some of my word choices, and an even smaller voice asked what the hell I was doing. I hadn't thought it through.

We had been heading over to their house, and I had almost been smiling, eager to see someone to support me, someone to rip into Edward and lay on the guilt. Then maybe I could persuade him to leave the protection of his clan so I could pay him back for killing Bella.

I had been so wrapped up in my thoughts and daydreams I didn't notice what was happening until it was too late.

Bella burst out of the line of trees and onto the road before I could blink. Her eyes were black with thirst, with need. Every muscle in her body had been tense and focused. She was the hunter, and she was horrifyingly beautiful.

Another second and she had stopped the car with a single hand and ripped off the door to the cruiser. Her hand reached inside, pulled a confused and terrified Charlie out of the car and sunk her teeth into his neck.

I was off the bike and running as a wolf as fast as I could, my mind blank with terror. Alice was pulling desperately at Bella, but she was no match for Bella's newborn strength. Three more bloodsuckers worked to pull her away, and finally wrenched her from his neck just as I got there.

Bella writhed and kicked out against them as they began to drag her away. She shrieked and roared and snarled, and a shudder went down my back at the sounds. I skid to a halt in front of Charlie's unmoving body.

The doctor and his wife knelt next to him. They were muttering frantically. Carlisle's hand pressed firmly against Charlie's bleeding throat, but his eyes were grim. I changed back, not caring that I was naked.

Charlie's breathing was shallow, and he was pale. I could hear his heartbeat, and it was slow and sluggish.

"Why are you just sitting there?" I screamed at Carlisle. "Do something! He's dying!"

"He's lost too much blood," his golden eyes met mine. "We're too late."

Charlie's hand groped on the ground, and I took it tightly into mine. It was cold against my fiery skin. "Hang in there, Charlie," I said desperately. "You're gonna be okay. I promise."

His eyes met mine, and his mouth opened to speak. It was so soft, so raspy, I could barely understand him. "Take care…of her, Jake…take care of…Bella."

Charlie's chest rattled as his last breath slipped from him, and his hand became limp in mine.

"No, no, no, damn it!" I pressed my hands against his chest to start CPR, but a freezing pale one seized my wrist. My fiery gaze snapped at him. "Let me go!"

"Jacob, there's nothing more you can do," Carlisle said sadly. "He's gone."

My vision blurred, and I looked down at Charlie's body lying still on the ground. I gazed at his unmoving hand, and something wet dropped onto it. I was crying.

A shrill, painful scream of horrified agony ripped through the silent air like a knife, and I jumped, startled. The screaming went on, breaking off every few moments in a choking sob, then resuming its painful symphony.

The wife, Esme, I remembered dimly, had a hand clasped to her mouth, and if she had been able to cry, she would have been. The pixie held onto the blonde, her face miserable.

"Oh god, poor Bella," she whimpered.

I stood and stumbled back from the scene, from Charlie's dead body lying on the ground, from the crushed police cruiser, from the family of bloodsuckers who were frozen in grim grief, from Bella's agonizing cries that echoed through the trees.

"I-I-I'm so s-sorry," I choked out, hot tears slipping down my cheeks as I backed away. I turned, unable to take it anymore, and moved to run. One step, two, and then I was running on four legs, the wind whipping through my fur.

I ran as fast as I could, emotions crashing over me in cold, strong waves. The scene played over and over in my head, and I ran faster. Everything had happened so fast. I felt as if the world had been ripped out from under me. I paused under a cluster of trees, threw my head back, and let out an agonized howl of grief.

That had been a week ago. My heart ripped a little more each time I thought about it, which was often. I had been rash, foolish, and it had cost Charlie his life. His death was entirely my fault, not Bella's.

I didn't blame Bella, much to the surprise of the pack. I had known that she was a newborn vampire, unstable and ruled by her instincts. And I was such an idiot that I had brought her father too close, and she had killed him. I hadn't even considered the danger for Charlie.

She must be in so much pain. I squeezed my eyes shut, but they could not keep back the tears. Knowing Bella, she was blaming herself instead of me, the real murderer. I had messed up, the understatement of the year. I had not phased back into a wolf since that night. I had stayed up in the mountains, far away from the pack. I was not interested in hearing their thoughts. I wanted to be left alone with my grief and self loathing.

I stood and gazed hatefully up at the moon. I had called Bella a monster. I was wrong.

I was the monster.

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><p><em>AN: Oh my goodness, thank you all so so so so so so so much for the super encouraging reviews! I wasn't sure what kind of response I would get after killing off Charlie, but you guys were so sweet and wrote such wonderful reviews. When I get feedback like that, it makes me want to update more just for you! You guys are seriousy what keeps me writing. I never wanted to write in Jacob's point of view, but I thought that it was necessary to explain just what Charlie was doing at the Cullen's and why Alice never saw it coming. I hope you guys liked it. _

_Coming up: Chapter Eight: Goodbye_


	8. Chapter 8: Goodbye

_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight_

_Bella's POV_

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><p><strong>Chapter Eight: Goodbye<strong>

Edward's hand, now pleasantly warm to my cold skin, trailed up and down my arm with feather light touches. His voice murmured softly, "It's alright…Everything's going to be okay…It wasn't your fault, Bella…"

I didn't move. I didn't respond to his touches or his words. I didn't blink or shift my body. I was as frozen as a statue. I knew that Jasper lingered close by, keeping me drugged in thick numbness. But he could not keep out the cold.

Before, during my change, my heart burned with unbearable fire. Now, it lay un-beating on a bed of ice, blue and trembling, and unable to get free. Words kept repeating in my mind, though in my numb state, I couldn't really register them.

Charlie was dead, and I had killed him. Part of my mind began to rebel against my numbness, fighting it with all I had. I didn't deserve the sweet release of being unable to feel. I deserved to be punished. I deserved to ache, to mourn, to hate. I did not deserve to be free.

My muscles trembled with the strain of fighting against Jasper's empathic control, and I clenched my pillow so hard, it ripped and sent feathers flying everywhere. A blurred flash of a scene on an island with feathers and smiles filled my mind for half a second and disappeared.

"Bella?" Edward's worried voice spoke close to my ear.

"_Tell. Him. To. Stop_," I said through clenched teeth, my fingers now digging into the mattress.

"Bella, he's trying to help you," Edward explained hurriedly. "We don't want you to hurt yourself. It's better this way."

Anger was the first emotion that slipped through my emotionless bubble. "I don't want his help," I snapped. "I don't want to not feel! _Stop it_, Jasper!"

Jasper and Alice entered the room. Alice quickly knelt next to the bed, her face pleading with mine. "Listen to me. You need this. If he doesn't help keep you calm, you're going to hurt yourself, or get yourself killed, or others killed. You need to let him help you."

My body shook more, and I could not contain a hiss. My ravaged mind could not understand the logic behind her words. All I knew was that I was being controlled when I did not want to be.

"Jasper!" Edward snapped, his voice alarmed.

"I'm trying," he said through clenched teeth. I could hear the strain in his voice. His hands were fists at his sides as his golden eyes stared me down. "_She's fighting it_…"

"Bella, please," Edward moaned.

"_No,_" reason was no longer a factor. Enraged, I snarled at Jasper, emotions slipping through his barrier of control. Anger, pain, guilt, grief, horror all flooded my being.

"Edward, you have to help her!" Alice cried. Red clouded my vision, much like before, and I twisted away from the vampires surrounding me. I sped towards the window, unable to deal with the raging emotions crashing down on me, but unwilling to slip back into that drugged state. Emmett suddenly blocked my view, standing between me and the window, his posture defensive.

"Get out of the way!" I growled fiercely.

I felt calm pressing gently against me, calling soothingly. I turned my head and roared at Jasper. "No!"

"Bella!"

I was so surprised to hear her voice that I froze and stared at her with wide eyes. Rosalie gripped my arms, and I could not keep out a growl. Her face was intense as she stared at me.

"Your father is dead," she snapped, and I broke her grip, ready to attack her. She stood her ground. "Nothing you do will change that. Do you honestly think that going all psycho will bring him back? It won't! The only thing you are doing right now is hurting yourself and us. Will it make you feel better if you run away all furious and hurt and end up killing someone else? Will you feel better then?"

It was as if I had been slapped. I stopped struggling and deflated. Most of my emotions dissipated into nothing, but this time, the numbness was not complete. I looked at Rosalie, and our eyes met. I should be angry at her, but I wasn't. And it wasn't Jasper who was preventing that anger. It just didn't exist.

Edward's hands eased me back onto the bed, and I went willingly. I looked at Jasper, who looked as if he was in pain, then he carefully schooled his features.

"I'm sorry," I murmured.

Emmett wrapped his arms around Rosalie's waist. Everyone's features were blank. My eyes burned with the tears that would not come. Jasper had wisely adjusted his control so that I could feel again, but not so much that I would freak out. A sob slipped through my lips and I laid my head on Edward's shoulder. He held me carefully and rubbed my back.

"Come on, let's give them some space," Alice said softly, motioning for the others to follow.

"Rosalie," I choked, surprised at how pleasant my voice sounded through my sobs. She stopped to look back at me. "Thank you."

She nodded with the smallest of smiles and followed the others out of the room.

I gripped Edward's shirt with my hand as I broke down. The material tore beneath my hands, and I let out a wail of despair.

"It's alright, Bella," Edward said, and through his soothing tones I heard his pain. "I know it must seem like the end of the world right now, but we'll get through this. I promise."

My eyes were dry and irritated, and I wished fervently that there were tears to fall. It was maddening, as if I was on the brink of tears, but they wouldn't come.

I succumbed to my grief, clutching Edward tighter to me as I cried. After about an hour, my sobs had just begun to subside when he stiffened.

I blinked up at him, his face taut with agony and rage. "Edward? What is it?"

He stood, and I stood with him. "We have to go, now."

Edward released me and began moving as fast as he could, throwing all of our possessions in various suitcases. "Bella, help me pack, quickly."

"What's going on?" my grief was set aside, still present, but not the focus of my mind. Instead, I felt a rising panic.

"It's noth-"

"Don't tell me it's nothing," I interrupted furiously, my voice rising in pitch. "What did you hear?"

"You don't have to worry about it, love," he explained, but hurried on. "Alice had a vision."

"And?" I asked, my stomach dropping.

"You—your future…it disappeared," Edward whispered, his face tight. "But don't worry. We're getting you out of here in time. You'll be fine, I promise."

My mind was racing. Why would my future disappear? The only thing Alice couldn't see were the wolves. I froze as realization hit me, and I shut my eyes.

The pack was coming here. For me. Sam and the others were coming to rip me apart, to avenge Charlie's death, to ensure that I never killed again. My insides squirmed with panic, but relaxed as a new thought struck me.

I deserved to be destroyed for what I did. Running wild with emotions and possibly killing others wouldn't make anything right, but if I were to meet them, away from the Cullens…

A roar made me jump, and I opened my eyes to see a furious Alice standing inches from my face. I backed away with a slight hiss, but she stepped forward and seized my arms.

"Isabella Marie Cullen!" she seethed. "How dare—how could—Don't even think of going to those mongrels!"

Edward inhaled sharply at the image he must have seen. I spoke, "I wasn't-"

"Don't you dare lie to me!" Alice shrieked. "I saw it. I understand you are going through a lot, and that your emotions are too hard to bear, but I can't believe you would be that-that selfish!"

"Selfish!" it was my turn to seethe as anger became my dominant emotion.

"Yes, Bella, selfish!" Alice spat. Her fingers dug into my arms painfully. "How could you even consider killing yourself? Do you not remember how that ended up last time? Do you want to kill Edward too? What about Esme? Or me? How do you think we would feel if you offed yourself and Edward followed you? Huh? And do you honestly think that we wouldn't follow you and fight those wolves to the death to protect you?"

I broke from her painful grip with a snarl, and Edward threw himself between us, though it wasn't necessary. I leaned against the glass window, panting, my anger slowly leaving me. Jasper was now in front of his mate, his eyes unblinking and ready for me to attack.

She was right, of course. They all were. No matter how much I knew I deserved to die, I couldn't cause the death of any more of my family. I couldn't do that to Edward.

Carlisle entered the room, his face careful. "I realize that it isn't the best time, but we need to move, quickly. Gather what things you need and get to the cars. Now."

Jasper led Alice away, but not before I gave her an apologetic look. She smiled reassuringly in response.

Edward did not speak to me, and we both packed swiftly in silence. As I was about to toss my favorite blue blouse into the suitcase, I froze, hit with a thousand thoughts and questions. I began to panic again.

"Wait!" I cried, holding onto my shirt. Edward looked up in alarm. "We-we can't leave! We can't go. What about…about…Ch-charlie? What did you d—where—what will hap..?

I couldn't finish the questions racing through me. Panic and grief tightened my chest, and I gasped for air I did not need.

Edward stood in front of me, but did not pull me into his arms. Instead, he took my hands in his own and said, "I'm so sorry, but we don't have time for this right now. We need to get you out of here before the wolves decide to come for you. I promise I will answer all your questions in the car. I promise, Bella. Please."

I nodded tensely, clenching my teeth so hard I thought they would shatter. Jasper sent more calm towards me, suffocating me in its thickness. But I did not fight it. We needed to leave, and in order to do so, I had to stay sane.

I barely registered grabbing our things and heading down the stairs. The house was practically empty. The others rushed with us to the cars, and with swift communication, we separated into our vehicles.

Jasper slid into the front seat of Edward's Volvo, while Edward helped me into the back.

"Step on it, Jasper," Edward said unnecessarily, and we were flying past the trees, the other cars close behind us.

I immediately buried myself into Edward's embrace, feeling a strange weight on my entire body, especially my eyes. I blinked in shock.

I was _tired_. The feeling was alien to me in my vampire body, but a part of me recognized it from my time as a human. Vampires didn't get tired. I had run for miles before without needing to rest. Perhaps it was the shock, the whirlwind of heavy emotions, mood swings, and Jasper's control.

Though I was practically emotionless, painful questions still flooded my mind, and they were all I could think about. "Edward."

He sighed infinitesimally and wrapped his arm tighter around me. "This is going to be hard to hear," he started. It was hard to believe him. I couldn't feel anything, not even sickening anticipation for his next words. "Jacob is the reason why your father was there."

I waited for the shock, the betrayal, the anger, but they never came. Jasper was obviously working very hard. "Why?" I asked.

"Jacob was irrational, hurt, and angry," Edward said, his voice tense with his own anger. "He convinced himself that telling Charlie the truth about everything was the right thing to do. Fool."

I slowly processed this information. It was so strange not being able to feel. How had I been able to break out of Jasper's grip before? My reaction to Jacob's part in this should be severe enough to lose control again.

"He phased in front of Charlie and convinced him I had hoodwinked you into becoming one of us," Edward's body was stiff. "It's his fault your father was there in the first place."

His voice softened. "Your father had lost too much blood. There was nothing we could do," Edward hesitated and took a deep breath, obviously not wanting to continue. "Carlisle, Esme, and Rosalie took him and the car—"

I pulled away from his arms to stare at him in the eyes, waiting for him to continue. Something stirred in my stomach, crawling deep inside me, waiting to erupt with a roar. I wrapped my arm firmly around my waist.

"They had to make it look like an accident, Bella," he could not meet my eyes anymore. "It was simple. When you stopped the car, it made a huge dent. They made it look like he had hit a tree. Carlisle…was able to disguise the bite, so it appeared as though Charlie got in a car accident on the way home."

I stared at him, the crawling sensation growing, swelling, like a balloon filled with too much air. "An accident," I repeated dully.

"Edward," Jasper said in a low tense, voice, his golden eyes glaring through the rearview mirror. "That's enough. She's getting close to losing it again, and I'm already giving her everything I have."

"Bella," Edward said gently, pulling me onto his lap. I nestled my head onto his chest and gripped his shirt. His chin rested against the top of my head. "I know that it is impossible and unbearable, but I need you to relax. Don't think about it right now. Just breathe, love. Just breathe."

I inhaled through my nose, filling my lungs with air. The swelling in my stomach stretched against my control, threatening to explode like a bomb. I smelled the new leather of the car seats, oil and gasoline, rubber…I could smell the moisture in the air…it would rain soon…I smelled the pine trees, the firs, the damp earth…I could smell Edward's impossibly sweet scent, dominant and wonderful…

Edward hummed softly, and I sighed against his chest. My lullaby. The powerful sensations inside me receded slightly, lulled to a sleepy haze. I focused on the velvety voice of my love, gentle, familiar, and soothing. His voice, his smell, his touch was everything, my entire world.

The crawling had dissipated into a low, gentle hum, no longer threatening to burst out of me. I relaxed into his embrace and shut my eyes, so close to peace that I almost felt like I was sleeping.

A sudden, distant howl cut off the sound of my lullaby. My eyes flew open, and I dug my fingers into Edward's skin. The hair on the back of my neck stood up, and my lips instinctually curled over my sharp, glistening teeth.

Edward clutched me closer. "It's alright, Bella."

Jasper accelerated, and I heard the others following suit. I looked through the window, my sharp eyes slicing through the darkness. The freeway was all but empty, but I could see a car in the distance. I stopped breathing, terrified I would crash through the window and crash into the other vehicle.

Edward's grip tightened. "You have nothing to fear. Alice says you won't do anything, and the wolves are too far to catch up to us. We're going to be okay."

We're going to be okay, I repeated silently, burying my head against his soft shirt once more. I heard more distant howls, but Edward drowned them out, his perfect voice humming my lullaby, promising, _we're going to be okay_.

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><p>When I opened my eyes, we were still driving. I had felt almost asleep in Edward's arms, numb and comfortable, even though it was impossible. It was morning, and a thick cover of grey cloud blocked the blue sky from view.<p>

I stared blankly at the seat in front of me, gazing at the imperfections of the material. While I had lain against Edward's chest, he had told me all about our new home in Alaska.

We were heading to the small town of Cordova, which had a population of 2, 239 people. It was even smaller than Forks. It is located at the mouth of the Copper River in Alaska, within the Chugach National Forest. The forest is huge, and full of plentiful wildlife such as black bears, elk, and deer.

Like, Forks, rainfall is almost constant, and the Denali clan was only 400 miles away from Cordova. It was the perfect place for a vampire family with a newborn in tow to live.

I wondered to myself, though, if it was far enough from the Quileute wolf pack. Hadn't Jacob said before my wedding he had traveled all the way to Canada? But would Sam risk the safety of the reservation to hunt me down? Was I worth it? Would he split up the pack in order to protect their people and ensure that I was destroyed?

What if they did follow us to Alaska? What if they did tear me apart and burn the pieces? Would that be so bad? It was what I deserved. I wasn't any better than Victoria, or James, or Laurent. And no one had hesitated in tearing them apart.

I mulled over these thoughts without feeling much. Jasper was still working overtime in order to ensure that I wouldn't freak out again. I didn't fight him. It was too much work, and I didn't want to hurt Edward or anyone else.

Edward. His eyes stared at the road, though his arms were wrapped tightly around me. I saw pain in his liquid gold eyes, but I couldn't completely decipher it. Was it pity for me and what I had gone through? Was he upset that I had uprooted his family and risked war with the wolves? Was he angry at Alice, or Jacob? Was he angry at himself?

Sensing my intense gaze, he tore his eyes from the road to meet mine. "Bella," he whispered tenderly. His voice sent pleasant shudders down my spine. He lightly pressed his lips against my forehead, a ghost of a kiss. My eyes fluttered shut as his lips continued to barely brush against my eyelids, my nose, my cheeks, like the softest of winter winds.

I finally understood Edward's hesitation to turn me. He believed that he was a damned monster, and he had never wanted that life for me. He believed that he had no soul and didn't want me to be condemned. He loved me too much. But I had persisted, and he had complied. And despite all my previous beliefs, I now knew, he was right. I was a monster.

A bloodthirsty killer who was so blinded by my need, that I had murdered my own father.

I felt a familiar stirring deep in my chest, swelling and rising far more rapidly and violently than before. I shuddered with its wild, untamed power. "Jasper!" Edward barked.

"_I can't_," his voice was tense with concentration.

"Stop the car," I said, pushing myself from Edward's arms.

"Bella, we can't," Edward held my hands, trying once again, to calm me down. He stiffened, his eyes flickering towards Alice's car behind us. "The wolves might still be following us. We have to make it to Alaska first. Please, just hold on until then."

But as a newborn vampire, where my emotions ran far deeper and stronger than any human, I could not comply. "Stop the car!" I shrieked, my shrill voice echoing loudly in the confined space.

The car suddenly slammed against some unseen force, instantly crushing the front half of the vehicle and sending my body flying through the windshield. I landed on my feet, like a cat, unscathed though glass shards rained down over my body.

The crawling sensation inside of me had exploded with my outburst, leaving me once again hollow and numb. I blinked in shock at the disaster before me. It was as if we had crashed into an impenetrable wall. The car was destroyed. Edward and Jasper were already at my side.

"Your car…" I said.

"It's fine, Bella," Edward said, though his voice was tight with too many emotions to name. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," I said automatically. "I'm under control."

"Thank you, Jasper," Edward said with a sigh.

"I'm not doing anything," he replied with a voice of confusion and awe.

"What?" Edward's head snapped up to look at him.

The rest of the family had pulled over to the side of the road, and quickly gathered around us.

"What the hell was that?" asked Emmett.

"Not now, Emmett," Carlisle took charge. "Esme, get their things into the jeep. Emmett, Rosalie, take care of the car."

They moved without question, moving quickly before other cars could come by the accident.

"I'm sorry," I said, unsure what I was apologizing for.

"Shh," said Edward, his eyes focused on Jasper. "How is that possible?"

"I'm not sure," he answered, his gold eyes watching me strangely.

"Whatever it is, it can be discussed later," Carlisle said meaningfully.

"Carlisle's right," Alice said over the loud screeching and crunching of the silver Volvo that was being folded into a small block to be buried. "We shouldn't linger."

I let Edward pull me by the hand to Emmett's jeep as the others swept all signs of the crash from the road.

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><p><em>AN: Seriously, do you guys know how much your reviews mean to me? They make me feel so so so awesome, so thank you all very much!_

_This chapter was hard to write, but I did it! I think. lol. Well, readers, this is the last of the chapters I have prewritten. The rest is just blank. I have a fuzzy, flexible outline with some ideas of what is going to happen, but this means that I might not be updating as quickly. I know, it sucks. But it also means that if you have some ideas or requests, I am open to them, but don't be upset if I don't use them. :) I hope you enjoyed this chapter__ and let me know what you thought_.


	9. Chapter 9: Alaska

_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight_

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><p><strong>Chapter Nine: Alaska<strong>

"This is it," Edward said, glancing at me as we turned onto a back road. The Cullens had purchased a home way on the outskirts of the town, deep in the forest. I sat up and peered out the window as we pulled into the drive.

It was beautiful, just as beautiful as their house in Forks, though it was very different. It was a magnificent mansion pretending to be a log cabin.

The house was nestled in the side of a rocky hill, surrounded by trees. The walkway to the front of the house turned into a small, narrow bridge that ran over the small creek gliding below the house.

The roof of the two story cabin-like house was slanted, and like their old home in Forks, there were many huge windows that replace some of the walls, making it open and free, but cozy at the same time.

"It's beautiful," I said quietly.

I left the car and walked slowly across the little wooden bridge. I took a deep breath through my nose. I smelled the old wood, the pine trees, the water, the soft earth. It smelled like home. I wandered through the beautiful house, eventually making my way upstairs.

I paused at the room in the corner of the house. The roof was slanted, just like my old room at home. The windows were tall and wide, and I had a beautiful view of the trees and the sloping hill. I laid down in the middle of the room and stared up at the ceiling, memorizing each grain of wood.

My eyes burned with nonexistent tears and my fingers grasped at the wood floor, looking for a firm hold that would keep me anchored. They found none, and the world began to spin around me, sucking me into the past. A rumbling moan built in my chest, and I bit my lip to hold it at bay.

Golden eyes filled my vision, and I seized his shirt, pulling him down on top of me. I ran my hands all over him, then wrapped my arms around him, holding him as tightly to me as I could.

I kissed him urgently. "Make me forget," I moaned desperately between kisses. "Edward, make me forget."

I wrapped my legs around his waist. Edward stood, then, with his arms tightly around me, ran as fast as he could from the house, me hanging on desperately. We fell onto the earth, and began kissing and touching and writhing.

I shut my eyes, but memories flashed behind my closed lids, and I opened them with a gasp. "Look at me," I said desperately. His golden eyes bore into mine, and I lost myself in their amber depths. We moved as one, pleasure overriding pain, our physical touches serving as my anchor and driving away the past.

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><p><strong>Jasper's POV<strong>

Pain. Suffering. Grief. Self loathing. Uncertainty. Agony. Concern. Worry. Pity. Anger. Guilt. Sympathy. Sadness. This was just a taste of what I had to endure in the living room of our new residence in Cordova. Emotions ran wild, a thick inescapable cloud that threatened to drown me in its black depths.

Deep breaths. In, and out. I was almost trembling with the weight of emotions that didn't belong to me. They made me want to fall to my knees and scream in agony, to run away and never return, to bury myself in a hole so deep I could never escape again.

I struggled to retain some measure of calm on my face, carefully turning to stone. I focused on that deep inner calm in my core that I had come to rely on. It pulsed softly inside me, as comforting as a beating heart. Reaching its serene glow, I pulled it out from myself, sending gentle waves of calm towards every member of my family, but the majority of my efforts were focused on the ravaged newborn that rested her head on Esme's lap.

I clenched my teeth at the fierce struggle to remove as much emotion from Bella as possible, replacing it with dull numbness. I had been at it ever since that fateful moment when she had killed her father.

A roar of anger built up inside me, and I was only just able to control it. I needed to focus my energy on Bella, no matter how painful it was.

Esme gently ran her hand through Bella's long, brown hair, twirling the tendrils around her fingers with the comforting touch of a mother. Alice sat cross legged on the floor in front of them, idly flipping through a fashion magazine that lay spread open over her legs. One hand was stretched above her and intertwined with Bella's.

A bolt of nerves shuddered through me at the proximity of my mate to the wild newborn. I closed my lips tightly to contain my hiss. Hissing would do nothing to improve Bella's fragile state.

Edward moved from his post at the bottom of the stairs and approached Bella. He knelt close to her head and cupped her cheek. I stiffened, wary of what Edward was about to do and how it would affect Bella.

Alice sucked in a breath, and I felt her panic as she hissed. "Edward, don't!"

Edward hesitated and looked at Alice, no doubt seeing the vision she just had. Bella looked up at him with dull bemusement. Edward sighed heavily, and I winced at his helplessness, his pain, his confusion.

"It's necessary, Alice," he murmured, his eyes dark and haunted.

"And you saw what would happen if you decide to continue," Alice said carefully, meaningfully. "Not now."

My brow furrowed, unable to decipher the meaning behind their cryptic comments, other than the fact that whatever Edward had been about to say would cause a horrible reaction in Bella.

Edward ran his hand through his hair in frustration, making him look unhinged. Worried he would not heed Alice's warning, I growled, "Edward."

"What is it?" Bella asked.

We all cringed at her lifeless tone. A swelling of sympathy and confusion swept the room, and like the others, I looked to Alice.

It was Edward who spoke. "It's nothing Bella," he kissed her cheek tenderly. "It can wait."

Bella nodded and went back to examining the carpet. Where was the stubborn girl who hated to be kept in the dark? Where was the fiery glare, the demand to be included as an equal, the continuing questions? Where was the Bella we knew and love?

She was buried beneath the weight of what she had done. Bella was drowning, and I was barely keeping her head above water.

The phone rang, its shrill sound cutting through the pained silence of the house. Edward looked at his phone and shared a look with Alice, who froze for a moment, then shook her head slightly. If Bella noticed this, she did not show it. She was a marble statue, lying on the ivory couch with her head on Esme's lap.

I felt the suffering crashing through Edward, mixed with panic and helplessness. For a second I nearly lost myself in his fear and pain before I forced myself back to normal.

"Edward, go," I grit out.

He shook his head, unwilling to leave Bella's side. "You're not helping," I whispered as loudly as I dared. "You lose it, then I lose it, and then she will. Is that what you want? Now go."

Edward met my eyes, and I saw his pain as strongly as I felt it.

Bella was drowning. He was burning.

He raced out of the house.

Bella sat up, her fast movement startling me. I darted forward, yanking Alice to her feet and pulling her behind me. Bella cringed, but did not react to my defensive crouch. Alice scoffed. "She wasn't going to do anything, Jasper," she scolded and moved to Bella's side.

"What is it, sweetie?" my mate asked her tenderly, taking her hand.

I fought the urge to grab Alice again as Bella spoke. I felt Bella's rising anxiety and focused all of my attention on keeping her calm.

"Edward, where's he going?" her voice was laced with panic.

"He just needed to-" Esme started.

"Run," Alice finished, briefly glancing at Esme. "Jasper needed a break, and Edward needed some air. He'll be back soon. Don't worry."

Bella bit her lip, her pale fingers twitching in anxiety. I focused all my energy on her, but wherever her thoughts were taking her was making her emotions run wild.

"Hey, Bella," Emmett entered the room, an affectionate, but hesitant smile on his lips. "I have an idea."

I tensed. Emmett was not known for thinking things through, or for having couth in precarious situations. Alice's eyes lost focus, then she smiled, relieved. "That's perfect, Emmett."

Emmett brightened then held out his hand to Bella. She eyed him warily. "C'mon. I have something that I think will do you some good. It always helps me, anyways."

"I don't know," Bella said, her anxiety decreasing as her curiosity and confusion swelled.

"You should go, Bella," Alice assured her. "Esme and I will go too. This is just what you need, I promise. You'll thank Emmett later."

Bella nodded hesitantly and put her hand into Emmett's. I welcomed the bright excitement that Emmett emanated.

Esme followed them out the back door while Alice kissed me on the cheek. "I should go, too," I made to go with them.

"No, everything will be fine," she placed a hand on my chest. "Carlisle's home, and soon Edward will be too. You three need to talk. We'll take care of her, Jazz."

"Make sure you take care of yourself," I murmured as she dashed out the door to the others. I wasn't sure what they were doing, but if Alice said it would help her, I was all for it.

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><p><strong>Later…<strong>

"Edward, we need to talk," Carlisle said seriously.

"Not now," Edward moved towards the door. "I should be out there with Bella. She might need me."

"Bella will be fine," I reminded him, trying but failing to soothe his anxiety. "Alice saw it."

"Bella is a newborn," he replied tersely. "That means at any time something could set her off and she could attack Emmett, or run off, or do something reckless. Alice can't see everything."

"We are aware of this, Edward," Carlisle answered. "But we have taken precautions. Alice, Esme, and Emmett should be able to handle Bella fine. We need to talk about some things while she is gone. I don't think hearing this conversation would be very…beneficial to her recovery."

Edward sighed heavily, and I felt worry and defeat emanate from his still form. "I know," he whispered.

"The first thing we need to discuss is Bella's mother," Carlisle started.

"I believe that the best course of action would be to stage another accident," I said immediately. "Renee and the others think that Edward and Bella are beginning to settle in Dartmouth. A few of us can go there and take care of it."

"We can't do that," Edward disagreed, his eyes narrowed at me. "Charlie just died. We can't pretend that Bella is dead too. It would kill Renee, and Bella would never agree to it."

"She doesn't have to know."

Indignant fury licked against my skin, but I refused to flinch. Edward rose, his hands in fists. "We are not leaving Bella out of this decision. I understand that she is unstable right now, and that it was important to discuss this first without her, but she will never forgive us if we do this without her permission."

"It is as you said, Edward," I replied steadily. "Bella is unstable, and is clearly unfit to make any kind of rational decision right now, especially concerning family. It is better that we break all ties to her former life, now that her father is dead. There are too many uncertain factors here."

Edward growled and stepped forward, but Carlisle had already stepped in between us, his eyes stern. "Calm down, Edward."

"You agree with him?" Edward's eyes shot to Carlisle's in disbelief.

Carlisle sighed. "Edward-"

"No," he shook his head vehemently. "Do you understand what this will do to Bella? She is being crushed by guilt because of what happened, you know that Jasper. How do you think she will feel if she finds out her mother thinks she's dead too? Or that Renee is now not only mourning the death of her ex husband, but her only child as well?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but Edward knew my thoughts and continued. "I'm not finished yet! We have failed Bella too many times to count. We are at fault for what happened to Charlie Swan, not her. We will find another way. We will not fail her again."

I sensed the resignation within Carlisle at Edward's words and scowled. He looked at me. "He's right, Jasper."

"Then what do you suggest?" I turned to look at my brother. "We can't exactly have Bella going back to Forks. Will you have her call her mother and tell her that she is too busy to go to her own father's funeral?"

Edward ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. I continued, seeing that he had no better option. "Or perhaps you and Bella will simply go missing, and Renee will never get closure over what happened to her daughter? This is the only way, Edward."

"Bella will call Renee," Edward said slowly, then hurried on as he heard my thoughts screaming at him. "No, listen. She will convince her mother that she caught something from her time on the island, and that after a few weeks, was forced to seek medical treatment somewhere far away, Switzerland perhaps. That way Renee will be appeased, Bella can be comforted by her mother, and she will have an excuse as to why she can't go to the funeral."

I looked at him, skeptical, but Carlisle was already nodding. "That might work," he said thoughtfully. "We will have to speak with Bella of course, and hope that she can play her part. A lot will depend on her."

I said nothing, not pleased with the decision. I knew Edward could hear my displeasure, but he said nothing, simply relieved that he had come up with a different solution.

"There's one more thing I would like to discuss," Carlisle said solemnly. "Which is what happened on the way here."

Edward stiffened, as did I. The accident on the road was one of the strangest things I had ever witnessed, and I had seen a lot in my time as a vampire. Just as Bella had been on the verge of losing control and fleeing, the car slammed into something. My vampiric eyes could not see anything in front of us to suggest we had actually hit something, but the results were apparent. Whatever it was, it had stopped the vehicle in its tracks just as Bella had shouted, "Stop the car!". I did not believe it was a coincidence.

"You think it was Bella," Edward stated, glancing at first me, then Carlisle.

"And you don't?" Carlisle questioned.

"I don't know," Edward said slowly, hesitant.

"I must admit I am not completely surprised," Carlisle said, leaning against his desk. "Bella has shown great potential as a human, with you and others unable to touch her mind with your gifts. She was somehow blocking you, as if there was a shield protecting her. I believe that what we witnessed was a physical manifestation of that shield in a reaction to her escalating emotions."

"I agree," I nodded. "It makes perfect sense."

I wasn't shocked to learn that Bella's mind was still silent to Edward as a vampire, but her display of power yesterday was astounding to say the least. I believed that this was her gift, and since it was untrained and coincided with emotional outbursts, it seemed to be a very unpredictable and possibly dangerous one.

Edward sighed, and I saw that he too, agreed with us, though he was less impressed and more worried. "What if you're right? Bella can't handle this right now. She's going through so much, and she's a newborn, which makes everything that much worse. To add a gift on top of all that…she couldn't handle it."

"I think you should have more faith in her," Carlisle said. "She is stronger than you give her credit for. We won't speak of her gift for now and let her grieve and deal with her pain. We will have to tell her about her mother, though, as we need her full cooperation as soon as possible."

Edward nodded, looking and feeling miserable. Deep sympathy rose up for my brother. I knew he hated himself for bringing this life upon Bella, and felt mostly responsible for Charlie Swan's death and Bella's current state, though he held a good amount of blame for Jacob Black.

He bristled, looking away from me. "I will speak with her tonight," Edward said and escaped the room as fast as he could.

Carlisle sat down in his chair, looking weary. His myriad of emotions were organized chaos. He was concerned for Edward, and Bella, for the entire family, really. He too, blamed himself for what happened in Forks, and felt responsible for the current and future welfare of us all. He was exhausted, rare for vampires, but knew he had to be strong for all of us.

I gathered up what peace I had and let it soothe over him, allowing him a brief reprieve from his pain. Carlisle offered a small smile, then his eyes turned with worry.

"I know this must be incredibly difficult for you, son," he said softly. "How are you doing?"

"I can manage," I replied. "Don't worry about me, Carlisle. It's nothing I can't handle."

I was suffering more than I let on, and was grateful to Edward for keeping silent. I didn't want Carlisle to put my pain on his shoulders too.

My thoughts drifted to the hour before this, where Alice had silenced both Edward and Esme. What had they been about to say? What would they have done to set Bella off? What were they doing now, that was supposedly beneficial to Bella?

There were too many questions, too much uncertainty, too much pain. Thunder rumbled in the sky, as it had been doing for several hours now, and I heard the pitter patter of rain drops pelting the roof. The sound was soothing, and I closed my eyes and sighed, relaxing and enjoying the small reprieve away from the others before they returned.

I decided to go to the garage where Rosalie had locked herself in since arriving. I heard the mechanical clanks as she worked, and I sensed mostly concentration on her part. She refused to get caught up in the emotional whirlwind and was a welcome distraction.

She didn't look up at me as I entered and perched myself on the counter. I was exhausted, and strained, and I would rest until the rest of my family came home.

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><p><em>Author's Note: Hi guys! Thank you so so much for your patience! This chapter was very hard to write, and was the first chapter I've really had to write from scratch since posting this story. But thank you for your amazing reviews and patience. What did you think of Jasper's point of view? This story is predominantly Bella's POV, but once in a while i like to get a fresh perspective, and I thought Jasper would be an interesting character to explore during this emotional time for the Cullens. Next chapter will be back to Bella's point of view. <em>

_So, what was Edward going to say to Bella that made Alice intervene? What was Emmett's brilliant idea and how did Bella react? What will happen next for the Cullens? _

_Please review and let me know what you guys think. It's really the reviews that keep me writing, and writing faster. Thanks, guys!_

_Queen_


	10. Chapter 10: Release

_AN: Hello again readers! This chapter is full of angst, and I'm guessing some of you are getting sick of the angst, but I mean, if you killed your father and were forced out of your home, your life would be pretty angsty too, wouldn't it? Next chapter should have some more lightness in it. ENjoy!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight_

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><p><strong>Chapter Ten: Release<strong>

The farther I moved away from Jasper, the more I was able to feel the dark emotions that lurked under the surface of his control. So as I ran with Esme, Emmett, and Alice, I focused on all the details around me; the soft, cool moisture of the soil underneath my bare feet, the damp breeze that tasted of the coming rain, the glistening pine needles, the rough grooves of the bark, the greener than green ferns that littered the ground…it was beautiful, different than the forests around Forks, but beautiful.

I did not know what to expect from Emmett's "brilliant idea", and I was nervous at what he thought would help me. I scoffed inwardly. I was beyond help.

"Here we are," Emmett said with satisfaction, a broad smile on his face. My lips twitched in response to his childlike joy.

I looked around. We were very deep in the forest where no hikers would ever venture. There was nothing spectacular about this place. There were many large boulders that ranged in size, and huge, thick trees.

I stared at him blankly, wishing I was curled up in my bed, where I did not have to pretend to feel anything other than grief. "Now what?" I asked dully.

Emmett looked at me like was I was stupid. "We hit things."

"We hit things," I repeated skeptically. "That's why you brought me out here?"

He rolled his eyes. "Look, whenever Rose and I get in a fight, or I'm feeling upset, I vent. It works, trust me."

I sighed deeply. "I appreciate the effort, Emmett, but-"

"Hit the rock, Bella," he said sternly.

"Emmett-"

"Hit the damn rock, Bella," he repeated.

I bristled in annoyance, just wanting to be left alone. "No."

Emmett flashed in front of me and gave me a gentle shove, which knocked me back a couple feet. I hissed. "Hit the rock, Bella," he said, moving towards me again.

My eyes flickered to Esme, who looked worried, and Alice, who looked calm, and neither of which were doing anything to stop Emmett.

"Leave me alone, Emmett!" I growled.

"I will as soon as you hit the rock!"

With a frustrated roar, I swiped my hand at the large boulder, pretending it was Emmett's annoying face looking back at me. It immediately split in half with a large crack, the top half sliding noisily to the earth. I felt a surge of satisfaction under my anger and annoyance, and hit it again, this time with a fist.

The boulder shattered, and chunks of rock thudded onto the ground. It wasn't enough. I sprang to the largest of the rocky structures and threw all of my weight into my punch. _Crack!_ Another boulder down. I crunched another piece in my fist, and gray powder slipped through my fingers.

Again and again I punched and kicked at the boulders, most of which were larger than I was, pouring all of my aggression, anger, guilt, and pain into each hit. A consistent, rumbling growl rolled in my chest as I destroyed the rocks. I slammed my fist through the stone over and over again.

_Crack!_

Charlie hanging up his gun belt, sniffing appreciatively at the aromas coming from the kitchen.

_Crack!_

Charlie's eyes glistening with tears, his arm strongly gripping mine as he walked me down the aisle.

_Crack!_

Charlie giving me an awkward, but sincere hug as he told me goodbye.

_Crack!_

Charlie looking at me, his brown eyes wide with surprise and shock as I eagerly reached for him to drain him dry.

_Crack!_

Charlie slipping from my arms, his face pale and his eyes sad as I was dragged away.

_CRACK!_

I fell to my knees, breathing heavily though I was not tired, and surveyed the damage around me. The area which had once been littered with towering rocky structures was chaos. Chunks of rocks lay scattered across the dirt, mixed with a fine gray and white powder. It looked as if a bomb had gone off.

Something wet fell onto my cheek. Surprised, I lifted my finger to my face and pulled my hand back to see water glistening on my fingertip. I looked up at the sky, darkened with gray, rolling clouds.

I breathed deeply, tasting the moisture in the air. I watched through the smeared contours of the clouds as another glistening drop of water fell in slow motion, landing in the open palm of my hand with the tiniest of splashes.

There was a roll of thunder that made the sky shudder, and more raindrops began their slow descent from the clouds. My eyes remained open as I gazed upwards. It began to rain in earnest.

Drops of water hit my open eyes like soothing caresses, filling them until they rolled over my eyelashes and slipped down my pale cheeks. It felt like I was crying. I stood slowly, keeping my face raised to the sky.

A broken sob slipped from my lips, and I began to weep. I cried for the people of Forks, who had lost a great chief of police and dear friend. I cried for my mother, who would grieve over her former husband's death and her daughter's disappearance. I cried for my new family, uprooted and hunted because of me. I cried for myself, knowing I would live with this pain every day and night for the rest of my existence. But mostly I cried for Charlie, who would never take another breath, never laugh or cry, never go fishing with his friends or out to eat to his favorite diner, whose life had been taken forcibly from him by his own child.

I sobbed as I looked up at the swirls of gray above me, pretending that the water spilling from my eyes were tears. My hair and clothes were soaked, laying flat across my skin, but it was not uncomfortable.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered to the sky through my broken sobs. "I'm _so sorry_."

I collapsed to my knees and put my face in my hands, my dark hair forming a damp curtain around me. Huge, strong arms wrapped gently around me, and I clung to Emmett's wet shirt as I cried. He held me close and kissed the top of my head.

Emmett said nothing. He didn't have to. He just cradled me in his arms and let me cry, offering comfort the only way he knew how.

I walked at a human's pace alongside Emmett, whose large arm was slung over my shoulders and holding me close to his side.

Though my heart was still weighed down with grief and guilt, I felt lighter than I had in days; not happy, not yet, but no longer drowning in my pain.

"Thank you, Emmett," I said as we approached the house, Alice and Esme already at the door.

He grinned. "No problem, little sis," he said. "It's what I'm here for."

The front door opened with a flash, and Edward raced towards me. Emmett removed his arm as my husband pulled me into a tentative, gentle embrace. "Bella," he murmured, his voice thick with emotion.

I shut my eyes and relaxed into his arms. I breathed in his sweet scent, pretending briefly that nothing had happened, that we were married and in love and nothing else mattered. My illusion lasted less than a second.

"Bella, we need to talk," he murmured against my hair, his voice resigned and solemn.

I pulled back from him, my eyes wide. What else could go wrong?

"First," he rubbed his thumb against my jaw and trailed his fingers down my throat. "You need to hunt."

My desperate thirst, which I had barely been able to ignore since we had arrived, returned with a vengeance, consuming me in its unbearable heat. Venom pooled in my mouth, and my throat turned into a rough, dry furnace in desperate need of blood.

I jerked away from his touch and wrapped my hand around my throat so hard, I broke through my skin. I needed blood, needed it so desperately I would do anything, anything to get some. I couldn't swallow, just whimpered in pain and need. My breaths were fast and shallow, and I couldn't get a grip on reality. My eyes would not focus, and my senses were focused solely on my one desperate need: to hunt.

With all of these sensations came the red tinged memory of my first taste of human blood. I swallowed my mouthful of burning venom as my tongue recalled the sweet flavors of my father's blood. Nothing else could compare. Nothing else could ever quench my thirst like his blood could. I needed it, and I wanted it more than anything else in the world.

Suddenly disgusted and horrified with myself, I whined through clenched teeth. I was recalling the taste of Charlie's blood, and in that moment, I knew, if he were alive and in front of me, I would kill him again. I choked at the thought, the tentative peace I had found in the forest shattered.

"Bella! Bella!" shouts were coming through the roar in my ears. I blinked as everything came into focus. Edward stood before his hands gripping my elbows, holding me up.

"Come, Bella," he said urgently, his eyes pained. "Don't worry, we'll get you blood now. Let's go."

I yanked my arms free. "No," I gasped.

Alice came flying out of the house, followed quickly by Jasper and Carlisle. Alice's eyes were blazing. "Edward Cullen!" she hissed. "I told you to wait! She's not ready!"

Jasper's face was pained, and his own hand was on his throat. I couldn't tell if he was using his powers to try and soothe me, because I did not feel a thing.

"She needs to hunt, Alice," Edward replied firmly. "It's been too long. She's a newborn, and she needs to feed."

"No!" I cried, gripping my flaming throat with both hands. "I won't! I can't!"

Edward's eyes softened with understanding. "I know it's hard, Bella, but you-"

"Enough, Edward," Carlisle interrupted. "Leave her be for now."

"That isn't a good idea," Jasper argued, and I glared at his betrayal. He alone knew exactly what I was feeling, and he still wanted to push me. "The longer she abstains from blood, the more crazed and wild she will get. She's already unstable enough."

I swallowed hard, trying to push the burn away. I wished they would stop talking about blood. It was making the pain worse. I held my breath and turned to run. A small hand slipped into mine, and I looked up sharply at Alice.

Her eyes were full of compassion, and with a small squeeze of my hand, began to run. I easily fell into step beside her, and hand in hand we fled through the forest. The air was thick with moisture from the rain, and I breathed it in deeply, inhaling distracting scents so I could push the burn away.

Alice pulled me gently alongside her until we had run a full circle back to the house. My head was clearer, and the burn was bearable. I smiled softly at her in thanks.

"Come on," she said. "Edward still needs to talk to you."

I stiffened, but she continued on. "Not about that. He won't bring it up again. There's something else he wanted to speak with you about."

Edward was sitting on our bed, elbows on his knees, looking absolutely miserable. His eyes flashed up to mine, and I winced at the pain I saw there. His lips parted, and I knew he was about to apologize, so I rushed to his side and captured them into a gentle kiss.

He smiled sadly as sat beside him. Then his expression sobered. "Bella, this isn't going to be easy to talk about, but it is important that we act as soon as possible."

I waited, still as a statue for him to speak.

"We have a plan," he spoke slowly, carefully. "But unfortunately, you must be involved for it to work. It's about your mother."

I inhaled sharply. Oh god, how had I forgotten about Renee? She must be falling to pieces right now! She was alone, and Charlie was dead, and it was my fault, and she must be frantic with worry about me, and what was I going to do?

"Bella, breathe, darling," Edward said gently, uncurling my fingers and holding them trapped between his strong hands. "Renee is worried about you and has been trying to call, but she is doing as well as can be expected. Alice says Phil is taking good care of her, and she is coping. The hardest thing she is dealing with right now is not knowing where you are or how to reach you or if you know about Charlie or not. But we have a plan that can fix this."

"A plan?" I echoed, my mind racing.

"Yes," Edward nodded. "We've figured out a way to reassure your mother while giving you a valid alibi for not being able to return to Forks."

I listened attentively as Edward described how I was terribly sick, some tropical disease I had picked up, and we had left Forks a week before Charlie's accident. I had not yet been informed of his death, as I have been very ill and hardly coherent. We were currently at a medical center in Switzerland that specialized in my sickness, so I couldn't go to the funeral.

I was to call Renee and tell her all of this.

The question was, could I do it? Could I handle it? I'd have to be convincing and try to make my voice sound like the old me. I'd have to sound sick, to sound surprised that my dad was dead, and ease Renee's fears enough so that she wouldn't fly to Switzerland after the funeral.

Would I be able to lie to her while I pretended I wasn't at fault?

Determination rose up inside me. It did not matter that I was grieving, or that I was in pain. This was my fault. My mother's pain was my fault, and I would have to be strong for her, strong enough to comfort and reassure her in one phone call. There was no other option. I would do this, I would be strong, for her.

I looked at Edward and held out my hand for his phone. "I'm ready."

"Are you sure?" he asked, his eyes searching my face.

I nodded stonily, wanting to do this before my courage disappeared and I changed my mind. Edward slipped the cell phone into my palm, and my fingers carefully flipped it open, dialed, and placed it to my ear. Edward moved so that he was behind me, his strong chest against my back, his arms curled around my body, anchoring me and sending me his strength.

"You can do this, Bella."

Ring. Ring.

"Hello?"

I closed my eyes tightly. Renee's normally carefree, warm voice, sounded dead and exhausted, a mockery of her former joy.

"Hello?"

My lips parted, but no sound came out. There was a heavy sigh, and before she could hang up, I spoke.

"Mom?"

My nerves and my grief made my voice sound deeper, huskier, much more like my human voice.

Silence, then, "_Bella."_ So much emotion was placed in that one word. Relief, heartbreak, and love poured out in her utterance of my name.

"Mom?" I tried to sound confused as she burst into tears. "Mom, what's going on? Are you okay?"

"Oh baby, where are you?" she asked through her tears, clearing her throat and trying to get back in control. "I've been calling for ages, and no one was answering my calls!"

"I'm so sorry," I said, and I meant it. "Look, Edward and I aren't in Dartmouth. We-we're in Switzerland."

"You're what?"

"Switzerland," I took a shuddering breath, and Edward rubbed my arm gently. "I think I picked up something on our honeymoon, and I'm pretty sick. I'm-I'm okay, but it's kind of a rare thing, and there's a medical center here that specializes in rare diseases, and they're taking care of me. It's been pretty crazy, and the reception isn't great."

"Bella, why didn't you tell me?" Renee's voice was frantic. "Are you alright? I'll get a ticket there as soon as I can-"

"Mom, no," I said, my stomach tightening. "Really, I'm okay. It's nothing life threatening, but I'm going to be here for awhile for treatment. Edward and his family are here taking care of me. You stay in Florida with Phil."

I heard her breath shaking. "Bella, baby, i- maybe I should call you later, when you aren't so sick."

No! She couldn't hang up and put this off. If I didn't get this all over with now, I would never be able to speak to her again.

"Mom, what is it? I know something's up. I can tell. Are you okay?" I asked, my lips quivering. I didn't want to do this.

"It's fine, sweetie, i-"

"If you don't tell me now, I'm going to worry about you," I interjected, hating myself for guilt-tripping her like this.

A heavy sigh. "Bella, have you h-heard anything from Forks?" her voice was thick with tears, and my own eyes burned in response.

"No," I lied. Gripping Edward's thigh with my free hand. "I didn't want D-dad to find out I was sick."

"Honey, this-this isn't going to be easy to hear, but you need t-to know," Renee choked out. "There's been an accident."

"Oh god, mom, are you okay? Is it Phil? Jacob?" I cringed. I was never a good actress as a human. But as a vampire, my voice had the perfect amount of naivety, of fear, that sounded so convincing, I almost believed myself. This was it. This was where I really had to pull it off, to protect Renee, to protect my family.

"We're okay, hon," Renee said shakily. "It's…it's Charlie."

I hesitated and squeezed Edward's thigh harder. "Is-is he okay?"

Renee sobbed. "Bella, baby, he didn't make it."

"What?"

"H-he got in an accident on the way home from the station," Renee said through her tears. "By the time the medics got there, it, it was too late. He's gone, sweetie."

Denial. "What? No, no! He, he's fine, he has to be fine! What are you talking about?"

Renee was crying in earnest. "I'm so sorry, Bella. There was nothing they could do. He had lost too much blood. Oh, Bella."

Guilt. "No! Oh god, I should have been there! If I hadn't have left so soon, I could have gotten to him in time. I could have saved him!"

"No, no Bella! There was nothing anyone could have done. Even if you had been in Forks, you couldn't have saved him. It's not your fault, do you hear me, it's not your fault!"

Anger. "He can't just be gone! Why did this happen? Why did this have to happen?"

"I know it's hard, sweetie. It's not fair, I know it's not fair. God, I'm sorry, baby girl. I'm so sorry."

Pain. I broke out into sobs, but this time I wasn't pretending. "Mom."

"Oh Bella, I'm so so sorry!" she sobbed with me. "Shh, shh, it's going to be okay."

For several moments all I can do is cry with my mother, unable to do or say anything else as I grieved for my father.

Acceptance. "He's really gone." I sniff.

Renee's voice was thick and scratchy. "I'm so sorry I'm not there with you, that I had to tell you over the phone. I should be there for you."

"No, mom, it's, it's not your fault," I take a few shuddering breaths. "Where are you?"

"I'm in Forks, with Phil," I could hear her wiping her face with a tissue. "We're, h-helping arrange the funeral."

I let out another sob. "I'm not going to be able to make it, mom," my voice is thick with guilt and pain.

"Oh sweetie, don't you worry about a thing! You're sick, you stay there with Edward. I'll take care of everything, I promise. Ch-charlie would want you to get better, not fly across the world to go to a memorial service. Think how cross he would be with you."

I laugh weakly through my sobs. "Are-are you going to be okay, mom?"

"Don't you dare worry about me, Isabella," she said sternly after she blew her nose. "Phil's here, and I'm going to be fine. After things are d-done here, I'm going to come out there to be with you."

Edward squeezed my arm. "I don't think that's a good idea, mom," I said, closing my eyes tightly. "It's very expensive, and I know you are probably spending a lot on your trip to Forks and Dad's f-funeral. And I'll be okay. Edward's family is here. I'll be okay."

"Are you sure, Bella?" she asked, her voice thick with tears again.

"I'll be okay," I repeated.

There was a moment of silence, and I heard Phil calling to her in the background.

"I've gotta go, sweetie," Renee said regretfully. "Are you sure you're going to be okay?"

"Yes, mom."

"I love you, Bella, more than anything."

"I love you too mom, so so much," I whispered. "I don't know when I can call you again, bad reception and all that, but don't worry about me, okay? Take care of yourself, promise me?"

"I promise Bella, you take care of yourself too."

"I will. Bye mom."

"Goodbye, sweetheart."

I closed the phone with a loud snap. I turned my head to the doorway. Esme had entered during some point in the conversation with my mom. Her eyes were full of sadness and deep love.

As if sensing what I needed, she came to my side and pulled me into her arms. She rocked me back and forth, murmuring words of comfort. I clutched her tightly, closing my eyes and imagining it was Renee that I was hugging, that I was comforting her instead of being comforted.

It was too much. I had no more to give. So I quite pretending, and let myself be in the moment, wrapped in Esme's motherly embrace and crying with her. I took a breath and let myself be comforted.

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><p><em>Well, what did you think? You know how much i live on reviews, and I can't wait to hear what you guys think! I'll update as soon as I can!<em>


	11. Chapter 11: Live

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight. _

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><p><strong>Chapter Eleven: Live<strong>

I leaned against the doorway, my arms wrapped tightly around my torso. Edward sat at his piano, his back to me. He slowly raised his hands until his fingertips were poised over the black and ivory keys. With a deep breath through his nose, he gently pressed down, releasing a sweet, mournful chord into the air.

His fingers began to dance and move across the piano's keys with grace and eloquence. The sound was haunting and beautiful; each note, each chord was heavy with the depth of emotion that they carried.

There was no other way to put it but this; the music was me. The mournful melody echoed my pain, my grief, my guilt. But then there was more. The grief was not just mine, it was another's. I could see it in the tightness of his shoulders, the bowing of his neck, and as I moved around the piano, I could see it in the frown on his lips, the crinkling of his brow, the darkness of his eyes.

The music trailed off into one last solemn chord, and then his hands were still. I moved until I stood beside him. He leaned his head until it rested on my stomach and his arms wrapped around my legs. I wove my fingers through his copper colored hair.

"Bella," he whispered as the music faded completely.

Edward released his grip on me and looked up. My hands trailed down his face to cup his cheeks. He rested his hands on top of mine. His lips quivered, and when he spoke, his voice was strained. "Bella, you must hunt."

I jerked away from him as the agonizing burn crashed down upon me. I shook with the effort to remain still, and I glared at him in betrayal. "_No_," I hissed through clenched teeth.

Edward rose from the piano bench, determined and desperate. "You must," he insisted.

"Leave me alone!" I hissed at him, moving away when he came closer. My eyes burned with my throat, and I panted with the effort to control myself and ignore the thirst.

"You need blood, Bella," Edward continued despite my warnings. "If you think you are out of control now, imagine what you will be like after weeks of refusing to feed. You'll be just like those newborns we faced months ago. If you think you are in pain now, imagine how awful the burn will be, how desperate your need will be if you keep torturing yourself like this!"

His words hit the logical part of me. Everything he said made sense. But the logical part of me wasn't in control right now. "Stop it!"

"No, I can't do that, Bella," his voice rose in pitch. He was much too close. "I will not stand by and watch you starve! Charlie wouldn't want you to-"

With a feral snarl louder and more violent than I had ever managed before, I shoved Edward with all of my strength. His body slammed into his grand piano, which splintered and shattered upon impact. A chord more horrible and more grating than I had ever heard before rang in the air. Ivory keys flew into the air and landed with small plunks onto the hardwood floor.

I leapt upon Edward, pinning him to the wreckage of his piano with another snarl. "How_ dare_ you? How dare you say what Charlie would want! You don't know a thing about what he would want!

"But I do, Edward! I'll tell you what he wanted! Charlie wanted to live a long, happy, simple life. He wanted to eat at the diner every Tuesday and Thursday! He wanted to watch the games on T.V. with Billy while they drank beer. He wanted to go to work at the station, to protect the town that he loved! He wanted to go fishing with his friends! He wanted to die in his sleep as an old man, knowing his daughter was happy and taken care of. He wanted to _live_.

But he doesn't get to do any of that anymore, and you know why? Because I _killed_ him, Edward! His own child murdered him and took all of that away! I-I killed him, and now _he's gone_."

My body trembled over his, and Edward's pained face stared back up at me. "Can't you understand?" I whispered, my fury gone as suddenly as it came. "Can't you see why I can't, _can't_ hunt? How can I survive knowing that he can't, because of me? How can I drink blood when every drop will be another reminder of how much I _enjoyed_ his? How can I live, when he's dead?"

"Oh, Bella," his voice broke as he rose up and cradled me against him. "Bella, I'm so sorry."

I clutched him tightly, trembling violently.

"I'm so sorry I failed you," he whispered, and I stiffened in his arms. "None of this wouldn't have happened if I had been paying attention, if I had been searching for the signs. I could have spared you this pain. If I hadn't have been so selfish in the first place, none of this would have happened."

"No!" I choked, pulling back to stare at him. "It's not-how can you-don't you dare blame this on yourself! It's no one's fault but mine-"

"That's not true," he interrupted fiercely. "None of this is your fault. You were a newborn. We should have been watching better. We hold some blame for not taking care of you. But we both know who really killed your father that day, Bella. And don't you dare take _his_ faults upon yourself."

Edward's expression changed swiftly from anger to pleading. "You have to see that you aren't to blame, Bella. You have to go on, you have to survive, you have to feed."

I opened my mouth to speak, but his desperate voice cut me off. "Stop punishing yourself for something that was not your fault. Stop hating yourself for something that was out of your control. You have to_ live_, Bella. You have to live! If you can't go on for Charlie, live for me."

Edward's eyes were crazed and full of pain. "I can't do this without you, and you know that. I know that I am more selfish than any other being on this earth, and that it is wrong to blackmail and guilt you into feeding so I can keep you, but I have no choice! I can't live in a world without you, Bella. So don't do this. Please, love, if nothing else, live for me. _Live for me_," Edward dissolved into sobs as he held me tighter against him.

"Oh, Edward," I said, my voice tight with tears. He was right in so many ways. Charlie wouldn't want me to starve myself because he was no longer alive. And I couldn't do this to Edward, my mate, my life.

I looked at this man suffering because I suffered, and my dead heart swelled with love. I needed him just as much as he needed me. I kissed him deeply, passionately, and he met me just as desperately.

"Promise me," he whispered between our violent kisses. "Promise me, Bella."

"I'm here," I responded, moving against him. "I'll never leave you, Edward, never. I promise."

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><p>I blinked, coming to my senses. "Oh!" I cried with dismay. Edward looked up at me in alarm as I surveyed the damage around us. "Edward, your piano! I'm so sor-"<p>

Edward cut off my apology with his lips and smiled at me. "It's nothing, Bella. We can easily get another one, hundreds more, if we wanted to. It's alright."

I looked down at our naked bodies and would have blushed had I still been human. I whipped my head around, completely mortified. "Oh god, I can't believe we just did that! Your family-"

"Are not in the house," Edward smiled assuredly. "Alice had a vision of our confrontation and…afterward…so they left to give us some privacy."

I groaned softly in embarrassment.

"Come on," Edward stood, took me in his arms, and sped to our bedroom. "Let's get you in some suitable clothes, and then we'll go."

I closed my eyes briefly as he reminded me what I had agreed to.

"Alice left you some clothes in the bathroom," he murmured.

I entered the bathroom, expecting a poufy ball gown, and was surprised to see ripped up, worn out jeans and an old t-shirt, stained with what looked like blue paint. I pulled them on and turned to the mirror to put my hair up in a ponytail and gasped.

My eyes were coal black, darker than they had ever been. The areas around my eyes looked bruised and sunken in, and my lips were as pale as my skin. I looked like death, like Edward had when he had refused to hunt during our months apart. Disturbed by my appearance and the reminder it brought, I hurriedly put up my hair and left hastily.

Edward stood in the center of our room, looking stunning in his jeans and form fitting shirt. His eyes took in my hesitant and despondent appearance with sympathy, and he held out his hand. "Ready, Bella?"

No. I slipped my hand into his, and we sped out of the house and through the trees up the mountain. I placed all of my focus on Edward's hand around mine, trying not to be distracted by my memories or the reasons that I did not want to do this.

Deeper and deeper into the wilderness we ran, flying over brooks and streams and weaving through the trees as fast as we could. It was still as exhilarating as the very first time I had run full speed as a vampire. I was startled to find myself smiling.

The scent hit me fast and hard. I jerked away from Edward and sprinted towards the direction of the scent. My nostrils flared as the delicious smell grew stronger, my throat burned with my unquenchable thirst, and venom dripped from my teeth onto my tongue in desperate anticipation.

I saw a flash of gray fur, and my prey was in my hands. My teeth sunk into its neck and I greedily guzzled its tangy blood as fast as I could. I was surprised when I felt something charge at me and scratch at my face as I dropped my prey from my hands.

It growled and snarled, though its eyes were wide and terrified. With a growl of own I had seized and drained it before it had time to blink again.

I licked the blood from my lips as my eyes rolled back in my head in pleasure. I panted heavily, the fire in my throat still burning, but no longer unbearable.

I opened my eyes and glanced down at the two animals I had fed upon. With a strangled cry of horror, I scrambled away from the bodies until I slammed against the tree, which groaned in protest.

Two gray wolves, the fur by their necks matted with fresh blood, lay dead at my feet. Their glassy eyes stared at me accusingly, and I began to tremble. The faint taste of blood on my tongue sent flashes in my mind of the moment I had killed Charlie. I put my hands over my mouth to stifle my sobs.

Edward was in front of me now, kneeling before me and blocking my view of my kills.

"Edward," I said, my eyes wide.

"It's alright, Bella," Edward said reassuringly. "They are just normal wolves, just animals. If they had been from the pack, not only would they smell absolutely repulsive, but they would be much, much larger. You remember what they look like, you remember their scent. These are not them. They are safe back at their reservation."

I took deep breaths and focused on his words, which made complete sense. He was right. I wouldn't have been able to attack and kill two werewolves on my own, nor would I have wanted to.

Still, the sight of their bodies made my stomach turn, and I vowed to myself never to hunt another wolf.

"More?" he asked softly, his fingers trailing softly against my throat. I wrapped my hand around his and nodded.

Edward pulled me to my feet and hesitated. "Shall we hunt for some herbivores? I think I smelled a herd a few miles back."

I nodded and gave him an appreciative smile. An entire herd of Blacktail deer later, I rested with Edward on a large, flat boulder. My stomach felt like it was about to burst, the burn had extinguished down to a dull simmer, and I felt slightly dazed from my sudden engorgement.

"Thank you," Edward whispered, his golden eyes boring into mine. He had fed only after I was full.

"Thank you," I turned to him and gently kissed his lips.

His lips curved slightly in a hesitant frown as his eyes searched my face. "Bella, can I show you something?"

My brow furrowed in apprehension. "What is it?"

"Do you trust me?" he murmured quietly against my ear.

I leaned my forehead forward until it touched his. "With everything I am."

In a flash he had scooped me up in his arms. I cried out in surprised protest before I laughed at his sudden smile. I froze for a moment at the unfamiliar sound that passed through my lips. I had not laughed in awhile.

Shaking my head, I hooked my arms around his neck and leaned against his chest. Edward dashed forward. His speed and grace prevented my body from jostling around. I was perfectly comfortable like this, in his arms, so much so, I realized I could spend an eternity in his embrace and never feel the slightest amount of discomfort.

I breathed in the heavenly aroma that was strictly Edward and closed my eyes. He slowed to a stop and whispered lovingly, "We're here, love."

I slipped out of his arms and opened my eyes with a gasp. Before us lay a sloping meadow, blooming with an array of purples and blues, and framed by tall, glistening pine trees. It was similar to the meadow in Forks, but the slope was steeper, there were more flowers, which were different kinds and colors.

I never got a chance to see our meadow after I was changed, and with my sharper, clearer vision, the sight before me was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. The breath was literally stolen from my lungs, and I looked at nature's perfection with unblinking eyes, completely in awe.

"Edward, this is, it's…" I paused, lost for words.

"I know," he murmured, a smile on his lips as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against him. "And it's ours, love, all ours."

"Do you have a meadow staked out wherever you go, Mr. Cullen?" I asked with a soft grin.

Edward laughed. "Unfortunately not, though I always end up finding a place of my own to hide away from the world's troubles. And two of them just happen to be fantastic meadows."

"And it's ours," I sighed as I leaned against him, strangely at peace.

I moved from his embrace and wandered into the flowery field. I held my hands out by my side so my fingers brushed against the soft petals of the flowers, and the smooth, waxy feel of the grass. I inhaled the floral scents, mixed with the smell of pine, grass, earth, and of course, Edward.

I turned towards him. He hadn't moved, but watched me with open admiration and love on his face. I reached out my hand towards him, like the day I first saw him in the sunlight, and with an ear-splitting grin, he rushed to my side and gently tackled me to the earth.

Edward showered my face with gentle kisses as tiny petals rained down on us and stuck in my hair. "Edward?" I asked, picking a five petaled, baby blue flower from a stem. I accidently crushed it in my fingers. I carefully picked another one and held it in my palm. "What kind of flower is this?"

"Alpine Forget-Me-Nots," he smiled and kissed my cheek.

"And these?" I motioned towards the pretty purple ones with golden centers.

I was surprised when Edward stiffened. "They're just wild flowers, Bella," he said, a strange tone to his voice. "What does it matter what they're called?"

He rolled off of me, and I leaned up on one elbow. I picked a strand of the purple flowers and held them between us. "I'm curious. What are they called, Edward?"

Edward sighed. "Jacobs Ladder."

I dropped the flowers as if burned as Jacob's face flashed in front of my eyes. A fire was burning inside me, but this time, it wasn't in my throat. It was in my gut, rising and sizzling like molten rock. The feeling wasn't familiar, and I realized suddenly that it was hate.

I _hated _him, hated him with every fiber of my being. What had I ever seen in him? Jacob manipulated me and used me, he criticized my choices and condemned me for them, he called me a monster, and worst of all, he was so blinded by his jealousy and immaturity, he had brought my father to his death.

It no longer mattered to me how repulsive the werewolf's scent was. I wanted to drain him dry, the same way I was forced to kill Charlie. The wolves I had fed upon hours ago didn't seem so horrible anymore. I relished the thought of their lifeless eyes, and a deep hunger rose up inside me, not to feed, but to _kill_.

"Bella, love, come back to me," Edward's voice remained calm, though I heard the undertones of panic.

I realized a fierce growl rumbled in my chest, and sometime during my rage filled thoughts, I had sat up. Handfuls of wildflowers were gripped in my fists, which tightened and crushed them.

Venom dripped from my bared teeth and I rose fluidly, ready to hunt down my prey and exact my revenge. Edward stood in my path. That was wrong. I didn't want to hurt him. He wasn't the one I longed to dismember.

"I know exactly what you're feeling, Bella," Edward said in a tense voice. "I know, because I feel the exact same way. But as wonderful as it would feel to hunt him down and tear him apart, you have to control that urge."

I growled at him. Why? Why should I have to wait? I wanted his blood, and I wanted it, _now_.

"Think about it logically, Bella," Edward rose up his hands. "Take deep breaths. Their pack is very large, and very strong. You could not hope to reach Jacob alone and take your revenge before the wolves tore you apart instead. They will be waiting for you, ready for you, and you wouldn't stand a chance. Breathe, Bella, and let your anger go.

"Focus on the sound of my voice the feel of the breeze on your skin, the smell of the forest and the flowers, on my scent. Deep breaths, that's it, and listen to my words. Focus on me, love."

Calm, I was calm. There was nothing else except this meadow, no one else except Edward and me. Wait, but there was. I turned around where Jasper and Alice stood a few yards away, hand in hand.

Oh. No wonder I was so calm all of a sudden. I felt slightly disappointed at that. I thought I was getting better at controlling myself.

Jasper gave me a tiny smile. "Sorry, Bella. It seemed things might be getting a little out of hand."

I shrugged. "I was just going to run off and slaughter an entire wolf pack single handedly."

"Yeah, that wouldn't have turned out so well, Bella," Alice gave me a mock glare, hands on her hips.

"I figured that," I said dryly. I took another deep breath, one full of pleasant scents, and let it out. I looked at the meadow around us, and instead of the solitude I felt upon entering its fragile beauty, I felt stifled violent urges at the sight of the purple flowers. I frowned unhappily. I ruined it. No, I told myself firmly, _Jacob_ ruined it.

"Bella, perhaps we should go back to the house?" Jasper suggested, no doubt feeling my rage begin to rise once more.

I looked to Edward, who nodded, then slipped my hand in his. "Alright," I said. We ran after Alice and Jasper at a more leisurely pace.

I felt…different. Perhaps it was the phone call I had with my mother, or my argument and resolution with Edward, or the fact that I had finally hunted, or perhaps my newfound desire for revenge against Jacob, but I felt different than before.

Edward had once told me that vampires are frozen in time, every aspect about them. Our emotions are stronger, as well as our bodies, and for something to change…well it would have to be phenomenal. How then, could I feel like I was starting to heal? Why was I not stuck in my grieving stupor, stuck forever in my self-inflicted agony?

Was it because everything had been so perfect when I had been changed? I had been happy, content…maybe a little moody, but that was normal for newborns. Did that mean this grief and pain would pass, or at least lesson as my newborn urges began to fade? Was there hope for a happy ever after with Edward?

"It's times like these when I wish that I could hear your thoughts, Bella," Edward said, a smile on his lips as we darted through the trees.

I smiled back. "Sorry. I was just thinking…about time, and healing…and changing."

As if he really had heard my string of thoughts, he replied, "Give it time, Bella. Each human grieves differently. Some take years to move on, others, months. You are an immortal now, and though your pain is strong, stronger than most, it will lesson with time. Your scars will stay with you," Edward paused, putting his hand over my heart. "But you will live a long and happy life, I promise you."

I stood on my toes and kissed him, wondering exactly what I had done to deserve an eternity of bliss with Edward.

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><p><em>AN: Hello again readers! I thought I would be sweet and update faster than normal. :) I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I feel really good about how it came out. I know that this has been a super angsty ride, and I am trying to slowly transition out of it as realistically as I can. I really love this story and I've just broken 80 pages on my word doc! 80! That's the longest story I have ever written so far. <em>

_To those of you wondering about Jacob and when he will get what's coming to him, don't worry, he will be returning, i'm guessing somewhere in the next few chapters. I really hope you guys like this story, and that it qualifies as a realistic AU to Breaking Dawn. _

_AS always, I devour your reviews like fudgey chocolate brownies with vanilla ice cream, and would love to hear your feedback. See you next time. _

_Queen_


	12. Chapter 12: Happy Birthday

_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight_

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><p>Chapter Twelve: Happy Birthday<p>

When we arrived back at the house I was immediately put on my guard. There were new scents that had not been there before we left to hunt, and I could not immediately identify them, though they were vaguely familiar.

Alice was waiting at the door to usher us in, a barely contained smile on her eager face. Now I was really worried. What had she done this time?

I glanced up at Edward, whose face was carefully blank. Uh-oh.

"Hello, Bella," Alice said innocently.

"What are you doing?" I asked suspiciously, unsure what kind of surprise I could handle right now.

"Nothing," her wide eyed innocence fooled no one. "I'm going to need you to close your eyes though."

"Why?" I narrowed my eyes at her and planted my feet on the steps that led to the house.

"Trust me?" Alice asked hopefully, and at my look, sighed. "Bella, I've already seen that you can handle what I'm about to show you. You'll even enjoy it. So, humor me?"

My heart could never hold out against Alice for long, and with another glance at Edward, who was no help at all, I gave a reluctant nod.

Alice wisely held back a squeal, then moved behind me. "I'm going to cover your eyes, so don't attack me."

Her hands moved to block my eyes. "It's a good thing I'm more coordinated as a vampire, otherwise I know this would end in disaster," I said drily as she ushered me into the house. Edward chuckled.

The strange smells grew stronger, and I frowned, trying to discern what they were.

"Everyone is in the living room," Alice said, wisely making sure I was not too surprised. She needn't have bothered though, I could smell each of their scents mingled with the new ones, and I could hear them breathing.

"Okay," Alice said brightly. "Open your eyes."

She moved her hands away, and reluctantly, I opened my eyes. I stared at the sight before me, completely baffled.

A banner hung above the fire place, adorned with bright blue letters that read, "Happy Birthday!". White balloons were tied in clumps around various spots, and almost every surface, including the banister of the stairs, were covered in white roses.

A large white cake decorated with soft blue flowers sat on the coffee table, next to a large stack of brightly wrapped gifts.

The family waited with anxious smiles, all dressed up in nice clothes, and I stared back at them and asked, "Whose birthday is it?"

Relieved laughter filled the room. "Yours, Bella," Alice rolled her eyes. "Your nineteenth."

I did the math in my head. "Oh no, no way," I shook my head. "I stopped aging when I turned into a vampire. I am still eighteen, and I always will be."

"Yes, yes, we know, Bella," another roll of the eyes from Alice.

"But that doesn't mean that we don't want to celebrate the day you were born," Esme said with a gentle smile that should have made me blush.

I scrambled for something to say. "None of us can eat that," I pointed at the large cake.

"So," Alice shrugged as if she didn't waste a fortune on something none of us would touch. "You still get to blow out the candles and make a wish. But first, you and I are going to go upstairs and clean you up."

I looked to Edward helplessly, who grinned and moved to talk to Jasper and Emmett. Alice pulled me into her room and gently pushed me into a chair, where she began moving at top speed to take my hair down and pick out the bits of grass and flowers from the meadow.

I stared at my hands, not wanting to look at my face. Alice worked her magic, and in minutes, my hair was flowing and flawless, and though I didn't look at the mirror, I knew my face was equally beautiful.

Alice handed me a simple, tight, cream colored dress, and I slipped it on along with a pair of pumps. I was much less adverse to high heels now that I could walk in them without injuring myself.

"What's on your mind, Bella?" Alice asked as she straightened my dress. "You haven't said much since the surprise."

I struggled to form my thoughts into words. "I'm…not really sure to be honest. There's just so much…I mean, how can I celebrate when Charlie can't? I feel so much. I feel guilty about what I did, sad because my dad is gone, furious at Jacob, in love with Edward, grateful for all of you…I'm dreading this party because it is a party, but touched that you would do all of this for me to make me feel better…I'm worried because I don't know what's going to happen next…

And this is all in my head, screaming at me at the same time! It's maddening," I said, shaking my head.

"It's all part of what we are," Alice assured me, her golden eyed gaze strong. "It's hard to handle at first, all of the emotions, thoughts, senses, instincts, but it will get easier to manage over time."

I looked at my hands clasped tightly in hers.

"Bella, whether or not you agree, you deserve to be celebrated. This is our little way of showing you how much you mean to us, how much we care about you, and how nothing can or will ever change that."

I met her eyes, a smile on my lips. Impulsively, I kissed her cheek. She smiled, delighted, and began to lead me out of her room and down the stairs. "Now let's party!"

Edward was waiting at the bottom of the stairs, looking absolutely breathtaking. He smiled my favorite smile and held out his arm. I took it.

"You knew," I accused. He nodded. "You let her go overboard."

"You know as well as I do that once Alice has set her mind on something, there is no stopping her."

"You could have warned me."

"And incurred Alice's wrath? I don't think so."

"Traitor."

"What should we do first, cake or presents?" Alice clapped her hands together. The rest of the family was standing leisurely around the decorated room, looking content.

"Presents," Emmett said with a grin. "Definitely presents."

I eyed the pile and bit my lip to keep back the protests. They had put in a lot of effort for me, to show me their love, and I wasn't going to throw it back in their faces.

"Mine first!" Alice sped to my side, a large rectangular box in her hands. I took it from her with a small smile.

I pried my fingers under a corner to rip off the wrapping paper, but my fingers slid effortlessly through the paper and the cardboard box. Surprised, I jerked my hand away, only to have the entire box rip and the contents spill onto the floor. Emmett laughed, and I swore I heard Carlisle chuckle.

"Crap," I muttered and speedily picked up the different materials. Clothes, of course. "Sorry."

I picked up the card, which had fallen under a blue blouse and read aloud, "There's more where this came from in the 'Bella' section of my closet. You're welcome."

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks, Alice."

"Anytime," she grinned, and I knew she meant it.

"Hey Bella, catch," said Emmett as he lightly tossed something my way.

Quickly, easily, I caught it, careful not to squeeze it too hard. I looked at the object in my hand and laughed. It was a chunk of rock the size of my fist wrapped in a thin blue ribbon.

"It's great, Emmett," I matched his smile.

"Knew you'd like it," Emmett winked.

"Cheapskate," I teased. "You just didn't want to spend your own money."

"Come on, would I really do something like that?" he smiled innocently.

More presents followed: Carlisle and Esme showed me to the guest room that had been refurbished as a library, complete with large cushy chairs, a fireplace, and an entire section labeled, "Bella". Rosalie remained silent when she handed me a bracelet, its thick silver band etched with a delicate swan. Edward was last, and with a smile, handed me a key ring with several keys dangling from its hoop.

"Oh, right, my 'after car'," I rolled my eyes. "Thanks, Edward."

He grinned and kissed the top of my head. "This one is a key to this house," he gestured, then pointed to an older looking one, "And this one is mostly symbolic. It represents the house being built for us."

A house of our own, where Edward and I could live, with no interruptions…I couldn't find any faults in that idea. I smiled and kissed him soundly.

"I hope you enjoy the books," Esme said with a kind smile Carlisle had his arm around her waist.

"I love them already," I said genuinely.

"Bella," Carlisle said seriously, hesitantly. Edward stiffened at my side. "Something else came for you in the mail today. I hate to give it to you when we are celebrating your birthday, but I didn't want to keep it from you."

He held in his hands a square package. Carlisle started to hand it to me, but paused with a small smile. He carefully slipped his fingers under the wrapping and tore it away effortlessly. A simple black box was handed to me. I stiffened as a faint scent filled my nostrils.

Immediately, the hair on the back of my neck and across my arms stood straight up, and I looked up at Carlisle in confusion and alarm. The scent was…new, but I felt as though I ought to know it. He smiled grimly and offered no explanation.

Curiosity and apprehension flitted around in my stomach as I took the box, which was larger than my hand. I pried open the box, which creaked faintly, and gasped. All thoughts of the scent flew out of my mind as I stared at the marvelous sight before me.

Laid on a bed of black velvet, an ornate diamond necklace gleamed at me. The silver chain twisted like a snake, and a huge diamond hung in the center, framed by glittering opals. My sharp eyes took in every detail, every movement of the chain, every line and cut into the jewels. There was no denying the necklace's beauty.

"Who-what is this for?" I asked, unable to look away from the lights and colors glittering in the diamond's depths.

"This was sent with it," Carlisle handed me a yellowed envelope, which had my name written in elegant, ancient looking script. I gave Edward the black box with the diamond necklace so I could open the letter. The scent was even stronger on the paper, and my stomach rumbled with suppressed growls.

Bewildered at the lack of answers, I turned it over, and I saw a red wax seal with the mark of the Volturi. Comprehension slammed into me. The dangerous scent I had smelled was that of Aro, an ancient, manipulative vampire who I had no desire to ever see again. I didn't need my instincts to know that he and the rest of the Volturi were a threat.

I was careful with the seal, not wanting to rip the letter inside. I pulled out a sheet of yellowed parchment and read,

"Mrs. Isabella Cullen,

I am quite relieved that a visit from us was not required to ensure your cooperation, and I look forward to seeing you in person when you are fit for travel."

The Volturi's seal, along with Aro's signature was on the bottom of the note. I stared at it, as entranced as I was with the diamond.

The Volturi. Their daunting presence had been absent from my mind since I spoke with Carlisle after my change. I had forgotten that they would want proof that I was an immortal, and would require my presence in Italy. Fear, daunting and terrible, raked its icy claws down my back.

I looked up at Carlisle. "When do I have to go?"

"Not for a few months, at least," Carlisle assured me. "They understand that you are a newborn, and therefore a threat capable of revealing our presence to humans. After a few months, maybe more, when you are more stable, we will go to Italy."

"Don't worry, Bella," Edward said, taking the letter from my hands. "You won't be going alone."

"I don't have to wear that thing, do I?" I nodded towards the necklace in Edward's hands. Suddenly, it's beauty and size seemed intimidating and cold.

Edward shut the box with a snap. "No. We'll put it away, I promise."

My stomach turned with uncertainty. My mind raced with possible visions of the future, intermingled with terrifying questions. Alice spoke, "Carlisle, you ruined the mood!"

"It had to be done, Alice," Carlisle said kindly. "But there is no reason to worry about it. The trip will be a long time from now."

Warm feelings of celebratioin and pleasantness urged my fear away, and I turned to them gladly, ready to put away my worries.

"Esme, get the cake," Alice ordered, obviously eager to return to the party.

"Cake?" I raised an eyebrow as Esme left to the kitchen. "Alice, I can't eat. Neither can any of you. Why would you waste money on a cake?"

"It's tradition," she protested. "Birthdays equal cake and presents. That's how it goes."

Esme entered the room with a small, pink frosted cake with a single flickering candle on top. I shook my head but smiled at the gesture. Esme held the cake in front of me, and with a huge grin, said, "Make a wish, Bella."

I closed my eyes. What did I want to wish for? The list was too long. I wish I hadn't killed Charlie. I wish Jacob wouldn't have brought him to the house. I wish he would have understood my decisions. I wish we could still be friends. I wish that I could make things right.

I wish that I could have better control. I wish that I would never take another human life again. I wish we could be left alone to our corner of the world, where no dangers could reach us.

I opened my eyes and blew gently. The candle's small light flickered and died.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>

**Surprise! First, of I apologize for the huge delay in updates, though in all fairness, I did warn you that it was going to happen. I thought the story needed some lightness, so I hope I achieved that in this chapter. It's sort of a filler, and it's short, but I thought you guys would like some kind of update. Sorry it took so long. I can't guarantee another quick update. It might take forever again, but at least this is something. I hope you enjoyed!**


	13. Chapter 13: Jacob's Ladder

_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight_

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><p><strong>Chapter Thirteen: Jacob's Ladder<strong>

A few days following my birthday, I found myself sprawled on my back in the middle of mine and Edward's meadow, staring at the clouds above me. I had let Alice dress me today, and as a result, I wore a white lacy summer dress, and my long hair had been pulled into a loose braid. It would have been a good look if I was in Arizona. As it was, I was in Cordova, a place that was rarely warm, and I thought I looked ridiculous.

My eyes searched the clouds for shapes, but the whole sky just looked like a jumbled smear of gray. I sighed through my nose, then rolled onto my side and propped my head up on my arm. A gentle breeze made the grass and wild flowers sway softly.

I still felt sick to my stomach at the sight of the little purple flowers, but it was the perfect place to relax, and it belonged to Edward and myself. I wasn't about to let Jacob ruin something else.

It was the first time I had been alone in a very long time. Even before I was a vampire it seemed I was almost always in the presence of a vampire. It was nice to get away from the sympathetic gazes of my family and just be on my own.

Of course, I wasn't really alone. Edward was hunting nearby, far enough away that I couldn't immediately sense him, but I knew he was there. I tried to snuff out my irritation, but I knew how dangerous it was for me to be alone. If a human hiker should stray…I winced and changed my train of thought.

I picked up the book I had brought with me with my free hand and stared at the worn cover. I had tried to read, to immerse myself in the world of fiction so I could achieve some kind of reprieve from reality, but it hadn't worked.

First of all, I read a lot faster than I could as a human, and no matter how hard I tried to slow myself down, I kept reading too fast to really lose myself in the words. Secondly, I found that I could focus on multiple things at the same time. As I read, my mind absorbed the words while also thinking of a way to control my instincts better, and counting how many blades of grass where lying in my peripheral vision.

I sat up with another sigh and let the book fall on my lap. So much for distracting myself. My alone time wasn't nearly as satisfying as I thought it would be.

I got to my feet and brushed the stray flower petals off of my dress (Alice would kill me for the grass stains that now marred my skirt). Then it happened.

A powerful, musky stench made my nostrils flare and my hands curl into claws. A deep growl rumbled in my chest as a flurry of emotions erupted around me. My senses were screaming danger, but I recognized the threat that approached.

I stared in completely shock at the sight before me, feeling as if the world was bring pulled out from under me. My dead heart felt as if it was pounding, rattling my chest with its furious beat. My breath quickened, and hate rose inside of me so quickly, I began to tremble.

Jacob Black took his first step into the meadow.

My eyes quickly took his appearance. His black hair was shaggy and unkempt, and his face hadn't been shaved. His eyes were bloodshot, and he wore nothing but a pair of worn, ragged shorts. As his gaze met mine, I heard a sharp intake of breath. His own heart was racing, and his face twisted into an expression I couldn't identify.

I snarled, filled with fury and a sick sense of anticipation. My mouth watered, ready to make the kill. Heedless of the danger, I charged.

I expected Jacob to change into a wolf, to charge at me with his own snarls, or to flee from my wrath, but he did neither. He remained where he was, that strange expression frozen on his face.

In the seconds it took me to reach him, my mind raced with all of the violent possibilities I could inflict on him.

There was a blur of movement to Jacob's right, and a loud CRACK sounded as something slammed into his jaw and sent his body flying to my left. I halted my charge, my surprise and shock temporarily driving my anger away.

Edward towered over Jacob's fallen form, his hands curled into tight fists and his lips pressed together in a hard line. His eyes were black with fury.

Jacob groaned in obvious pain as he cradled his jaw. The sound ignited my hate, but miraculously, it did not overwhelm me like just seconds ago. It was still there, hot and powerful in my gut, but its fire only burned, not consumed.

Edward growled viciously and seized Jacob's arm. He yanked him roughly to his feet, and his fingers dug in to his flesh. Jacob flinched, and with an angry growl, he pulled away from Edward's grip.

Instinctually, I moved beside my husband with a snarl, and Jacob stepped back, his eyes lit with a flash of fear. Good.

"What the hell do you think you are doing here?" came Emmett's voice, and I glanced around to see the entire family had arrived, their faces dark with anger. I saw Jasper edge closer to me. Ah, so it was Jasper who was mostly blocking my thirst to rip Jacob apart.

"I-I came to see Bella," came Jacob's pained response, a heartbroken expression twisting his face.

With a snarl I lunged at him, my fury flaring. Edward seized my arms and held me back, though I could tell he was hesitant to do so.

"It would be wise for you to leave, Jacob Black," said Carlisle, his voice surprisingly shaking with suppressed emotion.

"You aren't welcome here," added Alice in a cold voice.

"I know, but I-I need to talk to Bella," his big brown eyes searched my face. "Bella, I'm _so_ sor-"  
>"<em>Don't!" <em>I screeched, my fingers aching to claw at his skin, to make him bleed. "Don't you DARE!"

"Bella-" Jacob started.

"You _stupid mongrel_!" I hissed, my voice escalating in pitch. Jasper was trembling nearby. "I _hate_ you! I HATE YOU!"

And then he had the nerve to look hurt. "_Please_, let me explain," he begged.

The others snarled and hissed at him. Emmett joined Edward in his attempt to hold me back. "Leave now," Edward's voice was tight and tense. "You have no idea how badly I want to let her go so she can rip you apart."

"Explain? Let you _explain_, Jacob!" I spat out his name like poison as I tried to wrench my arms free. "You-you-monster! You KILLED him! It's YOUR FAULT! There's _nothing_ to explain!"

"I know," he said miserably, putting his hands up, pleading with me. "I know it's my fault. You have no idea how much I hate myself, how I wish I could take it back, how I wish it was me instead of him that died—"

"That makes two of us!" I snapped. He flinched again, and I didn't hold back my snarl.

"LEAVE, JACOB!" Edward roared. "Or I will help her kill you!" The growls and hisses behind me escalated as the family grew closer.

"No, not until she hears me out," Jacob argued.

I shook so badly the ground beneath me seemed to vibrate. I felt Jasper's desperate attempts to calm me down. "What did you expect, Jacob?" I asked in a low, sinister voice. "That you would say you're sorry and I would forgive you? That we could go back to being best friends, pretend it never happened? This isn't like the time you showed Charlie the motorcycles, Jake! This isn't some petty fight over your stupid jealousy! You _killed_ my father!"

"I-"

"There is _nothing_ you can do or say that will make things right again!" I shrieked at him, my vision blurring with the desperate need to tear out his throat, to make him feel as much pain as I felt.

"Let me go, Edward!" I snarled. I hissed violently at Jacob, who watched me with the most pained expression I had ever seen, which only served to infuriate me further.

Jacob let out a shaky sigh as he reached into his pocket and pulled something out. He looked at the object in his large fist and said, "I deserve to be hated, Bella. I know I deserve to die, and that you have every right to kill me for what I did. I didn't come here to patch things up so we can be friends again. I came here to beg for your forgiveness, no matter how much I don't deserve it. And I came to give you this."

He opened his hand, and the scent that had been covered by his repulsive werewolf smell hit me like a powerful wave. Instantly my mouth filled with venom, and a thirst so powerful I began to shake burned in my throat.

A high pitched, keening wail burst from my lips as I recognized the scent that drove my body mad with thirst and desire. I fell to my knees, trembling and gasping for air I did not need, battling between my desperate need for blood and gut wrenching sorrow. I dug my hands into the earth, fisting the dirt to try and anchor myself.

My eyes took in the detail of my father's wedding ring that he had always worn, despite the divorce from my mother. It was a simple gold band, pure and beautiful, though my excellent vampiric vision caught the faint fingerprints that still remained on the ring.

Edward and Emmett had released me, which I belatedly realized was because Emmett was now restraining a furious Edward. Alice was suddenly by my side. She angrily snatched the ring away from Jacob's palm and shoved it in her pocket, trying to cover the scent with her own.

"You idiot!" she seethed. "Haven't you hurt her enough?"

"I was just trying to-"

"Jacob, this is the final time I will warn you," Carlisle approached, his voice tight with restrained anger. "You have deeply hurt this family, and if you continue to linger, I will not be responsible for what they might do, nor will I make any attempt to stop them."

Esme and Rosalie were silent, but both wore cold expressions on their beautiful faces.

My father's intoxicating aroma faded as the others approached. Now Jacob's scent was by far the most powerful, and as fresh feelings of hurt and loss slammed upon me with the reminder of my father, I lost all control on my thoughts and emotions. Jasper inhaled sharply, but was too late to stop me as I sprung.

An unearthly shriek sliced through the air as I pounced upon the werewolf, who gasped in surprise but remained frozen. As my body impacted with his, I heard several cracks, and Jacob grunted in pain. I raised my arm in the air, my fingers twisted into claws, and I swiped furiously at his face.

His head jerked to the side with the force of my blow, and his potent scent grew stronger as my nails sliced through his skin and blood pooled in the wounds and trickled down his cheek. Jacob cried out, and something in me hungered for more, _more pain, more blood, more_! I snarled.

I scratched at his arms, his chest, at everything I could reach. In the span of a few seconds, Jacob's body was covered in long scratches where my hands had gouged into his flesh.

My eyes burned from nonexistent tears, and my body was wracked with sobs as my claws turned to fists and I began to pommel him. Growling and wanting nothing more than to cause him intense agony, my eyes sought his throat. I leaned forward, baring my teeth, ready to release my deadly venom into his body, when hands seized my arms and wrapped around my waist and chest. I was yanked away.

I fought wildly, hissing and weeping, and clawing and fighting, I struggled in the arms of my family as Carlisle and Esme knelt by Jacob. He had made no move to fight me, and I saw his brown eyes wet with tears.

The wild rush of fury and the lust for violence seeped from my body, and I stilled in Edward's arms, shaking with grief and pain. I turned and buried my head in his chest. Emmett removed his hold on me and moved away as Edward held me tight and whispered gentle reassurances in my ear. He was trembling.

Footsteps approached. "Come on, Edward, let's take her home."

I turned my head in surprise to see Rosalie, her face blank, but her eyes sympathetic. Edward glanced toward Jacob, unbridled fury burning in his eyes.

"Later, Edward," Rosalie insisted, and she placed a hand on his forearm. He nodded tightly, and together they lead me from the meadow. The sounds of my family's voices faded away, but I could still hear Jacob's heartbeat, echoing in my head like a drum.

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><p><em>Jacob's POV<em>

"Honestly, Jacob, what were you thinking?" Carlisle asked, his voice weary. I moved away from his cold hands. "Stop moving. Let me help you."

"No," I rejected his half-hearted offer. I could see that he was torn between his duties as a doctor to help a patient in need, and his feelings as a father to stand by his family. I didn't want his help. I deserved every ounce of pain that Bella inflicted, and I would heal fast anyways.

I bit my lip to hold back a groan of pain as I shifted my weight. Damn, that girl could pack a punch. My jaw had healed from Edward's attack, but I could feel several broken bones from Bella's pounce. The cold air made the scratches covering my body sting, but they were nothing compared to the ones on my face, where my tears had mingled with my blood.

"He doesn't want your help, that's fine. Now he can leave," Alice crossed her arms and glared at me. I almost scoffed at her attempt to look intimidating. Glancing at the blonde guy, I knew I had made the right decision to keep my amusement to myself.

"Go home, Jacob," said Esme, her eyes looking old and sad.

"I can't," I shook my head, wincing at the pain the movement caused.

"Dude, are you completely brain dead?" Emmett growled. "_You_ are the reason Bella killed her father. She's going through hell, and it's all your fault. Why the hell would you come waltzing back here with her dead dad's ring? I say, you either get lost, or we bring back Bella to finish the job."

"Emmett," Esme looked at him and shook her head. "Enough."

"No, I'm not done," Emmett reached for me, grabbed my arm, and yanked me to my feet. I cried out at the pain and tried to furiously pull my arm away from him, but his grip was too tight. My skin rippled as my anger grew, and it was only a matter of time before I phased. I would take a hit from Bella, but I was not going to let this guy push me around.

Emmett's eyes were dark. "Bella's family now, whether you like it or not, and I say you've hurt her enough. The treaty is broken, so I don't see a good reason why I shouldn't break your neck right now."

I broke away from him, despite the pain it caused. "I know I messed up, ok? I'm not an idiot!"

The blonde one scoffed, his eyes narrowed in disgust. "That's debatable."

I sighed in frustration and ran my hand through my shaggy hair, wincing as it jostled my hurts. Despair threatened to overwhelm me.

I thought coming here would fix things. I knew it would be hard, I knew she would probably hate me at first, but I thought eventually she could forgive me, though I didn't deserve it. I shook my head. I was deluded to think she could ever stop hating me for what I did. I'd be lucky if after a hundred years, she didn't have the urge to kill me.

I pressed my fists against my eyes, fighting back tears and a groan of sorrow. I missed her. I missed my best friend. Not only had I torn apart our friendship, but I had destroyed her family, and in the process, what little friendship we had left. Bella would hate me forever, and I deserved nothing less.

When I thought I was in more control, I lowered my arms and looked up. Jasper's gaze was calculating, and I remembered with a scowl that he could read my emotions like an open book. Esme, too, looked less angry. Alice and Emmett still looked ready to kill me. I scoffed inwardly, like they could.

"Look," I sighed. "You don't have to tell me what a horrible person I am, or how stupid I am, or how I should have died instead of Charlie. I know all that. And believe me, I feel _so_ awful about what I did. If I could take back one thing…"

I swallowed thickly and stared angrily at the ground, as if it was the one who had wronged me. "It kills me to know how much I hurt Bella, and if she decides that killing me is justice, then I accept that. I came here to let her know that, to offer her my life, since it was my fault that she took his."

"Killing you won't bring back her father," Esme said. "Deep down, Bella knows that. And I believe deep down, she still cares about you, despite what you've done. Taking your life will only hurt her more. She'll realize that eventually. Until then, you need to stay away from her. For her sake, as well as yours. Leave her be."

"Or next time we won't hold back," Emmett added, and I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes.

"I-I understand," I looked to Carlisle. "Renee wanted to send some of Charlie's things to Bella, and I offered to mail them for her. I brought them with me, in my car."

Carlisle nodded. "We will take them for Bella when she's ready."

I nodded and turned to walk back to my car when Jasper moved into my path. I tensed, ready to phase as his eyes darkened.

"What aren't you telling us?" he demanded, his voice slipping into a slight Texan drawl.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I shot back at him. I was exhausted, hurt, and emotionally destroyed, and I had reached the end of my rope.

"Last I checked, your wolf pack was on orders to destroy Bella for breaking the treaty. Us too, for failing to prevent it. Am I really supposed to believe that Sam allowed you to come up here _alone_ to make amends with her?" he asked.

Carlisle and Emmett looked at me sharply, and Alice and Esme tensed.

I sighed inwardly. I really did not want to get into this. "Sam and the others are back at the reservation. Cordova's too far away from the tribe. They won't risk an attack this far. I came on my own."

"And he let you?" Jasper raised an eyebrow skeptically.

I bristled at his words and said through grit teeth, "I can do anything I want. Sam doesn't own me."

They looked at him oddly, and Carlisle said with surprise, "You became alpha?"

"No," I said. "Sam forbade me from finding Bella, and if you ever came back, he ordered me to kill her. I refused. I left the pack on my own."

"And you say they won't follow us here?" Jasper pressed.

"No," I said with certainty. "Like I said, they don't want to leave the reservation unguarded, and they know you got another group of bloodsu-er, another coven here. Besides, now they're down a member. I wouldn't advise that you go anywhere near Forks for a few hundred years though."

Jasper nodded, seemingly satisfied.

"Great, now that that's all settled, you can leave," Alice said with a glare.

I bit back a retort as Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder. I flinched away from the unnatural icy touch of his skin on mine, and he sighed. "Lead the way, Jacob."

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><p><strong>AN: And we go straight back into the angst! Wow, thanks for all of the reviews! I thought a quick update would be a good way to repay you. :) Yes, Jacob's back! This scene was really hard to write. I was trying to find a realistic balance in how everyone would react, and try to remain close to canon in that way. Not sure how well I succeeded. Let me know. lol. I'm sure some of you wanted her to kill him, or feel that he wasn't punished hard enough, or maybe too much, or you don't feel sorry for him at all. All valid reactions. I'm trying to stay realistic, well, as much as i can anyways. And Bella's no where near ready to forgive Jacob, as was made clear in this chapter. She still has a lot to go through, and so does Jacob. Let me know what you guys think of this scene, and what you would do if you were in Bella's shoes. See you next time!**


	14. Chapter 14: Roses are Red

_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight_

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><p><strong>Chapter Fourteen: Roses are Red<strong>

I felt dazed as I walked through the doorway and into the room Edward and I shared. Each still had a hand on my elbow, and I could feel that Edward's body was still tense. I couldn't muster up the energy to feel concern for him. It was though I was in a trance, like I wasn't in control of my body.

"Let me handle this, Edward," Rosalie said softly.

I slowly turned my head to look at her, vaguely registering that her behavior was completely unusual.

Edward looked at her sharply. "No, Bella needs me."

"She needs to be in a calm environment," she insisted. "You are one word away from going on a rampage."

His eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Why are you blocking your thoughts from me?"

"Do I really need to answer that question?" Rosalie shot back. "My thoughts aren't exactly about butterflies and kittens, Edward, and I don't want you to go crazy and upset Bella."

Edward bristled. "Excuse me? Since when are you the queen of tact? I am perfectly capable of taking care of my wife, and I am not going to go crazy!"

She raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at his raised voice and crazed eyes. He sighed.

Edward's phone rang, and he answered it before it had finished its first ring. "Yes?"

I heard Alice's voice, softer and slightly distorted from the phone, say, "Edward, Rose is right. Go for a run, you'll feel better. This is what's best for Bella."

Edward hung up the phone with a frustrated exhale. "Fine," he sighed, then took me in his arms. His eyes sought mine. "Bella?"

"I'm fine," I said numbly.

He looked skeptical, but still turned to Rosalie. "Take care of her."

Rosalie nodded, and Edward disappeared through the doorway.

"Let's get you out of those clothes," Rosalie said gently.

Confused, I looked down at my white dress and stiffened. Dampened streaks of bright crimson stained the soft, white material, looking like something out of a horror film. As I inhaled sharply, I realized that the stench of werewolf clung to my body like a disease.

Memories of Jacob crying out in pain, of blood dripping down his body, of the taste of Charlie's blood, warm on my tongue, flashed in front of my eyes.

My breathing quickened, and I rushed to wipe the blood off of my dress with my hands, fruitlessly trying to scrub away the painful memories. I looked at my hands in dismay. They, too, were covered in blood, covering my smooth and perfect skin and sticking in my fingernails.

I choked out a desperate sob as my hands trembled. Rosalie was suddenly before me, seizing my wrists and dragging me into the bathroom. She hurriedly turned on the water in the shower and yanked me inside.

Water spurted and sprayed from the powerful nozzle, instantly soaking us both. Rosalie ripped the dress from my body and tossed it carelessly onto the tiled floor. I stood under the spray of the water as sobs wracked my body. I didn't care that I was naked in front of Rosalie, who was possibly the most beautiful creature to walk this earth.

Rosalie moved quickly and rubbed down my arms and hands with her own. The red mingled with the water that pooled onto the tile floor and slipped down the drain.

I shivered and trembled as I cried, though the water matched the natural coldness of my skin. Rosalie scrubbed away all traces of Jacob's blood that remained on my body. Her actions washed away the scent and replaced it with her own. When I was clean, she shut off the water and wrapped me in a large, white towel.

Silently, she pulled me from the bathroom, grabbing my stained dress on our way out. Rosalie left me standing in the middle of my room, clothed in nothing but a towel and still dripping. She moved to the fireplace, and in seconds a large fire was roaring.

My sobs slowly began to subside, and I looked at her. Her golden eyes didn't leave mine as she tossed the dress onto the burning logs.

Rosalie drew me towards the fire, and I could feel the warmth from the flames against my wet skin.

"Why are you helping me?" I whispered. The question slipped from my lips before I could stop it, but she didn't look offended.

"Because I know what it's like to have something taken from me," she responded in a grim tone. Her hands took mine, and her eyes burned with an intensity I had only seen from her once before.

"I thought you blamed me for what happened," the part of my brain that filtered out my words had apparently shut down. "I broke the treaty. I'm the reason the wolves drove us out of Forks."

"No," Rosalie said fiercely. "_You_ aren't, and you know it. We all know who the real killer is, and I just washed his blood from your hands."

I winced.

"No, don't you dare feel sorry for what you just did," she snapped angrily. "You have every right to hate him, every right to make him pay."

I didn't respond. My thoughts and emotions warred with each other. Part of me felt satisfaction for what I had done to Jacob and hunger to hurt him more, to end his life. Part of me felt guilty for hurting him, pain for what he must be going through, and grief for the loss of my friend and my father.

"Bella, look at me," Rosalie continued. "We have much more in common than ever before. Our lives were taken from us, mine literally. Your life with your father was ripped away from you because of that dog. We both hunger for justice."

"You mean revenge," I said dully, remembering what she had done to the men who had hurt her.

"No," she argued fiercely. "I took what was rightfully mine, an eye for an eye. They had to pay for what they did, and so does he."

I shook my head, lost and confused and completely overwhelmed from everything that was happening. Rosalie tightened her grip.

"You felt it Bella, you feel it now," she said urgently. "That hate, that pain, that need for blood to be spilled to pay for the life that he took. It felt good, didn't it, hurting him, making him bleed?"

I trembled in her grip and stared at her with wide eyes.

"They should have let you finish it," her voice lowered. "They should have let you end him. They are letting him go, and his body is probably healed already. They are letting him get away with what he did. But we can't let that happen. We _won't_ let that happen."

Rosalie's eyes darkened with determination. I met her gaze, unsure of what was wrong and right, unsure of what I felt or what I thought, and lulled by the power of her words.

"Your father was killed because of Jacob Black," Rosalie said. "And I'm going to help you kill _him_."

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><p><strong>AN: This story has reached 100 reviews! WOW! Thank you so much to each and every one of you who have ever reviewed this story. They are what inspires me to keep writing, even when I am having trouble or am really busy. This chapter is short, I know, but I did it for stylistic purposes rather than a lack of knowing what to write. I hope you guys enjoy it. I'd love to know what you think of it, your guesses of what will happen next, what you would like to see, and your favorite part of the story so far. Leave your responses in a review, and I will try to get the next chapter out as soon as I can. Thanks again!**


	15. Chapter 15: The Choice

_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight_

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><p><strong>Chapter Fifteen: The Choice<strong>

Rosalie drove. We sped along the road in Emmett's jeep, careful to stay on the side roads away from humans.

Her cell phone rang, and after checking to see who it was, she answered it. "You can't stop us, Alice."

"I'm not going to," Alice's voice replied, strangely solemn. Rosalie and I glanced at each other in surprise. "I'm far away from Edward so he won't hear my thoughts."

"You're okay with this?" Rosalie said skeptically, barely glancing at the road.

"This is Bella's life. She deserves to make her own choices," Alice said. "The others…they won't agree, but they can't stop you."

"Then why are you calling?" Rosalie still sounded suspicious.

"You need to head east. Take the next left and head down that road. You should cut him off before he hits the freeway. That's when I stop being able to see. You'll be in a pretty rocky area far away from…interruption," said Alice. Then her voice sounded sad. "Bella, I can see you haven't completely made up your mind. This is a major decision. Once you've decided, there's no going back. Whatever you choose, I support you, and I love you."

"Thanks," I said, loud enough for her to hear me.

Rosalie hung up the phone, and I turned my attention to the road ahead of us.

I had put on the first clothes I had grabbed; my dark wash designer jeans, a form fitting dark gray v-neck sweater, and black boots. My hair had dried into soft, natural waves that would have been messy and frizzy had I still been human.

Alice was right. I hadn't made up my mind. Since becoming a vampire, so much had happened, so much had changed, that my feelings and instincts were constantly changing and overwhelming me. I had never been so confused, or so lost. I didn't know what to do or where to turn to. I was a feather being pulled along in a massive hurricane, helpless against the currents that dragged me farther away from myself.

Rosalie turned onto the next road.

Alice had said I hadn't made up my mind, that there was no going back once I had. But what was the right decision? My stomach was taut with nerves as my mind raced.

I hated Jacob, hated him more than I ever thought I could; hated him even more because once, I had loved him. As a vampire, I wanted nothing more than to kill him for taking the life of a family member, of my coven. Even the human part of me that remained wanted him to pay for what he did. But a small part of me remembered his boyish face, his warm hugs, his brown eyes wet with tears, his gruff voice telling me he loved me, his booming laugh…

I shook my head, disgusted at the human weakness I was feeling. Rosalie was right.

Rosalie stiffened a split second before I did. His scent was strong, and over the roar of the jeep, I could hear his faint heartbeat. The hair on the back of my neck stood straight up, and I growled.

"Don't hesitate, Bella," Rosalie said in a low voice as she sped towards our prey. "Remember, whatever he was to you as a human doesn't matter. He is guilty of your father's death, and killing him is the right thing to do."

_It's the right thing to do_, I repeated in my mind as my fury rose with my growls. We were rapidly approaching the spot where our two roads intersected. The area was very unstable, with sparse vegetation and towering formations of stone.

Rosalie pressed the pedal to the floor of the car. I saw Jacob's car a half a second before we slammed into it. I used the impact of the crash to propel my body into the air. I crashed through the roof of his small vehicle; my feet slammed into the passenger seat as I landed in a crouch beside him.

His shocked gaze snapped up to stare at my face, and with a snarl, I lunged at him; our bodies smashed together with a sound like thunder, and we tumbled out of the totaled vehicle and onto the road.

Jacob's instincts must have taken over, because as we rolled, his skin quivered and trembled, and then suddenly I was under the body of a massive, russet brown wolf.

I felt a thrill of instinctual fear as his huge form towered over me, but a second later, Rosalie seized handfuls of Jacob's fur and with an angry hiss, lifted him away from me and flung him over her shoulder.

Eyes blazing, blonde hair waving in the wind, she looked like a goddess warrior. Jacob growled fiercely, and I leapt to my feet and stood side by side with Rosalie.

Jacob's angry growls subsided, and his brown eyes searched my face. With a heartbreaking whine, he took a step back, his ears flat against his head, his tail lowered between his legs.

I felt a twinge of pity under my rage as Rosalie hissed. ""Go, Bella! I won't interfere! He's yours."

My instincts screamed 'threat' as I stared at the whimpering wolf. He was a danger, he was a killer, he had killed before, and he had to be stopped.

I bared my teeth as I charged, moving faster than I ever had before. The werewolf's eyes widened, and I could see him fighting his own instincts to attack me. His hesitation was his mistake. I swung my fist back and brought it forward with a snarl; it slammed into his face with a loud crack, and with a pained yelp, the wolf fell to the ground.

I moved to strike again, but the wolf was on his feet. To my surprise, he charged me. I shifted defensively, ready to dodge his strike, but instead of barreling into me, he leapt over me. I swung around as his paws hit the earth, and he began to run.

No, he would not get away! I hissed and began to pursue him.

The threat leaped onto the rocky structures, running and jumping over them in great bounds. I followed effortlessly, my eyes focused and determined. The wolf's paws slipped as he landed on one of the rocks, and as his body began to fall, his nails scratched helplessly against the stone, trying to pull himself up.

The wolf fell twenty feet and landed on his side with a yelp, and then I was on him.

I seized his head with one hand and yanked it upwards, exposing his throat. I could hear his pulse beating erratically.

Rosalie's words echoed in my mind. "_We all know who the real killer is, and I just washed his blood from your hands_."

I snarled as I leaned forward, ready to sink my teeth into his throat. His eyes met mine, and I froze. In the reflection of his glassy brown eyes, I saw a fearsome creature, dark and beautiful, with red eyes and a savage, hungry expression on her face. She was terrible in her rage, and her teeth gleamed with poison.

Was this what Charlie had seen right before he died? Was this the last image he had of his only child before his life was taken from him?

With a choked cry, I released Jacob and scrambled back on my arms and legs until I hit the rocky cliff wall behind me. It shuddered beneath the impact.

Who am I? What had I become? Some creature so mixed up in emotions and instincts that she maimed and killed without a second thought? Was I really going to let my wild emotions control me like this? I feared and hated the image of that dark huntress I saw reflected in Jacob's eyes. That wasn't me.

The large werewolf slowly rolled onto his front and got shakily to his feet. His ears flattened, and his wide eyes searched my face. He whimpered, and I felt my eyes burn once more with tears that would never come.

Jacob was no longer my friend, would probably never be my friend again because of what he had done, but I could not kill him. I couldn't kill him, not because I pitied him, or felt something for him, or changed my mind about him. I couldn't kill him because I would not, _could not_ become that monster again.

A hideous creature controlled by instinct and bloodlust who had killed her own father… I could not become her again, not even for revenge. I didn't want any more blood on my hands, even though I had every right to take Jacob's life.

Jacob took a step towards me, and I hissed defensively. Stay away, I warned with my posture. He shrank back.

A muffled thumping, like the sound of distant drums, hit my ears, and startled, I looked up past Jacob. Rosalie was there, banging her fists on an invisible wall that separated us. She growled and hissed at Jacob as she tried desperately to reach me.

I stared in shock at the strange sight. Jacob took another step towards me, and a low growl shook my chest. I would not warn him again. Jacob whined softly, glanced over his shoulder at Rosalie, and with a final look at me, turned away and ran, disappearing from view. I watched him go, my former friend, my one time enemy, a large russet colored wolf bounding off into the distance.

"Bella!" Rosalie called, and I turned to look at her.

The moment our eyes met, the invisible wall she was pushing against seemed to vanish, and she fell forward. She caught herself gracefully, then sped to my side. Her eyes were wild and confused.

"Come on, he's getting away!" she pulled on my arm.

"No," I said. "I'm done."

"You're what?" her voice raised in pitch. "I thought you wanted to kill him!"

"So did I," I lowered my eyes to the ground. "But I can't."

"You can't?" Rosalie repeated. "Honestly Bella, you can't tell me you still feel something for that mongrel?"

"Just leave it, Rosalie," I said, my voice strained.

"I can't believe this!" she threw her hands up. "The dog killed your father, and you're going to let him go because you still want to be friends? Of all the-"

"I said, enough!" I snarled at her, and it was if some force knocked her away from me. Surprised and shocked, she fell backwards and landed on her bottom. She stared at me with wide eyes.

"How did-?"

"I'm going home," I snapped. I got to my feet and instinctively began to run where I somehow knew home would be. I could sense where it was, like Edward was some kind of homing beacon. I zipped through the trees, racing towards my goal as fast as I could. I wanted to be far away from the place where I had almost…

I broke through the trees minutes after I had caught the familiar scents of my family. I paused as I looked at the house, suddenly nervous and ashamed.

Hesitantly, slowly, I walked up to the house and passed through the front door into the living room.

They were all there, waiting for me. I looked at each of their faces, my stomach squirming with nerves. Alice and Emmett looked solemn. Jasper was searching my face and trying to discern what had happened through my emotions. Carlisle and Esme looked disappointed and concerned.

And Edward… his face was impassive, like stone, a cold mask I could not read.

"Bella?" Carlisle prodded gently.

My eyes flicked to his face, then went back to staring at Edward. "I-" I couldn't speak. The words wouldn't come, not when he was looking at me like that.

Rosalie's heels clicked on the tile floor as she stormed into the house. Edward's eyes moved from mine, and his face twisted with anger.

Emmett moved to shield his mate from Edward's wrath. "Calm down, Edward," Emmett raised his hands in a placating manner.

"Calm down?" Edward roared, and I flinched violently. "Do you know what she did? What could have happened?"

"Edward," Carlisle chastised sternly. "That's enough."

"I didn't kill him," I blurted, and every eye in the room turned to look at me. Most were shocked. I lowered my voice and looked at my feet. "I-I let him go."

"Why?" Emmett asked, his voice holding nothing but surprise.

"I-I couldn't do it," I shut my eyes and remembered the look on Jacob's face. "I couldn't kill again. I couldn't be…_her_ again."

"Oh, Bella," Esme said, her voice sad and understanding. I glanced up at Edward, whose face was frozen.

"Edward, I'm sorry," I whispered, not trusting my voice.

And then I was wrapped in his embrace. I sighed, the tension melting away from my body like it had never existed. I was in my mate's arms, and I was safe, and everything would be alright.

"Wait, what the hell happened?" Emmett asked, voicing the confusion in the room.

"While you guys were out, I talked to Bella," Rosalie admitted, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Alice told us everything up until the point that you found Jacob. Then she couldn't see anything," Esme interrupted. She turned to Rosalie, looking disappointed and even slightly angry. "What happened?"

"We hit his car," I said, my voice slightly muffled from being buried in Edward's shirt. I breathed in his scent and stepped back slightly to talk. "I…tackled him, and he phased."

Edward was so still, I thought for a moment that he really had turned to stone. A low growl emitted from his throat. I cast him a wary glance and continued. "He ran, so I chased him. And then I had him pinned, and I was about to…but I didn't. I couldn't. And he ran off," I concluded lamely.

Rosalie scoffed, and Edward's head turned sharply to look at her, his eyes calculating. "That's not all of it. She created another shield."

Her statement was met with gasps, but I looked at her, confused. "Another shield? What the heck is that supposed to mean?"

"Bella, do you remember when we were driving here, and when you were panicking and yelled at Jasper to stop the car?" Carlisle reminded me. I nodded, and he continued. "And then some invisible force slammed into and crushed the car?"

"You think that was me?" I gaped.

"You don't?" asked Jasper.

"But, I don't have any vampire powers," I argued.

"And yet your mind is shielded from Edward's gift, from Aro's, and Jane's," Jasper persisted. "Any gift that would affect your mind, doesn't, because you have a mental shield. Now that you are a vampire, that gift has extended into a physical manifestation of that shield."

"We don't know anything for certain," Carlisle added. "I have contacted Eleazar from the Denali clan. He will be able to tell us more."

"Eleazar can read people's gifts," Edward murmured in my ear. His voice wasn't happy.

"He'll be here in the morning," said Alice.

Their theory made sense, but it was just so hard to believe that I had powers of my own. The thought made me want to laugh. I was a vampire, and I couldn't believe that I had a special gift on top of that?

"Bella, I'd like to speak with you, alone, if that's alright," said Edward's soft voice.

My nerves came back with a vengeance. I swallowed thickly and nodded, allowing him to lead me out of the house.

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><p><strong>AN: I know a lot of you were pushing for Jacob's death, and I wrote it. Yes, I started writing this chapter with his death in mind, and I wrote out the whole scene, and it was good, but it was…wrong. I'm not sure how to put this, but it threw off the whole story. It didn't fit. And at first, I wasn't sure why. Then it hit me. It just wasn't in Bella to kill him. This is an AU story, but I try to keep the characters as close to canon as I can. And Bella would never willingly kill someone, especially Jacob. She may hate him, may never forgive him, may think he deserves to be punished for what he did, but she wouldn't kill him, especially not after killing her father. Bella is not a killer, guys. She is hurt, she's confused, and she's angry, but it was just not in her character to kill Jacob. And so he lives. I'm sorry if this disappoints some of you, but I have to stay true to the characters, and so this is my decision. I hope you guys liked this chapter, even if it isn't what you expected, and I hope you will leave me a review telling me what you thought. Thanks to all those of you who have left reviews. I've gotten a lot that have asked why I didn't write the books, or that I should have, which makes me feel so amazing! I am flattered, guys, seriously. Thank you so much! See you guys next time. Oh, and if you are one of those who really wanted to see Jacob croak, you can PM me and I will send you the alternate ending to this chapter.**


	16. Chapter 16: Resolve

_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. A significant part of dialogue in this chapter is taken directly from Breaking Dawn. I don't own it or claim it, I just used it for the good of my story._

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><p><strong>Chapter Sixteen: Resolve<strong>

Edward wasn't looking at me. I sat cross-legged on a large boulder in the center of a fast moving creek. He stood a few feet away; the icy water was rushing around his bare ankles. I nervously tucked my hair behind my ears as I stared at his beautiful, frozen form.

I could no longer take the silence. "Are you angry with me?"

"I shouldn't be," he murmured, though I heard him clearly over the sound of rushing water. "But I am."

I flinched and lowered my burning eyes to my wringing hands. I bit my lower lip to keep it from quivering.

When Edward spoke again, his voice was tense, angry, and it felt horrible to have it directed at me. "You snuck off with Rosalie of all people to hunt down a dangerous, uncontrollable, werewolf! You made sure that I wouldn't find out until I was too late to stop you. What were you thinking, Bella?"

I remained as still as I could, a defense mechanism I had picked up from Edward. Inside I was trembling from shame and regret.

"He could have hurt you, but worst of all, you could have lost yourself," his voice was pained. "Bella, you should never have run off like that, without speaking to me. I'm your husband, I'm your mate! Does that mean nothing to you? We're supposed to be partners, remember? We're supposed to make choices together, and you did this without me. I could have lost you."

Edward moved slowly, at a human's pace, until he stood before me. With a gentle hand, he cupped my chin and forced me to look at him. I blinked rapidly.

"I never wanted this for you," his voice deadpanned. "Our life together should have been beautiful and simple. What should have been a new and wonderful beginning for you became a tragedy, and for that, I am sorry."

I stared at him, unsure what to say and confused by his unexpected words.

"Everything changed the moment I turned you," Edward's voice was as soft and cool as freshly fallen snow. "Your body changed, becoming cooler, faster, stronger, more alive despite the fact that your heart was no longer beating. You awoke with all these new senses and instincts, and you struggled to find control. Your friendship with Jacob changed. He didn't understand, couldn't understand, and he called you a monster."

I winced and almost looked away.

"Then you lost your father. You were driven from your home by those you called friends, and moved to a new place, where you tried to adjust to everything. You were forced to lie to your mother, who you probably will never see again. Jacob followed us and brought every painful memory to the surface, and in your confusion and hurt, you attacked him and almost killed him."

His golden eyes searched mine, and I tried desperately to follow his words, to try and understand what he was trying to say.

"Bella, for all of these reasons, I shouldn't be angry with you. I should be understanding and supportive, because you have been through so much in the past few weeks. But I can't help but feel angry and hurt that you made this choice without me. Did you really think that I wouldn't understand your desire for revenge, that I wouldn't listen to you and maybe even help you? I'm your mate, Bella, and I love you. Don't you know that?"

"Edward," I said brokenly. I flung myself at him, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck. "Oh, Edward, I'm so sorry. I-I was…I _am_ so lost."

"I know, dear heart," his voice was thick with emotion. "That's why you have to trust me. Let me in, Bella, and I promise I will help you. Your world has been ripped from under your feet, but I'll help you find solid ground again. I promise."

"I love you," I choked, peppering his face with kisses between words and sobs. "I love you so much."

He stilled suddenly, and I looked at him with fear. His face was hesitant when he spoke in a small voice. "If you could go back, would you still ask me to change you?"

I thought for a moment, and when I didn't answer right away, Edward's face crumbled and fell. This time I took his face in my hands until our eyes met. "There are things I would do differently, Edward, if I could. But no matter what, I would choose forever with you every single time."

"Bella," his lips captured mine in a passionate kiss as he moved us through the water to the bank. I fell against the smooth stones and wrapped my legs around Edward's waist. We spent breathless minutes just kissing one another, and holding each other tight before our faces separated, and we took in the unneeded air.

"Am I forgiven?" I asked with a light smile.

Edward chuckled and kissed me again. "How can I stay mad at you, Bella? Just promise you'll make it up to me later."

"I can make it up to you now," I offered with a sly smile, relieved that my mate was no longer upset with me. I lifted up my hips and tightened the grip my legs had around his waist. He groaned.

"As much as I want to, we can't," Edward said unhappily.

I frowned. "Why not? I'm sure the others won't mind."

"It's almost sunrise," Edward replied. "Eleazar will be arriving soon."

"Oh," I remembered. "Do you really think I have…powers?"

He hesitated, then nodded. "I always knew you would be powerful, Bella, in more ways than one. It fits you. Eleazar will be able to explain more."

"Then let's go meet him," I said.

I could not remember Eleazar's face. I had met him once, when I was a human, and the memory was so blurred, I could not discern his appearance other than his dark hair and mysterious beauty.

I smelled him before I saw him. His scent was pleasant and warm, like spices, and when Carlisle opened the door to him, I inhaled deeply. I was nervous to be in the presence of another vampire outside of my coven, and I resisted the urge to crouch behind Edward.

"Carlisle," an accented voice said warmly.

"Welcome, my friend," said Carlisle as he clasped hands with the newcomer. "Come inside, please."

Eleazar stepped inside, and his eyes flew immediately to mine. I froze, taking in his appearance and discerning whether or not he was a threat to me or my mate. He was indeed handsome, with a pale, olive complexion, dark hair, and a sensual face. His eyes were the same buttery gold as my family's. He smiled, and I felt myself begin to relax.

"Isabella, immortality becomes you," he nodded, then inclined his head towards Edward. "Your wife is very lovely, Edward."

"Thank you, Eleazar," Edward replied politely.

Jasper stepped forward to shake hands with the vampire. The rest of the family had gone hunting, as they sensed I would be more comfortable discussing this with a smaller audience.

"How is everyone in Denali?" Carlisle asked as he led us into the living room.

"Fine, fine, of course," Eleazar waved. "They were quite disappointed they could not come here with me."

"Yes, a visit from your coven would be welcomed, but I'm afraid it will have to wait, for obvious reasons," smiled Carlisle.

"Yes, of course," Eleazar nodded, and I had a feeling that Carlisle had told him much of what had occurred over the past few weeks. I dropped my eyes, embarrassed and ashamed. Jasper prodded at me with feelings of calm and contentment, and I eagerly latched on.

"Well, my friend, what do you sense?" asked Carlisle, eager to find out if his theory about me was correct.

"Absolutely nothing," Eleazar smiled, astonished.

"Nothing at all?" Jasper questioned, his eyes flicking to me. "Does that mean she's-"

"A shield, I think. She's blocking me now, so I can't be sure."

Jasper nodded, looking as if he had expected nothing less. I squirmed under the newcomer's scrutiny.

"You're certain?" asked Edward.

"Come now, Edward! If I can't get a read on her, I doubt you can, either. Can you hear her thoughts right now?" Eleazar asked.

"No," replied Edward, holding my hand. "But I have never been able to hear her thoughts, not even when she was human."

"Never?" Eleazar blinked, astonished. "Interesting. That would indicate a rather powerful latent talent, if it was manifesting so clearly even before the transformation. I can't feel a way through her shield to get a sense of it all. Yet she must be raw still-she's only a few weeks old."

The look he gave Edward now was almost exhasperated. "And apparently completely unaware of what she's doing. Totally unconscious. Ironic. Aro sent me all over the world searching for such anomalies, and you simply stumble across it by accident and don't even realize what you have."

I tensed when he spoke of Aro, but I was fascinated by his words. Me, a shield? I possessed a gift, one that could be useful to my family?

Carlisle spoke next. "It truly is fascinating, Eleazar. Have you come across many other shields during your time with the Volturi?"

"A fair few," replied Eleazar, turning his head as he examined me. "In truth, categorizing talents is a subjective, haphazard business; every talent is unique, never exactly the same thing twice. But you, Bella, are fairly easy to classify. Talents that are purely defensive, that protect some aspect of the bearer, are always called shields. Have you ever tested your abilities? Blocked anyone else besides me and your mate?"

It took me a few seconds, despite how quickly my new brain worked, to organize my answer.

"It only works with certain things," I told him. "My head is sort of…private. But it doesn't stop Jasper from being able to mess with my moods, or Alice from seeing my future."

"Purely a mental defense," Eleazar nodded. "Limited, but strong."

"Not just mental," Jasper interjected. "We have seen her create a physical manifestation of her shield."

"Truly?" Eleazar gazed at me with awe.

"Of course, she wasn't able to do so as a human," Jasper continued. "But when her moods escalated, or she felt threatened, she was able to create a shield that destroyed Edward's car, and blocked Rosalie's attempts to reach her."

"Incredible," Eleazar shook his head. "You truly have a powerful gift, my dear. A mental and a physical shield…"

"Aro couldn't hear her," Edward added. "Though she was human when they met. Jane was also unable to harm her, and I believe that both Demetri's and Alec's gifts would be useful against her."

Eleazar nodded, still astonished from everything he was hearing. "Amazing. With the proper training, I bet she will be able to call on her shield at will, perhaps even extend both her shields to protect others. Aro will be quite keen to collect her."

I stiffened and hissed involuntarily. Eleazar raised his hands. "Not that I will be telling him anything. You must be careful, though. A power such as yours will no doubt make you an interest of the Volturi."

"She already is," Edward wrapped his arms around me, and I eagerly accepted his comfort. "Aro intends to meet with her when she is more…stable."

Eleazar chuckled. "Ironic, that her own gift will prevent him from seeing her gift."

My mind whirled. I had a talent, like Edward, Alice, and Jasper. It was powerful, according to the others, but partially out of control. It was raw and unstable, but eventually could be used to protect more than just myself.

During my years with Edward as a human, I had felt weak and fragile. Edward was my protector and stood on higher ground. There was nothing I could do to protect him or stand by his side. Now, as a vampire, I could finally stand by him as an equal. But this talent of mine could help even the score. I could protect him, just as he protected me.

"Teach me," I blurted, looking to Carlisle, Jasper, and Eleazar. "I want to control it."

"I'm afraid I will be of little use to you, other than identifying your gift," Eleazar smiled. "But I am sure your family has the skills to help you learn control and discipline when it comes to your talent."

Carlisle nodded. "We will do our best, Bella."

I squirmed in Edward's arms, impatient to begin. I wanted to learn to control my shields, I wanted to control my instincts and bloodlust, instead of having them control me. I didn't want to hurt anyone else.

"Thank you, Eleazar," Carlisle shook his hand. "You have been most helpful. Shall we head to my study so we can speak of other things?"

"Of course, Carlisle," Eleazar smiled and held his hand out towards me. I barely hesitated before I placed my hand on his. He sandwiched my hand between his, and said, "Bella, I am glad to see you are well. Thank you for letting me 'diagnose' you, if you will, and I'm sure my family will visit again soon."

I nodded and smiled. He gave my hand a slight squeeze before following Carlisle upstairs.

"Well, oh powerful one, what do you think?" Edward grinned softly.

I gave him a light punch on the arm. "I think that I am ready to start training. I want to learn everything about this shield I supposedly have, and I want to learn better control with my instincts and my thirst."

"We'll help you, Bella," Jasper assured me. "We can start tomorrow, if you'd like."

I nodded eagerly.

"Bella, there's something else I wanted to speak with you about," Edward started slowly, and my stomach automatically tightened. "Jacob brought some more of your father's things. We took them to a safe place far enough from here that you wouldn't have to smell them. What would you like to do? We can leave them there until you are ready to go through them and decide what you want to do."

I was flooded with feelings of clarity and calm that I knew came from Jasper. It carefully covered up any pain and grief I was surely feeling. "I want to see them," I decided, a plan formulating in my mind. "I want to see everything."

Edward took my hand and led me out the front door. Jasper began to follow, but I turned to him and said. "I-I think I can do this on my own."

His eyes flicked to Edward, who nodded. "I'll take care of her."

Jasper seemed hesitant to let me go, knowing how emotional this was likely to be and how unstable I was, but he complied.

A half hour later, deep in the woods, I smelled my father's scent. It was faded and old, but still so amazingly appealing it set my throat on fire. I desperately needed to hunt, and vowed to do so after I was finished. I didn't want to make any more mistakes.

As I tensed, Edward paused. "Bella, there's no rush-"

"No," I shook my head and tried to ignore the agonizing thirst I was feeling. "I'll be fine."

Edward looked like he resisted the urge to sigh, and headed forward into the trees. A simple wooden building, looking more like a shack than anything else, sat nestled in between two very large pine trees.

"Storage," he explained at my puzzled look. "We usually keep a few things here since it is one of our favorite places. We tend to come back to Cordova every once in awhile."

We stopped at the door, the appetizing scent stronger than ever. I held my breath and opened the door.

The floorboards creaked under my hesitant steps. The room was large and empty, save for a large cardboard box in the corner. Edward waited by the door as I slowly made my way across the room.

I knelt next to the box and reached towards the cardboard flaps with shaking hands.

An envelope lay on top of the pile, my name written in my mother's messy scrawl. I gasped and inhaled the mixed scents of my parents. Flames exploded in my throat and my heart, and with a muted cry, I opened the envelope and pulled out the letter.

"My Sweet baby girl,

I don't even know what to say, other than I love you, and I am so sorry I cannot be there for you right now and wrap you in my arms. I know you got closer to Charlie these past few years, and I can't imagine what you must be feeling.

I hope the treatments you are getting are working. It makes me nervous to have you so far away from me and being so sick and all…but I trust that Edward is taking good care of you.

Bella, since you weren't able to be here, I was the one who went through Charlie's things. I gave the fishing things to Billy, (I'm sure Charlie would have wanted that) and got rid of most of the junk he had lying around. But I saved all of these things for you to go through and keep, if you wanted.

Charlie also left you the house and what money he had left, which I send enclosed in this envelope. I know this is impossible, Bella. He left so suddenly and so tragically. But I know without a doubt that he loved you more than anything, and he was so, so proud of you.

Call me when you can, honey. I miss you and I love you.

Mom."

My breathing hitched and my eyes burned as I read and reread the handwritten letter from my mother. I held the paper close to my face and inhaled, not caring at how much it hurt my throat. I breathed in and remembered her sweet, comforting scent.

It took a lot of effort to set her letter aside and look at the rest of the items in the box. I reached in; my fingers wrapped around the slick material and pulled it out of the box.

My lips curved into a quivering smile as I held up my father's police jacket. I looked at it for a moment before I crushed it to my chest and began to sob.

I heard Edward take a hesitant step in my direction, then pause, obviously wanting to give me space.

I breathed in his fiery scent and imagined his face with outstanding clarity. I recalled the gruff sound of his voice, the awkward, but genuine feel of his hugs, and the small, kind gestures to show me he loved me.

It wasn't fair that he was gone. It wasn't fair that I was the one who ended his life. None of it was fair.

When I regained control of myself, I gently laid the jacket on the floor to examine the rest of the items in the box. There was his police badge, and a medal of bravery awarded from the people of Forks; an envelope full of the few photos he had (most were of me), a few of his flannel shirts, his worn leather wallet that was empty, save for an old wedding photograph of him an my mother and an embarrassing picture of me in junior high, and finally, in a small box, lay my father's wedding band.

I took it in my hands in slipped it on my ring finger. I couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of the huge ring on my slender finger. I put it on my thumb, but it was still too big.

I looked at the pile of my father's belongings, memorizing his bittersweet scent. What would I do with all of his things? Keep it here, in storage? No, that seemed wrong, like I was hiding him away as a shameful secret. Keep it in my room? Perhaps some of the things I would keep there, but even the small photographs held his painful scent. I wanted to honor Charlie, to keep his things in a place where I would never forget him or what I had done, but how would I do it?

The answer came to me as easily as one of Alice's visions. I placed the shirts, his wallet, and his police jacket back inside the box. I folded up my mother's letter and shoved it in my pocket.

"Edward?" I called, and he was suddenly by my side. "Take the box?"

"Of course, Bella," he said in a soft voice. I hesitated, then placed the badge, the envelope of photos, and his medal in Edward's pocket. He raised his eyebrow in confusion, but a gave him a small, reassuring smile.

I led the way out of the wooden shack and scented the air. Rain would come, but shouldn't fall until after I had completed my task. Edward followed me without question, my silent guardian, and I raced into the woods. I easily flew through the trees and up the slope of the mountain until I had reached the meadow.

My eyes scanned the edge of the meadow until I found the perfect spot. A large oak tree with long, overreaching branches stood guard in the far corner of the meadow. A second later, I stood before it, my hand tracing its rough bark.

Wordlessly, I stepped back from the tree and knelt on the ground, where I cupped my pale hands, and began to dig. The earth moved easily under my ministrations, and though I moved at a slow pace, I soon had a hole deep enough for my satisfaction.

Edward placed the box beside me and stepped away. I took out my father's shirts, inhaled their painful smell, folded them neatly, and placed them inside the hole. Next, I removed the photos from Charlie's wallet and placed the leather container on top of the shirts.

When I took my father's police jacket in my hands, I held it and stared at it for the longest time, imagining him wearing it, coming through the front door and hanging up his belt. "Bella?" he would call almost every time, even though he knew I would be in the kitchen. He'd come in, maybe ask me about my day, then sit and relax while I finished dinner. He would be a quiet, comforting presence before and during the meal, and then we would go about our own ways.

I place the jacket inside the hole. Slowly, carefully, I covered the small pile with the dirt I had dug up, until I had a small, perfect mound before the tree.

I reached forward and placed my finger against the bark, and carefully carved, "Charlie Swan, a good father, a great man."

I sat back to look at my work and was satisfied. I felt the urge to speak, and parted my lips. "I know this isn't much, Dad, but it's better than being forgotten in an old box. And since I didn't get to go to your funeral…well, I just wanted to do something for you."

Edward came behind me and put a hand on my shoulder. I didn't feel self conscious with him there, nor did I feel like he was intruding. He was my supporter, my mate, who would be with me in the highest and lowest parts of my life. I was grateful for his presence.

Charlie and I never were good at sharing our thoughts and feelings, and we mostly just blushed and stammered. I had an eloquent speech in my head, but it just didn't fit. So instead, I said, "Dad, I'm really sorry for everything. I wanted to let you know that you were a pretty great dad, and I won't forget you. I promise."

My eyes burned, and I let Edward hold me while I cried.

Life as a vampire was not the fairy tale beginning I had imagined, but I couldn't let what had happened hold me back any more. Yes, I would still grieve for my father, and I would never forget him, but I couldn't wallow in my guilt and self pity. I had to move on. I need to grow and learn to control my gifts, my instincts, and my thirst so I would never harm another human again.

I vowed to myself that I would throw myself into training, that I would put my pain and my past behind me, so that I could live.

I would live for Charlie. I would live for Edward. But most of all, I would live for myself.

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><p><strong>AN: The End. Just Kidding! :) Man, this story is so angsty, i should change the description themes! This is a long chapter just for you guys, and I hope you liked it. Sort of a filler and transition chapter. The story should start to lighten up from here, since Bella is making the choice to move on and have a better life. As always, reviews encourage me to keep writing, and I love reading what you think.**


	17. Chapter 17: Teach Me

_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight_

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><p><strong>Chapter Seventeen: Teach Me<strong>

Everything was bright. The sky was covered in a mass of white, broken up by streaks of pale gray; the earth was covered in pearly snow, as were all the trees and plants, making it look like one massive Christmas card.

And to my deep surprise, I didn't hate it. I wasn't bothered by the cold temperature, because to my delight, it matched my own. So the powdery snow didn't melt in my clothes or frizz out my hair or cause me to shiver and hide inside all day. I was light enough and graceful enough that I didn't sink through when I walked in the snow. I floated on top of it like I was made of air.

I actually enjoyed the scenery around me, marveling that I could see each individual, crystal-like snowflake when it had fallen.

I was in a large clearing several miles from the house with Jasper. Today was my first day of "Vampire School" as Emmett had dubbed it. I had wanted Edward there with me, but Alice had insisted that he would only be a distraction. I had grumbled about this, and even worried that if I somehow got triggered by something and flipped out, that he wouldn't be there to calm me. So Edward remained a few miles off, close enough to hear Jasper's thoughts, but far enough to give us some privacy.

"Okay," I nervously rubbed my hands on my jeans as I stood on top of the thick layer of snow. I took a deep breath. "Where do we start?"

Jasper smirked, then took on a serious expression. "I've done a lot of thinking, and I think the best place to start is with your gift, your shield."

"Really?" I asked, slightly surprised. "Shouldn't I learn some more basic techniques, like how to better control my thirst or something before I learn how to use whatever it is I have?"

He shook his head. "I believe that your shield is the key to everything, Bella. If you can master your shield, which has both mental and physical qualities, it will greatly affect all the other aspects you are struggling with."

"So you're saying I might be able to use my gift to block out some of my instincts and my thirst?" I asked hopefully.

"Essentially," he nodded. "You've already proven how powerful your mind is. Your shield was active even as a human. Your mental shield seems to be subconsciously active, but your physical shield seems to react with high levels of stress. This is a good start, but you want to be able to manipulate both at will, to call upon them whenever you choose, to be able to control your power, not let it control you."

Jasper began to pace, his eyes focused on me. My mind flashed briefly back to the time when he was instructing the wolves how to fight newborns.

"Why you?" I asked, then realizing how rude my question sounded, amended, "I mean, why can't Edward teach me to use my gift?"

He smiled slightly, reassuring me that he wasn't offended. "For several reasons. Firstly, I don't think you and Edward would be able to do anything productive."

I was again grateful I couldn't blush, but I knew he felt my surge of embarrassment anyways.

"Secondly, all of our gifts work differently," Jasper continued. "As it is, my gift is the closest to yours."

I frowned. "How so?"

"Edward can read minds," he replied. "Alice can see the future. Eleazar can identify other vampire's gifts. But can Edward control others' thoughts? Can Alice write the future with her gift? Can Eleazar change the powers other's possess?"

I nodded, seeing his point.

"I, on the other hand, can not only gauge the feelings of the people around me, but I can manipulate them, or even project my own emotions. You block mental attacks, but you have also shown that you can project that barrier into something physical. That's why I will be the best teacher," Jasper finished.

"Got it," I said. "So how do I learn to control it?"

Jasper sat cross legged in the snow, and I mimicked him immediately. His golden eyes met mine with determination.

"First, you need to learn to identify it within you, to feel it," he said, and at my perplexed look, he continued, "You know of course, that our emotions reside in a certain part of our brain, not our actual hearts. I can literally feel my ability, in here," he tapped his skull.

Jasper paused. "How do I explain it? I feel my emotions just like everyone else. They exist, they change with the events around me, but I don't pinpoint where they originate in my brain. We can't feel that. But my ability to feel what others feel, or manipulate their emotions, I can find where it comes from."

My mind scrambled to keep up with him. "But my shield, it's always been subconscious, like you said, just a part of me. I wasn't even aware I was doing anything until I met Edward."

"So it's always been there," Jasper shrugged. "It's familiar, it's comfortable, you do it without even thinking about it, just like everything else your mind does. But it is there, and it is different than your instincts or your thoughts or your emotions. As an ability, it differentiates itself from all other aspects of your mind."

Jasper leaned forward intently. "I want you to close your eyes."

I obeyed, and listed to his voice as he continued. "Take slow, deep breaths, as if you are falling asleep. Focus first on your breathing. In. out. In. out. Slower, deeper. Good. Relax all your muscles, and feel every part of your body."

I filled my lungs with the crisp winter air, and blew it out with my parted lips. I felt perfectly comfortable, as if I could sit here forever and never have to twitch a single muscle. I felt power radiating under my granite hard, cold skin. I felt the stillness in my chest, broken only by my deep breathing.

"Good, Bella," came Jasper's soothing voice. "Now, as strange as this sounds, I want you to look deep within yourself. Look past your trivial thoughts, your senses, your feelings, and look for something that stands apart from everything else."

I frowned, my brow crinkling with confusion. I sat still, and felt incredibly foolish. Look inside myself? What did that even mean? I tried to push away my senses and instincts, which felt wrong, and tried to "look past my thoughts", but all I kept thinking about was how the heck do I stop thinking? I recalled a superhero movie, maybe Spider-man, where the camera zoomed through the person's skin into their very veins, flying through the intricate inner workings of the body until it reached the center, a deep void with a single, brilliant light.

"Bella," Jasper admonished, obviously sensing that my mind had strayed.

I sighed irritably, opening my eyes to glare slightly at him. "I don't get it!" I threw up my hands. "I don't know how to stop thinking."

"I'm not asking you to stop thinking," Jasper corrected. "I'm asking you to focus your thoughts. There's a big difference. It is difficult. I realize this. It would be hard for a human to manage it, and as vampires we are able to focus on multiple things at once. But I want you to bring the entire extent of your focus on finding your gift."

I noticed that my frustration did not wane, and I felt confused. Why wasn't Jasper helping, putting me in a calm place so I could do as he asked?

Obviously sensing my bewilderment, Jasper spoke again. "You need to be able to do this on your own, without my aid, or you'll never get anywhere, Bella. Now close your eyes again, and this time, I will try to guide you the best I can. But I can only guess where you will find your…center of power, if you will."

I took another deep breath to try and relax myself and shut my eyes. I focused all my attention on the soothing, deep tones of Jasper's voice as he instructed. "Feel your lungs fill with air. Focus on the feeling of them expanding, growing, and now shrinking, deflating. Feel the stillness inside your chest, the cool serenity that remains inside you."

I was completely mesmerized under the thrall of his voice, and would have believed that he was influencing my emotions had he not just declared that he refused to do so. I felt each sensation exactly as he described.

"Travel now up the length of your throat. Notice the dull, bearable burn of your thirst, and then push it away. It isn't important. It does not matter."

The moment he mentioned my thirst, the burn flared immediately, then, as he instructed, I moved on. He was right. It wasn't important, just another sensation of my body that I could ignore.

"Feel the oxygen filling your nostrils. Notice the different scents around you; yours, mine, even Edward's lingering scent on your clothes, the trees, the cold earth, the water in the air, the distant scents of the animals around us. Notice them, then move past them. It isn't important. It doesn't matter.

"Hear the sounds around you; your own breath, the rustling of your hair in the breeze, the creaking of the trees in the wind, the muted sounds of wildlife. Notice them, then ignore them. They don't matter. Nothing exists but the sound of my voice.

"Now, it's just you, Bella, deep within the center of your mind. Tell me, what do you see? What do you feel?"

My lips parted, and I spoke automatically, as if I had always known the answer. "It's there, right in the middle of everything. It-it's like a marble, small and cool and colorful. But it's alive somehow."

"Good, Bella," Jasper's voice was tense with excitement, and I snapped out of my trance, blinking rapidly.

"Woah," I breathed, putting a hand to my hair. "That was…really weird."

"Can you still feel it?" he asked.

To my surprise, I did notice it. The tiny sphere of power that dwelt deep inside of my mind was still there, and I couldn't believe I had never noticed it before. It felt so familiar, like it had always been a part of me. I nodded, speechless.

"Excellent work, Bella," Jasper smiled easily at me. "I'm very impressed."

I couldn't hide my surge of embarrassed pleasure. "Thanks. So now that we've found it, what do we do with it?"

"We are going to experiment with it, test your boundaries, your strengths, and we will learn how to manipulate and control it at will," Jasper stood, brushing the powdery snow off of his dark jeans. "But not now."

"Not now?" I repeated as I rose to my feet, feeling disappointed. "But we just started! I want to keep going."

"Just started?" he laughed as he raised an eyebrow. "Bella, we've been at this for several hours. Look at the sky."

Sure enough, it had gotten darker. It was later in the afternoon, I noticed with shock. What had seemed like several minutes had turned into hours. Usually as a vampire, I was really good at keeping track of time as it passed, but somehow, in my meditative state, I had lost it.

"You need to hunt," Jasper said as we turned in the direction of the house. "I know you don't feel drained in the slightest, but you are really working your mind and body, and the more you feed, the more refreshed and energetic you will feel. You will do better, I promise."

I smelled Edward before I saw him. I breathed in his scent happily, but when I saw him emerge from the line of trees, my breath was stolen from my lungs. Wearing a pale gray, cotton shirt that hugged his muscled body, and dark jeans that contrasted with his snow white skin, Edward looked breathtakingly handsome. His copper colored hair was fire against the icy scene around him, as were his smoldering, golden eyes that sent warm tingles shuddering through my body.

He held out his hand, his lips curving into a sweet smile that had me melting on the inside. "Bella," he said softly, and I rushed to his side, eagerly slipping my hand in his.

It was a strange experience, hunting. I was suddenly aware of this "presence", which was the wrong word, but I could find nothing else that could describe it, in my mind. That small marble of power was ever present, and it was almost comforting to me. I was aware of it as we ran, as I hunted and fed, as Edward kissed me.

I returned to the clearing with Edward. I looked to Jasper. "Can Edward stay?"

He thought about it for a moment, then nodded. I grinned happily as Edward played with my hair. I didn't like being apart from him.

"So long as he isn't a distraction" Jasper amended, giving Edward a stern look. I frowned, dismayed as his hands dropped the strand of hair he had been playing with. He took a few steps back and put his hands in his pockets.

"What's next?" I asked eagerly, wanting to do more know that I could feel my gift within me.

"Next we try to trigger it, make it appear," Jasper stood gracefully. "Unfortunately, the only time it has appeared has been-"

"When I've snapped and gone psycho?" I offered.

Jasper smirked. "Essentially. It manifests itself under times of great pressure and high emotional stress. We want to be able to call on it without those circumstances."

"Okay," I nodded, determined to do this.

"Do you still feel it?" he asked.

I nodded. I suddenly couldn't imagine not being even slightly aware of my gift's presence in my mind.

"You said it was small, like a marble," Jasper said. Again I nodded. "I want you to imagine it growing, expanding to the size of a golf ball."

I shut my eyes again. Saw the small marble of power centered in my mind. Grow, I thought to it. I pictured it swelling, like Jasper instructed. I felt nothing. The marble remained small. I put more force into the thought, commanding it to move, to grow. Nothing happened. I was aware of my breathing becoming rapid, my fingers tightening into fists. Come on, I thought angrily, do something!

There was a snapping sound, and a sudden, blinding pain beneath my skull. A cry escaped my lips, and I felt Edward's arms catch me as my knees buckled. I grit my teeth at the throbbing pain, beating like a heart in my head.

"Bella? Bella!" Edward's voice was panicked. Jasper knelt before me.

It was sixty seconds of agony, worse than any headache or migraine I had had as a human. Not nearly as painful as the fires of my change, but still enough to keep me immobilized on the ground. As the pain began to ebb, I relaxed in Edward's arms, leaning into his reassuring embrace.

"What the hell, Jasper?!" Edward growled.

"He didn't know that would happen," I muttered, sitting up and placing a hand on my head.

"He should have," Edward snapped.

"Be reasonable, Edward," Jasper replied. "Everyone's gift is different. If we don't experiment and test her abilities, we'll never be able to help her control it."

"He's right, Edward," I said, gripping his arm. "But I think we're done for now."

I didn't think it was possible for vampires to have headaches. Leave it to me to be the first vampire with a migraine. I shrieked in surprise as Edward scooped me up into his arms and began moving purposely towards the house, Jasper following at a distance.

"Edward!" I moaned.

Edward's surly expression morphed into a pleased grin. "It's just like old times, isn't it, Bella?"

"Old times?" I shut my eyes. The snow was suddenly much too bright.

"This doesn't remind you of anything?" There was laughter in his voice.

I searched through my memories, some hazy, others clear as day. There were many moments of being in his arms… I frowned as I recalled lying on the cold sidewalk, feeling faint, hearing his voice, being swept up, startled and indignant as he carried me to the nurse's office.

"Ugh."

Edward laughed. "You don't care for that memory? I'm kind of fond of it, myself."

"It wasn't one of my better moments," I grimaced.

My head felt sore, as if it had been shoved in a tube that was much too small. I knew we had reached the house when I heard the door open and smelled Alice's scent.

"There's a hot bath waiting for you, Bella," Alice said. Oh, that sounded like heaven. "It will hel—"

She broke off, and my eyes snapped open, despite the pain from the bright white snow framing the porch. Alice looked dazed. I looked to Edward, who was frozen in concentration, seeing her vision as she saw it.

"What is it?" I demanded, sliding out of Edward's arms, but leaning on him as the world tilted slightly.

"Nothing," he said, his voice strained. "Absolutely nothing."

"How many times do we have to argue about this, Edward?" I grit my teeth. "Stop trying to protect me!"

"No, I mean it really is nothing," Edward met my eyes with his tense ones. "Our futures have all disappeared."

And that's when the howling began.

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><p><strong>AN: Um...hello?**

** Do I have any readers left? I know it has been AGES since I've updated, and most of you probably had to go back a couple chapters and reread them in order to remember what happened. I can't tell you how awful I feel about leaving you hanging like that. Life once again intervened, and then I lost my inspiration and my outline, and you don't really care about my excuses, do you? lol. I know it always pisses me off when a story I love breaks off and the author disappears off the face of the earth, so I really am sorry. That being said, what did you think? I know I don't deserve any reviews, but it will help me know if anyone is still interested in this story and I will continue. Am I forgiven? **


	18. Chapter 18: The Sun

_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight_

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><p><strong>Chapter Eighteen: The Sun<strong>

I gripped Edward's wrist so tightly he grunted in pain. "Is it the pack? They've come for me?"

Edward's eyes searched the tree line. "I don't know. Alice," he said, turning urgently to his sister. "Where are the others?"

Others? I realized suddenly that I couldn't smell Carlisle, Esme, Emmett or Rosalie. Alice's expression was miserable and panicked.

"I saw Bella was feeling sick, so I sent them away so she could have some time to recover. They left for town," she explained.

Jasper hissed suddenly.

Through the snow covered trees in the distance I could barely make out the form of a very large wolf. My eyes flickered to the space around him, but I could not make out any other wolves.

"Edward? Who is it?" Jasper asked, tense.

"I can't hear his thoughts," Edward replied just as stiffly, angling himself so his body was in front of mine. "Whoever it is, he's out of my range."

I wanted to shove him aside and stand beside him, but my headache was still fierce, and I wouldn't be able to concentrate enough to fight and protect him.

I still couldn't see any more wolves.

"Is it Jacob?" Alice asked. I automatically tensed when Alice said his name.

"It better not be," Edward growled.

"It couldn't be," I said suddenly, miserably. "I would have recognized his howl. I don't know who that was."

"It has to be the pack," Jasper said, moving closer to his mate. "But where are the others?"

"They could be surrounding us," Edward mused, his eyes trained on the wolf in the distance, who still had not moved.

My shield! I thought suddenly. I could use it to protect us! But just thinking of my little marble of power sent painful pulses through my brain.

"We can't fight off the entire pack," Jasper said. "We'll have to run for it. If we can outrun them to the coast, we should be alright."

"What about Carlisle and the others?" I asked worriedly. "They could double back for them."

"We can call them on the way," Jasper replied as we readied our bodies to flee. Edward grasped my hand tightly as I wondered how I would keep up with my head throbbing in pain and the world tilting dizzyingly beneath me.

"Look!" Alice said suddenly.

The lone wolf was moving towards us, slowly and cautiously. There was too much foliage in the forest to make out his color. Was it Sam, keeping our attention on him while the others circled around to trap us and tear us apart?

"We need to move, now," said Jasper.

The wolf stopped as Edward growled threateningly. It shuddered and twisted, standing up on his hind legs as his body shrunk and changed. We froze in bewilderment.

"What is he doing?" I asked and received no answer.

No one understood why a wolf from the pack would phase in the middle of an attack. It would make them too vulnerable.

The werewolf, now in human form, strode through the trees in a familiar gate. He stepped away from the line of trees, and the sun lit up his tan skin and shone in his inky black hair. I could smell him now, and hear his faint breathing. Edward gasped suddenly, then tilted his head, confused, but pleased.

"Edward?" Jasper asked, his eyes darting between his brother and the figure that was heading towards us. He raised his hands in a non-threatening manner as he drew closer, and then I could make out who it was.

"Seth!" I gasped. I felt a rush of joy at seeing my old friend, which was suddenly dampened by my confusion and suspicion. Why would Sam send out the youngest of the pack, who looked so vulnerable out in the open? Was it to lull us into a false sense of security? Did he know that we could never hurt Seth, who we still thought of as a friend? Was he moving in now, while we were distracted?

"Stay where you are!" Jasper called out, obviously sharing my suspicions.

Seth froze where he was, his hands still up in a placating manner.

"He's alone," Edward said, his posture relaxing. "He doesn't want to fight."

"I come in peace!" Seth called back, a cheesy grin lighting up his face. "I promise!"

I relaxed, confused but pleased to see him. Seth jogged up to us, and I couldn't help but match his infectious smile. He didn't seem to mind the freezing snow, despite being clad only in shorts.

"Edward, hey," Seth shook his hand.

"Seth," Edward nodded and smiled back. "What are you doing here?"

Jasper was the only one who remained tense. "Where is the rest of your pack?"

"Back at the rez," Seth replied, his smile dropping as his eyes finally met mine.

Shame hit me like a wave, and my smile fell as fast as his had. I realized painfully that he knew that I had killed Charlie, had drained his life away and fled, that I had attacked Jacob twice and nearly killed him as well. I froze, unsure of his reaction to me.

"Hey Bella," Seth said, uncharacteristically quiet.

"Hi Seth," I replied.

"Why don't we go inside and talk?" Alice offered.

We headed for the living room, and I remained close to Edward, wanting to feel his comforting presence close to me. I felt horribly afraid and sick to my stomach, and my headache would not go away. I couldn't bear the thought of sweet, kind Seth hating me.

"Why are you here?" Jasper demanded.

Seth scratched the back of his head. "Well…" his eyes met mine and quickly looked away. He swallowed, took a breath, then said very quickly. "I came looking for Jacob."

Silence.

"What?" I croaked.

Seth stared at his feet and wrung his large hands. He had grown since I had last seen him. "He took off with some of…Chief Swan's things. Said he had to make things right. He never came back."

Never came back? But I had let him go. Where had Jacob gone if not back to the reservation?

Seth mistook our silence and his face morphed into a pained grimace. "Oh. I thought he-well, Sam was sure that-but he said we couldn't follow him—that he was going to get himself killed—but I thought—"

"Seth, Bella didn't kill Jacob," Edward interrupted his wild ramblings.

"She didn't-?" Seth finally looked up.

"No," Edward said firmly. "He dropped off her things and left. We thought he went home."

"Oh," Seth relaxed. "Oh that's good. I mean, I knew she couldn't, I mean, that she wouldn't-"

"Why don't you start over?" Alice suggested.

Seth relaxed, which I knew had to be Jasper's doing, and he began to tell his story. "After…what happened," his eyes flickered sadly towards me, and I suppressed a flinch. "Sam ordered us to-to kill you if any of you came back. He wanted to follow you, hunt you down, but he didn't want to risk leaving the reservation unprotected. I've never seen him so angry."

Edward's hand squeezed mine, and I realized I was holding my breath.

"Jake was a mess. He got some stuff from Renee and wanted to come up here," Seth continued sadly. "Sam ordered him to stop, but…I've never seen anything like it. When the alpha gives you an order, you have to obey it, but Jake…he refused. We couldn't hear his thoughts anymore, and he left the pack on his own. Sam was furious, but said if he wanted to get himself killed, then we wouldn't stop him."

"I was scared," he admitted. "I thought Jake coming here was a bad idea. I didn't want him to get hurt, and I knew he wasn't thinking clearly.

"When I went home, I was thinking a lot about everything that happened. I didn't want to leave the pack, but I just couldn't deal with Sam's orders. I mean, if you had come back, I would've had to…" Seth grimaced. "I wanted to follow Jacob, to make sure he was ok, so I decided to leave Sam's pack and join his."

"What?" Alice asked. "You can do that?"

"Well, since Jacob broke off, became his own alpha, I figured that if I chose to follow him, I would break off from Sam too," Seth shrugged. "And it worked. I couldn't hear their thoughts anymore, and I was able to follow him. But then I still couldn't hear Jacob, and I thought that maybe…"

"That I had killed him?" I asked dully.

Seth looked at me, and I was startled at the amount of emotion in his eyes.

"You still can't hear Jacob's thoughts?" Jasper clarified.

Seth shook his head. "I thought it was because…you know, he was gone. But now I think that he just has to be really far away, like he was before your wedding."

"If you thought Bella had killed Jacob, why did you still come here?" Jasper wondered aloud.

"Because I had to know for sure," Seth answered, leaning back in his chair. Then he grinned. "And I kinda missed you guys."

Edward grinned. Despite Seth's words and attitude, he still had barely spoken a word to me, and only looked at me with sadness in his eyes. I couldn't think of anything to say to him, and uncertainty tightened my stomach. Then an enormous grumbling sound emerged from Seth's stomach. He flushed embarrassedly. "Er-guess I haven't eaten in awhile."

"I'll get you something," Alice offered, heading to the kitchen.

"You guys still have food?" Seth looked at me in surprise. "Even though none of you can eat?"

"Appearances," Edward shrugged.

Alice reappeared with a large stack of sandwiches, which Seth hungrily dove into. "_Shnks_," he said with a mouthful of food bulging in his cheeks.

"Where's everybody else?" he asked once he had swallowed.

"In town," Jasper answered him. Then he shook his head. "I still can't believe you came here on your own, especially if you thought we had killed Jacob."

I felt a surge of warmth towards Jasper, who had thoughtfully said "we" instead of "Bella".

Seth shrugged and swallowed another sandwich, and Edward smirked at him. "Seth has always been too trusting for his own good."

"Or too smart," Seth grinned and waggled his eyebrows. I would have laughed if I hadn't felt so nervous about his reaction to me. His sandwiches were gone within minutes. Then, as if he suddenly realized he was only wearing shorts, grimaced and asked, "Uh, you guys don't have a spare shirt or something, do you?"

Edward chuckled and rose from his spot beside me. I instantly felt colder, but within seconds he had returned, a pale gray t-shirt in his hands, which he tossed to Seth.

"Thanks," Seth replied and pulled it over his head. He heaved a satisfied sigh, patting his stomach, and then he looked at me.

"Er…Bella? Could I maybe talk to you? Alone?" Seth asked, looking nervous but determined.

Oh no, I thought. This is it. This is the part where he tells me that we aren't friends anymore, that he couldn't be friends with a red eyed monster who had killed her own father. I looked to Edward desperately, hoping he wouldn't let me face that by myself, but he was looking at Seth thoughtfully. He nodded.

"Bella, why don't you take Seth to the clearing where you were getting lessons from Jasper?" he suggested.

My heart sank, and I stood and nodded, nervously rubbing my hands on my jeans.

"Be right back," Seth said to the others as he followed me out the door. He remained a pace behind me and stayed silent as I led him through the snow. My footsteps were light and silent, while his heavy feet crunched loudly behind me.

My mind raced with things to say to him, apologies, excuses, but nothing sounded right. Seth and I had never been close, but I considered him a friend, so much like a playful, pestering younger brother, who I had immediately liked the moment I met him. Seth saw the best in everyone. How could I deal with his rejection?

All too soon, we had reached the blindingly white clearing, and I perched myself on a snow covered boulder. There was a moment of awkward silence, which I had to break.

"Are you sure the cold doesn't bother you?" I blurted.

Seth grinned. "Nah. It just feels nice, like a cold breeze or something, you know?"

I nodded. The cold didn't bother me either.

"Listen, Bella…"

Oh God, here it comes. I braced myself, stiffening.

"I didn't just come here to find out what happened to Jake," he admitted. "I also came up here to tell you that Sam is wrong. What happened wasn't your fault."

"What?" I blinked stupidly.

His face was sincere, and I was struck by how his eyes had dropped their childish, playful look and were replaced by a wisdom that was beyond his years. "Sam and the others, they blame you for the Chief's death. But I know better, I always have. Jake was wrong to bring your dad there. He knew what newborns were like. We all did."

I grimaced, and Seth continued.

"You did what your instincts told you to do, you couldn't help that," Seth shrugged and stuck his hands in his pockets. "I'm sorry for what happened to your dad."

I nodded, emotions closing off my throat and making it hard to speak.

"And even if you had…killed Jake," Seth winced. "I wouldn't blame you. I mean, I care about him. He's like my brother. And I would miss him, a lot. But he messed up, big time, and you were the one who got hurt. And I'm really sorry for everything that's happened to you. You dont deserve that."

I leapt from my seat and pulled him into a tight embrace. He grunted in surprise, then wrapped his arms around me. Heat radiated from his body, made even more intense by my icy skin. I had been wrong. Jacob wasn't the sun. Seth was. Pure and loving and warm, his kindness melted everything he touched.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Anytime."

I couldn't see his face, but I knew he was smiling.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Tada! Another update, pretty soon after the last one, huh? Aren't you proud of me? :) Were you surprised by Seth's visit? Or at his reaction to Bella? I hope I got his character right. As you all know, I adore reviews, even when I don't deserve them. Thanks to all of you who are still following this story and letting me know you still like it and have forgiven me for making you wait so long. And of course, welcome to all of you new readers! I will try to have the next chapter up soon, and trust me, you will not want to miss it! Thanks again everybody.**


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